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Skrull Kill Krew

Posted: Wednesday, July 26, 2006
By: Stephen Holland

by Grant Morrison, Mark Millar & Steve Yeowell
Publisher: Marvel

Super(hero)-Size Me! Inspired, I would have thought, by the BSE (Mad Cow Disease) anxieties of ten years ago - as well public concern about the contents of McBurgers etc. (well, when I say "public concern" that hasn't stopped half of America and Britain turning themselves into blancmanges - and yes, I know, I am going to start walking into work again any day now) - this (even at the time) odd-ball project barely featured a Marvel superhero. Captain America pops up for some mom's apple pie jokes, but mostly it stars a small band of young men and women who've ignored the salad option and swallowed a burger that failed to agree with them because... it contained Skrull meat.

Okay, hold on, a bit of Marvel history for you. Skrulls are Marvel's alien shape-shifters. In their natural form, they're goblin-like creatures, iridescent green with knobbly chins, but after Reed Richards exposed them in an early issue of FANTASTIC FOUR, he opted for a somewhat unorthodox punishment: he hypnotised them into believing they were cows. And there they gracefully grazed for several years until the Kree/Skrull war, but you don't have to know anything about that - only that they were cows, who ended up as part of our McFood chain. Munch on that bunch, however, and you contract a virus that allows you to morph and see through an actual Skrull's disguise.

This band of happy campers have seen that light, and set off to slaughter as many Skrulls as they find impersonating humans - and they're everywhere. Great idea. But that's as far as it goes. I mean, that is it. That's the book. They bicker delightfully with each other, particularly the black, dreadlocked leader and the British neo-nazi (whose skin's being turned into a blotchy tan), but all they do is butcher Skrulls, over and over again, and since this was ten years earlier, the carnage-mongers amongst you won't even get the slimy green guts you crave. I do wonder, though, why we've never seen more Steve Yeowell at Marvel or DC.



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