Occupation: Highly respected assistant manager of a very, very popular comic store.
Group Affilliation: I have chosen to grace the SBC with my wisdom.
Base of Operations: Florida
First Appearance: Nearly 40 years ago.
History: For more than seven years I have been an invaluable asset to the comic industry as a knowledgeable and talented assistant manager.
Powers and Weapons: Unlike so many other columnists and "professionals," I know the truth about comics. I will not waste your time with opinions, dear reader, I will give you only the facts.
Oh my God, this is so awesome! My name is Jimmy and I work for Hal at what I think is the sweetest comic shop in the whole world. I’ve been wanting to write a fill-in issue as soon as Hal started writing his great column online.
Hal said that reading a column written by me instead of him would be like expecting to see Star Trek but seeing Earth: Final Conflict instead.
Whatever! I’m not sure what he meant by that because both of those shows rule! Hal bet me that I couldn’t afford to buy him lunch for one week, and if he lost the bet, he would let me do a fill-in. Here I am Hal! I won. Those Red Lobster and Outback Steakhouse take out orders I paid for were worth it. I am writing a column! This is what the Internet is about. Opinions! Here are my opinions comic world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My column is going to rock! I’m going to do a killer review on my favorite comic THE AVENGERS. Oh my God this book is off the chain! The art is the bomb! Oh my God, those characters are so cool! Maybe I’ll talk about what that book means to me and why it rocks so damn hard.
Oh my God, wait, I’m not going to write about comics. No, I’m going to do something much hotter. I’m going to write about comic movies. Oh yeah, I’m gonna raise the roof! There are so many awesome comic movies and so many that are going to come out. Maybe I’ll tell you all about what I think about these freaking cool movies. No, even better, since I work at a comic book store, I’m going to talk about the comic business. I’m going to go off about comics, man! I’m going to do a column about what’s wrong with comics today and how to fix them. Oh my God, that is going to be so awesome! I’m not going to take any prisoners!!!
Oh my God, the perfect thing to talk about instead of all that stuff is how much better comics are today than they were back in the day. Hal is always going on and on about some old school book where everyone looks all skinny and weird. Today comics are done on computers. That rocks! Today’s comics are way so much better. Maybe I’ll do a whole column doggin’ the old style and giving props to the sweet comics that are coming out right now!
No, no! I’ve got it. I’m going to do a whole column on Internet comics and how off the hook they are! Flash animation and all that stuff is too cool!!! That’s the wave of the future, man. Comics can’t stay on paper forever! Get with the F’ing program!
Oh my God, no what I’m really going to do is a column on all the cool comic reporting that there is now that they didn’t have back when comics sucked. Wizard is the bomb! And sites like this all over the Internet with awesome columns like the one I’m gonna do, that are written by big-time fans like me are what’s cool about comics today. The Internet rocks!!!! Everyone can read what everybody is saying and there’s no censorship. Censorship sux!!!!
Oh my God, my column is going to be the S! Oh yeah, I can’t wait. You all are going to be like, THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!! Oh my God, this is so cool!
Hal told me that I should try to keep the column to six hundred words, so I’m running out of space. But now you know how awesome my column is going to be. It’s going to rock!!!! Next time I have enough money to buy Hal lunch for a week, I’m going to knock you all on your @$$ with my freaking column.
Laters!
Jimmy!
The opinions expressed above are entirely the author's and do not represent those of Silver Bullet Comics, or any of its staff, or contributors.
