Plot: A rogue Snake Eyes and Scarlet try to find information about the mysterious Cobra group while Destro wears a kilt and tests a teleportation device. One of these things does not go well.

Comments: The most interesting element of the book is the one that goes underexplored--why is the Baroness wearing a pink ball gown and sipping cognac with a kilt-wearing Destro? Just the idea of the two of them chilling out in his Scottish estate sippin’ Hennessey and plotting arms deals and the destruction of the world seems like it would be kind of fun and off-kilter.

What I mean is there’s none of the delightful weirdness of the G.I. JOE that I grew up with. The book in front of me is sort of humorless and bland. It has some of the trappings of a lively adventure book featuring characters with names like Snake Eyes, overly-complex scientific doo-dads, assaults via Jet Ski, and a crazy hail of bullets. At the same time, it is deathly serious which sadly doesn’t work for the content on display.

Said content involves Snake Eyes and Scarlet attempting to get more information on Cobra from an arms dealing associate. Meanwhile, Destro hopes to seal a rift between his Mars group and Cobra by taking out said chatty arms dealer. This, of course, involves a prototype teleporter, an accident, and meaning to the book’s prophetic cover. But there’s none of the dread or dramatic irony attached when it happens. In fact, it's possible many readers will just feel like Destro is kind of an idiot for not doing some better product testing.

Most problematic is how simply flat on the page everything is. It feels like I’ve read this story before and it saps all of the energy from the reading. Please Chuck Dixon, tell us why Cobra is so cool, mysterious, and evil, or perhaps make the Joes seem cooler and tougher than just generic commandoes.

The art is functional. Some of the characters look toy-like and posed which I suppose is appropriate.

Final Word: There’s not a lot to get excited about here. No real curveballs are thrown into the Joe mythos and it all feels like a protracted, by-the-numbers prequel.
If you liked this review, be sure to check out more of the author’s work at Monster In Your Veins

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