Falcon Presto. Alfonso Crept. Frances Ploot. Preston Falco. The four of them crack reporters in a cracked world. These people bring you the stories no one else dares to.
Presto - former Marvel employee, fired for knowing too much. Has a really big nose.
Crept - ex CIA agent and bullshit world record holder. Picks at his feet.
Ploot - sophisticated, buxom, an arse to kill for and an ability that we can only talk about on www.sexmeupbaby.com.
Falco - one of the other three writing under a bad pseudonym.
These are Spoof Central - be afraid or just piss off!
Discount Shoe Heaven ideal venue" says stressed con organiser.
Dateline: Bristol, England, UK
"The way I see it is, comics are seen as a mainly male-orientated pastime. We should have some element specifically there to attract females. Shopping for shoes is the answer." So spoke renowned convention organiser and three-times regional finalist in the Dandy Dan Hair Pomade Fop Of The Year Contest, Kevin F. Sutherlan as he announced the venue for next year's mucho-anticipato sweatfest. He continued, without prompting: "The ladeez can try on slingbacks, or maybe this season's new take on the kitten heel, while their menfolk root around for cheap copies of X-Force Back When It Was Good, or stare at an American for an hour with a thin trail of drool trickling from one corner of their mouth."
Pausing only to allow small children and cripples to touch the hem of his garment, Sutherla went on, pulsating with beatification like the little light on a computer: "We looked at many possible venues, but turned them down for a variety of reasons. Our usual venue was completely booked. Every weekend for the next five years, according to the manager, and hardly anything left after that. Strange, eh? Then we thought we'd aim for a more specialist audience, but with the exciting tweak of making the event more open to the general public than it previous has was. The ideal was to stage the Confabulism in a public space that the public use, spacewise.
"By bringing the Comics Confestival to the Discount Shoe Heaven store just outside Broadmead Shopping Centre (a quaint Olde English term meaning, approximately, 'Mall') , we're bringing it to a potential audience of everybody who visits the Centre, walks all the way through it, goes out the back way, gets a bit lost and ends up in the scummy part of town. "
When asked about events at the event, Sutherl said, eventually, that the Discount Shoe Heaven's facilities made these even more astonishing than this year's. "There will be plenty of room in the store, with room for as many as seven people on the low square stool things. Also we will have exclusive access to the stockroom, with full use of kettle, and overflow facilities in the Children's Size 8 and Over section. And, if it's nice out, we can all sit cross-legged in a semi-circle on the pavement outside while somebody from DC holds up pictures of some books that will last six issues."
And guests? "Obviously there's only one contender for Guest Of Homour. Isabella. We've been trying to get The Tiger himself over for years. Doing so is finally my dream come true. Some other guys will turn up, and the fella who draws Little Plum in The Beano. And Woodrow Phoenix. Maybe Dan Abnett. Do you have any wax?"
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