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Killraven #4

Posted: Saturday, January 11, 2003
By: Ray Tate



Writer/Artist: Alan Davis(p),Mark Farmer(i), Gregory Wright(c)
Publisher: Marvel

This is a lousy book, and I only waste my time reviewing it to punish myself for being suckered by Alan Davis and Marvel. So, let me just say right here and now that I don't care if you get Alex Ross to render a new mini-series about Doctor Bong from Howard the Duck. I will not--repeat, not--buy it.

When last we left the disco warriors, they were about to be sliced and diced by a low-budget horror. Sadly this does not occur. Using Xena's chakram, and yes, I'm aware it's a real ancient weapon of war, Killraven manages to sever one of the horror's tentacles. Okay, first, the way he uses the chakram--he kicks it. He does a chorus line kick, and sends it a full one foot into the tentacle. They just don't make rubber in the future like they did in the old days.

Seriously, even if the chakram is razor-sharp, Killraven's kick couldn't have possibly sent it slicing through the air to make a deep gash in the rubber. When Xena pulled such a trick, she usually sent the weapon careening from wall to wall so it picked up angular momentum. Thus, the force of the blow and the depth in which the chakram sank into the flesh all exponentially increased. Killraven simply boots the chakram which flies in the proper way and not say like a flipped quarter into the rubber tentacle. The chakram at the most should have nicked the poor low-budget horror.

Killraven next pulls a pouch from his utility s & m wear and whips out a barbed leash. Okay. Now, we're getting silly. How many heroes carry around a barbed leash? I mean Batman does not even carry a barbed leash in his utility belt a barbed leash. Needless to say Killraven's uncanny aim ropes two heads. Now, once again, I feel the need to point out that Killraven is just a guy, a muscular guy, sure, but he's just a guy, and he doesn't have the strength to clunk the two giant heads together.

What M'shulla does would work, but who really cares? It's Killraven! Alan Davis couldn't let the poor beast die with dignity. He's got to get a talking head in there which thanks Killraven for putting him out of his misery. Apparently the poor sod was mixed in with the all sorts nightmare. For some reason this scene is supposed to be poignant and tragic. I couldn't stop laughing.

We next find out Mint Julep is part vegetable. Okay. So, she's built like a woman from a wet dream. She has the eyes of a cat and she's named after a potent potable. She's vegetable why? The goofty thing is that she's the only vegetable woman seen. I mean if I could grow a woman like that in my garden, I'd grow acres of them! Instead, we have weird mish-mashes of animals and humans.

The reason for this excursion is to rescue Volcana who was last seen in Superman: The Animated Series. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It's a Marvel book. Well, I'm pretty darn sure there wasn't a pyrotechnic in the original Killraven adventures, and this could possibly give DC or the WB the leverage to pursue a lawsuit, but really, who is reading this book? Just yours truly. We who have been suckered. Volcana is very nice. In fact, she's the character with whom you'd love to have a cup of tea and chat about your crop of green women in the backyard, but she's stuck in Killraven a book that has no reason to exist.







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