Occupation: Highly respected assistant manager of a very, very popular comic store.
Group Affilliation: I have chosen to grace the SBC with my wisdom.
Base of Operations: Florida
First Appearance: Nearly 40 years ago.
History: For more than seven years I have been an invaluable asset to the comic industry as a knowledgeable and talented assistant manager.
Powers and Weapons: Unlike so many other columnists and "professionals," I know the truth about comics. I will not waste your time with opinions, dear reader, I will give you only the facts.
For the past seven years I have been the assistant manager of a highly successful Florida comic shop. My shop has flourished thanks to my superior management, while other shops in our area have floundered and closed. I am always working the front counter of the store and dealing directly with customers, so I am an expert in comic book store etiquette.
Comic book store customers have no idea how to act in a comic shop. This is the truth. Many may think they know how to act, but the answer is strikingly clear; only comic shop employees know how to act in a comic shop.
There are more situations where comic customers do not know how to act than there were tribbles beamed aboard the Klingon cruiser at the end of TTWT, but two main issues come up most often. Environment and service. If you care about being a fan, and want to show the appropriate respect to the men who bring joy into your lives by selling you comics, then please, reader read on and pay attention!
The environment of a comic shop is a delicate balance. What may first appear to the untrained eye as a dimly lit, poorly organized and slovenly maintained heap of comics is actually the true comic fan’s ideal shop. To complain to the management about having to move merchandise or old fast food bags out of the way of back issue bins is only showing your own ignorance.
A customer who scuttles through the back stock beneath the bins, like some hungry Jawa, will surely be embarrassed by the management with a quick-witted reprimand. My favorite scolding to this kind of customer is, “Hey, Anti-monitor, you missed an Earth!” When we are ready to let you see the back stock, it will be in the back issue bins.
Most hated of all etiquette snafus is the complaint that things are not in order or cannot be found. If you know the alphabet, the different comic companies, the layout of the store, the difference between an independent comic and one from the big two, whether we split the big two apart or not, whether we separate the independents or not, and are willing to just look for it yourself, then even a gorilla not from Gorilla City can find any back issue, in any comic shop. Lastly, never ask to use the bathroom. Think about it. You’re not in your home. Would you ask Jarvis if you could use his tea service? I don’t think so.
The second most disagreeable thing to hear from a comic customer is a whine about service. “Why wasn’t this issue held for me, when it’s on my subscription list?” “Why can’t you help me?” “Why is there uneaten Taco Bell spread out over the back-issues of Scion?”
All of these can be answered by, “I’m in the middle of having lunch.” If you are a true fan, you would not complain about these things. The true fan knows that we, the stalwart comic shop employees, are pouring our hearts and souls into this job. They appreciate the magic I help bring into their lives. Everyone else can just go to some Disney-Store-like lame-o, well lit, corporate modeled comic shop (if these few shops can be called that) and see how they like that. They won’t!
They all come back, they always do. And I’m there to greet them, leaning over the bins and finishing my enchurrito.
The opinions expressed above are entirely the author's and do not represent those of Silver Bullet Comics, or any of its staff, or contributors.
