Current Reviews


Freshmen #3

Posted: Tuesday, December 6, 2005
By: John Hays

Writer: Hugh Sterbakov
Artists: Leonard Kirk (p), Andrew Pepoy (i)

Publisher: Image/Top Cow

This is your intrepid reporter coming to you live from a local university campus where a massive explosion caused by a malfunctioning experiment has lead a group of students to discover new abilities unlike anything they’ve seen before. These students have taken to seeing themselves as superheroes, and have even come up with a, if you’ll excuse the expression, “team name”: Freshmen. I’ll now head inside to see if I can get some information out of these young students.

Yes, young man, what is your name? Norrin? I’m sorry, it’s hard to understand you with a broken nose. What exactly is your new ability, Norrin? Nothing? Then what exactly are you doing here? Team leader? So you, who have no special abilities at all, have been chosen as team leader. Oh, so you’re training them in the ways of the superhero…yes, I can see this is going to go well. So Norrin, what has your “team” been able to accomplish so far since gaining their powers? Stopping a thief…well I suppose that’s a good start, but I was told that your first outing was actually a theft itself. Betterment of humanity…yeah, never heard THAT one before. Thank you for your time.

Let’s see here, ah yes, miss? Annalee, is it? What can you do? Ah, well that sounds most impressive. Can you tell me what I’m thinking right now? Actually, maybe that’s not a good idea since I’m married. Thank you very much. Oh, by the way, what is that young man’s problem over there? Yes, Elwood, why does he look hungover? Really? Well I suppose that could lead to some entertaining stories. Yes, I’ll be sure to avoid him while I’m here.

Excuse me sir, what is your name? You’d like to go by Quaker? You look Amish to me. What exactly can you do? Okaaay…no, no I’ll take your word for it. You cause earthquakes with your gut. I guess that can be helpful, although I just can’t think of a particular situation right now. How do you feel about your teammates? Well sure, that’s to be expected…the outside world is vastly different than your Amish community, but I’m sure you’ll get used to it.

Well hello beautiful, what’s your name? Paula? That’s a lovely name. What do you say we get out of here? Hey man, what are you doing? I was just talking to her mister, Jacques? I didn’t realize she was taken. Why do you smell like acorns? Speaking of nuts, is that a talking squirrel over there? Beaver? Oh, my mistake…it’s just not everyday that I see small talking furry animals.

Pardon me? Yes, you…Charles. Are you busy? I was just wondering why you were covering your ears like that. Interesting. So you can communicate with plant life. That sounds like it can come in quite handy. Excuse me? Really! Well I guess they do get tired of just sitting there day after day, but I don’t know how that’s my problem. Could you tell me who that unsavory looking couple are over there? Drama twins is it? What can they do exactly? Well they must get along pretty well if that’s the case. Why are you laughing?

Can you tell me why that young man’s body is completely covered? Sticky? That’s unfortunate, but perhaps he’ll find some use for it in the future.

Umm…excuse me young man but your fly is ope….good lord! Watch where you’re going, you could put an eye out with that thing!

Well I think I’ve seen enough. This group of misfits obviously has a long way to go before they can really be considered a team. That doesn’t seem to be slowing them down, however. I’ve learned that they plan on “retrieving” yet another vital piece of equipment which their professor tells them will “benefit mankind”. Personally, I don’t trust that professor…he’s got that beady look in his eyes. I think these students are in for a shock very soon.

We can only wait and see how things will progress for these young “superheroes”, and wish them the best. This is your intrepid reporter, signing off.

(If you wish to better understand this report, be sure to pick up Freshmen each month from Top Cow!)

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