"Who Is Wonder Woman?": Part One
Writer: Allen Heinberg
Artists: Terry Dodson(p), Rachel Dodson(i), Alex Sinclair(c)
Publisher: DC
Fair warning. I intend to spoil the entire issue. I cannot give you an idea of this issue's badness unless I expose the plot. So spoilers ahoy, and damn the torpedoes!
Continuity should not distract the reader. Continuity should strengthen the story. If it does not, one should ask does the continuity really need to be there. All of the unnecessary continuity in the latest issue one of the latest volume of Wonder Woman is lumped onto a very simple story covering three plot points: a hostage situation, a new Wonder Woman, the real Wonder Woman showing up at the end in a different form.
The first words spoken are:
"You can't be here, Donna."
Sergeant Steel speaks these words. This dialogue makes Donna's narration redundant. Donna states in the narration--ellipses removed:
"My name is Donna Troy. And I'm the new Wonder Woman."
Steel as far as I know doesn't know Donna Troy, and what Heinberg might have done instead of blither on about Themyscira, yet another Donna Troy origin, the killing of Maxwell Lord, etc. was to actually include a reminisce in the narration that is pertinent to the story. Where did Donna meet Sergeant Steel? These are the characters. They are responding to each other. That needs elaborated. I'm not asking for half the book detailing their meeting. I'm just asking for something like:
"Steel and I had the displeasure of meeting at a White House dinner. His cigar stank. He had the manners of Hal Jordan, and I prayed to Athena that I would not meet him again. The gods have a sense of humor. Since Diana resigned her post, this jackass has appeared too often in my life."
Donna enters the museum and finds “Steve Trevor” in a position that screams of ambush. A cheetah attacks. Not The Cheetah. An ordinary cheetah. Barbara Minerva the artist formerly known as The Cheetah has been cured of her lycanthropy. She now possesses the power to control cheetahs.
I suppose that even an ordinary cheetah can possibly surprise Donna, and that she has to take the cheetah bite to save "Trevor," but I don't understand why she gives Barbara Minerva her magic lasso. Minerva is unarmed. All Donna has to do is grab "Trevor" and fly out. Cheetahs don't fly. Minerva poses no threat to them. Though Giganta towers in the story, she does not make her presence known until Donna gives up her magic lasso. None of this makes any sense.
Giganta snatches up Donna and "Trevor." Donna escapes by using her star-shaped earring to stab Giganta's hand. Giganta reacts to this pain by growing really, really tall and smashing through the roof. Now Donna escapes with "Trevor." Why does Giganta react in such a way? Too little is known about this character. Oh, well. She reacts this way just because. It would have been a perfectly reasonable reaction had she screamed in pain and released her hostages. Donna could have then flown "Trevor" out the doors to the waiting arms of the police.
Donna instead flies "Trevor" to the park. Giganta starts searching for them. Donna states to Trevor:
"I'll think of something. After all, when David slew Goliath, all he had was a slingshot."
Yes. That's exactly what a Greek Amazon would say. Minerva uses Wonder Woman's golden lasso to snare Donna's foot. This is a contrived plot twist. Donna inexplicably giving Minerva the lasso is the only reason why Minerva possesses the device in the first place.
Donna uses the lasso to flit around Giganta's legs and trip her. Now if a giant woman falls, she should be out, but I'll just ignore that. The point is that Giganta once again captures Donna because of the magic lasso; the magic lasso that she inexplicably gave to Barbara Minerva.
Minerva seems to be about to deliver the killing blow with Wonder Woman's sword, which was by the way broken to artificially inflate dramatic impact in a scene for Infinite Crisis. Minerva is interrupted by what seems to be the bona fide Wonder Woman, actually a product of Dr. Psycho's mental manipulation. Dr. Psycho makes Wonder Woman to be the one-note character every one of her fans feared she would become. Psycho creates the illusion that the real Wonder Woman is about to kill Barbara Minerva. Donna attempts to stop her. Diana kills Donna, but of course this is all Dr. Psycho's doing. So, Donna only thinks she's dead.
I may consider Donna to be a cipher, but she should have more experience than this. Donna should not be so easy to psyche out. She has not been beaten within an inch of her life. She's not exhausted. The cheetah bite is the only damage she has received in the story. She has all her mental faculties. So how does Dr. Psycho sucker her so easily? There are certain inconsistencies in the illusion that Donna should have recognized. First and foremost, how can Diana be wearing her costume if she gave it to Donna before she resigned from the Themysciran Embassy? How is it possible that Wonder Woman can crush and later shatter Donna's Amazonian bracelets, which are made of a metal unknown to modern day humankind?
Presumably the villains make off with Donna Troy--a better hostage hopefully than "Trevor" was. "Trevor" actually the disguise artist Nemesis states:
"I'm the guy who lost Donna Troy. And I'm the also the guy who's going to find her."
Two questions. How did Nemesis lose Donna Troy? He was in the park watching everything from a safe distance. How did the villains escape with Donna Troy? None teleport. You can see Giganta a mile away, so it's unlikely she carted her off. Did they use conventional transport? How did they get past the police cordon? Heinberg doesn't answer any of the questions I want answered. He answers the questions I never dreamed about asking and about which I didn't really care.
Donna Troy is now Wonder Woman because--ellipses removed:
"Until the moment Diana discovered that the only way to stop a murderer named Maxwell Lord was to kill him. In the wake of the subsequent controversy, Diana walked away from her life as Wonder Woman and passed the mantle on to me."
The panels recapture Wonder Woman's slaying of Maxwell Lord and show her leaving the Themysciran Embassy on the next page. Something is missing between Diana killing Maxwell Lord and she leaving the Themysciran Embassy. What on earth can it be? Hmmmn. Let...me...think.
Can it be that Wonder Woman was in DC's Big Stupid Event of the summer Infinite Crisis? Why on earth would the writer and the editor eliminate Infinite Crisis? Everything else is in here; Donna's new origin; Wonder Woman's new reasoning for leaving Paradise Island; Donna joining the Titans; Wonder Woman killing Maxwell Lord; Wonder Woman leaving the Themysciran Embassy--which either happened at the end of the previous volume of Wonder Woman or will happen in DC's new Big Stupid Event 52.
I seem to recall that one of the reasons for Infinite Crisis was to clean up continuity. History repeats itself. Perhaps, you may argue that the writer left out Infinite Crisis because it's not relevant. Neither is Wonder Woman killing Maxwell Lord or everything else mentioned. All you arguably really need is the scene where Diana resigns. It doesn't actually matter why she resigned. That she resigned is all that matters to this story.
If you're really curious as to why Wonder Woman resigned, the dialogue belches a reason from poor man's Nick Fury Sergeant Steel. I haven't seen this sphincter since he appeared in a Superman Annual where he played a manipulative CIA sycophant to President Reagan. I thought that this lack of exposure was a good thing. Now the sphincter even looks more like Nick Fury, if given a robotic hand. The Dodsons clearly seeing the humor in this diluted copy, or LMD if you like, shadow one eye.
Sergeant Steel heads the Department of Metahuman Affairs. Even when disregarding the idea of a sergeant heading an entire department, he still has absolutely no reason to be in this issue of Wonder Woman.
The Amazons are not metahumans. Wonder Woman and Donna Troy are not metahumans. They are magically endowed creatures of mythological origin. A metahuman is a human being who possesses a gene that reacts to traumatic events with a mutation that gives the bearer of that gene a super-power. Everybody I'm sure remembers the Blasters.
The taking of hostages does not fall in Steel's jurisdiction. Given that "Steve Trevor" is DC's Deputy Secretary of Defense the situation falls in the jurisdiction of the Secret Service, designated to protect higher echelon members of all U.S. Government branches and special envoys to the U.S. Arguably they would be working in unison with local law enforcement--seen in the book--and the FBI--not seen in the book--who would still be in charge of counter terrorism given that Bush and September Eleventh never happened in the DCU. Either that, or DCU would have a Counter Terrorism Security Group, which President Clinton created, or a fictional team like CTU from 24.
Though annoying and unnecessary Sergeant Steel represents the tip of rescrambled continuity. The rest of the iceberg involves Donna Troy gaining yet another origin. Now, DC could have streamlined their continuity immensely by sticking to the simplest origin for Donna Troy. Pre-Crisis, Diana rescued the infant, orphaned Donna Troy from a burning building. She brought her to Paradise Island where she learned the Amazon ways and grew up to be Wonder Girl. Cosmos forbid that DC do anything simple. The new origin states--ellipses removed:
"Themyscira. Paradise Island. Home of the Amazons. I grew up there in the shadow of my sister Princess Diana. Until she left to become its ambassador to Patriarch's world."
All right. How can Donna be Wonder Woman's sister? Did Hippolyta form two statues out of clay? Why did Diana become a Princess and not Donna? Would they not be both referred to as Princess? Did Hippolyta flip a drachma? Sorry, Donna, the kiln heated Diana first.
The book goes on with Donna's story--ellipses removed:
"Inspired by Diana's heroism. I followed in her footsteps. First as Wonder Girl. Then simply as Donna Troy."
Forgetting Troia are we? Now this is one clumsy, shambling slab of continuity that I don't mind seeing shot in the head. Troia was a stupid name. Her being empowered by the Titans of myth was a stupid idea. This still doesn't explain she becoming Wonder Woman. Everybody in the book refers to her as Donna. They don't accept her as Wonder Woman. Why should we? Why would she not simply fight crime as Donna Troy?
The behavior of the villains makes little sense. Every one of these villains--The Cheetah, Dr. Psycho and Giganta--should be ecstatic that Wonder Woman has seemed to vanish. None of these morons have the psychosis of the Joker, who feeds off of the challenge Batman represents.
"Wonder Woman's gone!"
"Let's knock over some banks and break out the ice cream!"
Now that Barbara Minerva has been cured of her lycanthropy, what's her beef with the real Wonder Woman? Dr. Psycho's a fruitcake of the highest order, but he was absent from continuity until Greg Rucka regenerated interest in the little maggot. Since then he has lost his obsession over besting the Amazon Princess. In fact, he is now obsessing over Kate Spencer alias The Manhunter. Giganta is--I don't know what's up with Giganta. According to the story--le what? No ellipses?:
"Dr. Doris Zeul discovered she was terminally ill, she transferred her consciousness into the body of a size-shifting circus strong-woman, and became known as Giganta."
The original Giganta was an ape-woman. If you're not going with the original anyway, why then can't Giganta just be the giant strong-woman from the Super-Friends? Why do we need this added complication of consciousness transfer? Added complication to intrinsic continuity isn't conducive to good storycraft.
None of these villains have any motivation. They are shadows of their former selves. Dr. Psycho was an ugly, twisted dwarf who to make up for his own shortcomings found sexual pleasure in the domination of confident, beautiful women. This made him Wonder Woman's natural enemy. The Cheetah used to be a victim of multiple personality syndrome. Giganta was nothing more than a larcenous bitch meant to balance out Apache Chief.
The villains use "Steve Trevor", miraculously rejuvenated, as bait. Donna states--ellipses removed:
"Steve Trevor was the first man to ever set foot on Paradise Island. And one of my sister's best friends."
"Steve's" status as bait does make sense. Best friends always make good bait, but you cannot help wonder since he is one of Diana's best friends, how they met. You see, the new origin of Wonder Woman obliterates her rescue of Steve Trevor. Diana "left Paradise Island to become its ambassador to Patriarch's World." So exactly how did they become best friends? This is important to the characterization. If you erase character history, you should at least have the decency to replace it with something equally strong or stronger. John Byrne when writing Man of Steel, didn't just take for granted that Batman and Superman were friends, or enemies for that matter. Knowing that the World's Finest team concept was part of the Superman myths, he came up with an edgy meeting between the two characters.
Fortunately for Steve, Nemesis has taken his place. I liked Nemesis. Originally starring in an eponymous back-up feature in the pre-Crisis Brave and Bold, Nemesis was a character who exemplified good, pulpy writing and benefited from the superb artwork of Dan Spiegel and the ever underrated master Jim Aparo. Can anybody explain to me what the hell he's doing in Wonder Woman? Substituting for "Steve Trevor". Duh. Why is Nemesis disguised as "Steve Trevor"? How on earth did anybody know that "Steve Trevor" was going to be captured by "terrorists?" If the government had been informed, why would they not have set up a sting to capture the "terrorists?" One man is no sting. Well, Sting is Sting, but that's a different story.
Unfortunately for Nemesis fans, Nemesis is not Nemesis. Nemesis used specially designed masks that were so thin that the texture of the mask molded to his face. The substance used in the mask could be dissolved with a puff of chemical smoke. The post-post Crisis Nemesis uses digital trickery, and I hate to sound like a skipping CD, but this makes no sense. Up close, it's better to wear a mask. It's better to create an illusion rather than a recording. Why? Nemesis' digital imagery should be prone to the foibles of all electronic equipment: power surge, electrical and magnetic interference, glitches, power consumption issues, ion storms and of course the blue screen of death. A disguise artist wearing a beautifully constructed mask is far more convincing than a CGI Steve Trevor cloak. Besides, his clothing though looking like a suit and tie would still feel like a Nemesis jumpsuit. We must ask also where did Nemesis get the skill to construct such a device? If somebody else constructed the device, then you would not really need Nemesis. Any operative man or woman could impersonate "Steve Trevor" enough to be captured by "terrorists."
So finally we get to the end of the book where the real Wonder Woman may have shown up--this time in the form of Diana Prince, Wonder Secret Agent Woman, complete with updated white uniform. I liked this version of Wonder Woman a lot, and I have quite a few of her adventures. She was created to take advantage of the Emma Peel love train that swept across America. Sydney Bristow is gone from the airwaves. So why is Diana Prince once again a secret agent? Diana does not need to be a spy. The comic book reason for she becoming a spy was the loss of super-powers. Diana still has her powers. She had them in Infinite Crisis. There's no reason to think she would not have them now, unless of course she loses them conveniently in 52.
This whole story could have been written much simpler and in a more satisfying way for say anybody with a brain.
The police not Sergeant Steel learn of a hostage situation at a museum. The exhibit does not need to focus on Themysciran antiquities. "Steve Trevor" does not need to be the hostage. Nemesis does not need to take "Steve Trevor's" place.
Wonder Woman comes swooping in. Nobody really should know that it's Donna taking Wonder Woman's place. She looks very much like the real deal, and people see what they want to see. Donna trying to fill Wonder Woman's shoes--for some reason--discovers that the Wonder Woman Revenge Squad are the culprits. They would know Donna isn't Wonder Woman. A battle would ensue. The hostages would escape. Donna would be beaten. The police and the witnesses would watch the villains cart Wonder Woman away, and then you could reveal Diana Prince in the crowd. I see absolutely no reason why she needs to be in her white suit.
What's given is overly complicated, and the writer is so busy touching continuity points that he doesn't concentrate on the basic mechanics of storycraft: narrative, dialogue, themes, atmosphere, mood, characterization and the natural flow of the plot.
Wonder Woman certainly is pretty. With the Dodsons on board it could not look anything but pretty, and I'm sure that they felt Wonder Woman was a step up from Spider-Man: Let's Rape the Black Cat, but the story and re-jiggering of continuity in Wonder Woman is a headache inducing nightmare of bad writing. The dialogue is lifeless. The plot is filled with holes. The continuity overwhelms what should have been a simple reintroduction story, and I fear that this type of kitchen sink writing will exemplify the nu DC.
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