Writer: Joss Whedon Artists: John Cassady, Laua Martin(c) Publisher: Marvel
The X-Men have their collective asses handed to them by the first Slayer. That's what it looked like to me, and it certainly sounds better than a robot with circuitry dreadlocks that was born out of a holodeck accident proceeds to destroy the X-Men for reasons that are up in the air.
I am aware that she/it is the Danger Room animated, and the Danger Room's purpose is to kill X-Men, but she has the ability to become whatever she likes. Why can't she simply go off and pick flowers or play with puppies? I asked the same question when Joe Quesada made Iron Man's suit come to life. Somebody wrote back when I made that original suggestion so long ago that "such an assinine twist wouldn't be very exciting, now would it?" My reply as well fits here. "And this is?"
I mean look. The Danger Room has been designed to kill the X-Men. So, it's predictably trying to kill the X-Men. The X-Men try to pound at the robot, and all I could think of was why am I reading this? It's not original. It's not witty. What is the risk in the situation? What's at stake? The X-Men are not going to die. Although the robot manages to skewer two of them, I do not for one second believe that the X-Men will die. For all I know, Xavier is actually playing a mind game with the robot while the X-Men are sipping tea somewhere, but none of this matters. The lives at stake cannot be seen, and this whole situation seems like another mutant-centered problem rather than a super-hero scenario seen in previous issues.
What helped make Mr. Whedon's first story so fascinating was the threat to ordinary lives. The X-Men in costume sped to the rescue. They're super-heroes. We could see Kitty coming out of the floor and, while cupping her hand over the hostages' mouths, phasing the hostages out of harm's way. By contrast, robot vs. X-Men. Dull.
Joss Whedon suggests the robot's circuitry and her shell are malleable--probably nanites, and that doesn't make me feel good either. Why waste time killing X-Men? You've got a life now. Live it, and be free. You know, if you kill the X-Men, another super-hero--one whose moves you do not know--is just going to come along, web you up and set you out in the rain to rust.
What else happens? Well, I'm starting to think that given the design of one of the aliens attached to SWORD--the UNIT branch of SHIELD--Lockheed just may be the alien spy. Remember. He's not a real dragon. Kitty picked him up on a Brood ship, if memory serves and that continuity still exists. Lockheed is an alien. The alien among SWORD looks like a bipedal dragon.
SWORD provides Astonishing X-Men with the only interesting scenes. Okay. The fight scenes are pretty good, but in no way are they Buffy the Vampire Slayer good, and they don't really add anything to a sturdy storyline because this is a flimsy story.
The "Hydra-haired"--see that's wit I expect from Whedon--Special Agent Brand of SWORD checks in on the superbly pathetic nasally-challenged alien that Lockheed burned in a previous issue, and he's the only provider of comedy. No, wait. Scratch that. Xavier provides humor too. It's funny when a man confined to a wheelchair challenges a killer robot that should be able to eviscerate him before he can think up some last words. My thought here was maybe you should call in some backup, Chuck. Like Babs Gordon for instance. The Wheels of Prey!
