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Fantastic Four #507

Posted: Saturday, November 29, 2003
By: Ray Tate



Authoritative Action: Part bloody Five

Writer: Mark Waid
Artists: Howard Porter(p), Norm Rapmund(i) Avalong's Matt Milla
Publisher: Marvel

Somebody hand me a bat! This storyarc of Fantastic Four has dragged out too long and aches to be put down. It's been something like nine issues of this Dr. Doom nonsense if you combine this crap with "Unthinkable," and Latveria has worn out its welcome. Not that I ever wanted to visit.

The silliest plot twists present themselves this issue. I'm talking Namor casting the FF in a movie silly. Reed character continues to degenerate. The atmosphere of darkness de-evolves farther to reach dankness. This slimy story doesn't belong in the Fantastic Four.

Howard Porter does what is called of him--minus the WW I Doughboy peacekeepers, but his style of artwork better suits the more cosmic, or dare I say it fantastic, type of story in JLA. He deserves better than this sludge that makes one need to shower after reading.
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Against all reason Reed decides that despite being trapped in hell, Doom will eventually get out. Now, Reed has met Mephisto, and the only reason why the astral forms of he and his wife escaped hell was due to Franklin Richards' near omnipotent power. Something that Doom does not possess.

In a display of utter arrogance and stupidity of the highest order, Reed abducts Doom from hell and traps him in Castrovalva. Doom incidentally neither talks or behaves like any Doom with whom an FF reader happens to be familiar.

This idiotic behavior prompts the remaining members of the FF to mount a rescue operation. Their interference permits Doom's escape by--actually this is never explained. All you need to know or rather all the writer believes you need to know is that despite the fact that Sue isn't even looking at the big dope or aware of the flesh faced yo-yo's presence that she somehow happens to have her mind switched so that Doom is riding in Sue's body, and Sue has left the M.C. Escher Village.

Let me explain why this is wrong. SUE SLEEPS AND HAS SEX WITH REED. Don't you get it? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW! Doom is riding in Sue Richards' body. Doom is in a body that has been gleefully pounded by elongated body parts. I ask you now would Doom allow such a sully to his person? Never! Not in a million years. Doom hates Reed Richards. Why would he choose the body that has been the most intimate with his most hated enemy when two other bodies who did not have rubbery contact with Reed were available--not that it would make any sense since nobody can actually see Doom in the Doctor Who conundrum. Again, I say EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!



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