The Old Master

I was kind of geeking out this last couple of weeks about Tales of Earthsea, the new upcoming movie from Studio Ghibli. Ghibli is the child of the man Barbara and I call The Old Master: Hayao Miyazaki. (We also call the guy who directed the anime of Fruits Basket this sometimes, but that’s more of the Old Master, no caps on the “the.” THE Old Master, on the other hand, is Hayao Miyazaki.)

I was kind of GEEKING OUT because yes, this new movie is going to be based on Ursula LeGuin’s fantasy Earthsea series. Specifically, mostly, book 3, THE FARTHEST SHORE.

Wel... I read up more about it, and then I was just KIND OF geeking out about it. It’s by The Old Master’s son, really, that’s who’s in charge of it. Okay, that’s cool… After all, Ghibli’s THE CAT RETURNS wasn’t by The Old Master as such, but by one of his elite, high-level disciples, I mean students. So how much better might The Old Master’s son be?

Well… apparently, The Old Master himself was apprehensive about it. Bad sign… except that as a Dad or as a Task Master, The Old Master can be a little ornery. As we watched the extras for SPIRITED AWAY, we heard stories about how The Old Master would be at a meeting and talking about how the dragon should be drawn/animated…

“So he’s poisoned, so she has to put the medicine in his mouth, which is really scary, because he’s sick and blood is coming out, and, and, you know how it looks when you put your hand in a dog’s mouth? … You, come on, you haven’t put your hand in a dog’s mouth?”

“Sir, we all live in apartments, as kids, I guess we’ve, none of us as kids or adults have ever really been allowed to own dogs in modern-day Tokyo…”

“Are you KIDDING me? Not ONE PERSON HERE has put his or her HAND INTO A DOG’S MOUTH before? What are the youth coming to? Somebody go get me a dog, right now!”

And when describing how the dragon should fly…

“Okay, so it’s this very sinewy, back-and-forth, uh, he’s flying around but he’s being poisoned by these little things chasing him, so it’s kind of, you know what it’s like, is like when you see a snake fall out of a tree? … What? … WHAT? Are you KIDDING ME? YOU PEOPLE HAVE NEVER SEEN A SNAKE FALL OUT OF A TREE?”

“Sir, with all respect, I guess our generation has lived in apartments in Tokyo all our lives, we’ve hardly ever been able to get out into the countryside very often…”

“You have got to be KIDDING me! Not ONE of you has EVER SEEN A SNAKE FALL OUT OF A TREE? Someone get me some footage of – NO! We’re going to take a FIELD TRIP this weekend and go FIND some snakes somewhere where I can SHOW you a snake FALLING OUT OF A TREE! What are the youth coming to?”

He’s like that. It’s part of why we love him.

So his son kind of got things off on the wrong foot when he accepted the job of heading up TALES FROM EARTHSEA, and they wanted a little speech, and the son was like “I just want to do the best job I possibly can, and I imagine that afterwards I’ll just go back to being in charge of the Ghibli museum and all, but… I hope that I can make all of you proud.”

The Old Master was so mad at this choice of humility rather than a bold show of confidence that he didn’t talk to his son during the whole project, apparently, just sort of keeping their heads down and staying silent when they met in the hall.

On the other hand, when they had the premiere in Japan of TALES FROM EARTHSEA, The Old Master seemed kind of pleased, saying something like “This was a good film, and it was done right,” or words to that effect.

On the gripping hand, reviews suggest that while it’s pretty cool, his son sure ain’t The Old Master.

So I’m not sure any more about how high to get my hopes up.

But from what I’m thinking, it looks about like this:

Pom Poko: One-Sentence Plot: Racoon-like animals (tanuki, really, but they’re similar) fight a housing development in their woods. ... Barb and I saw this this weekend from Netflix. It had some really good bits, but it is, I must say, in spite of the fact that The Old Master didn’t spearhead the old thing, in spite of the fact that it was a very early work, my least favorite thing The Old Master has ever been involved with. It wasn’t that all the magical raccoon-like tanuki have big, noticeable ball sacks. That’s just traditional. What else do you expect from tanuki, after all? They’re a mystical animal known for their sexual potency, I gather. No, it’s that the movie was both preachy and really depressing.

Grave of the Fireflies: One-Sentence Plot: At the end of WWII, the United States dropped nuclear weapons on Japan. ... I haven’t seen it. I know it’s about the nuclear holocaust unleashed at the end of World War II. So I rank it as the movie involving The Old Master I have the least possible interest in, except for Pom Poko. That could be a mistake, but I can’t really judge without seeing it, and that’s certainly not going to happen.

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind: One-Sentence Plot: In a sci-fi world with big, big bugs, a girl… flies around on a sort of glider-thing. ... People everywhere love this girl and her Valley of the Wind, but Barb and I just couldn’t get into it. As far as I recall, we couldn’t even finish it.

Princess Mononoke: One-Sentence Plot: Wolf-girl adoptee Mononoke, the Tarzana/Mogli of the Forest, fights… well, the humans who more or less want to build a housing development in her woods. ... It’s better than Pom Poko, but… this was the first movie by The Old Master where people in this country were really excited about it. We saw it at this big geeky premier at the museum of natural history (that’s how I remember it, anyway) in Cleveland. Every geek in Cleveland was there, so… yeah, a little overcrowded, people kicking our chair and being a little too noisy. You know how geeks can be. I was a little disappointed by Mononoke. Too preachy, and at the end you were like… you characters are somewhat triumphant, but not nearly triumphant enough. Barb says: “We know we are in the minority about Mononoke. Gaiman did the English script doctoring, we know, we KNOW. Do not write to us in defense of Mononoke.” I agree – go post it on your own blog. But read the rest of the list first, maybe you’ll forgive me.

Ocean Waves: One-Sentence Plot: While on vacation, a high-school guy meets a girl... will they end up together? ... This nice little romance has nothing really wrong with it, but doesn't exactly stand out among Ghibli's output, although of course it's way ahead of most animation and even most romance movies, kinda.

My Neighbors the Yamadas: One-Sentence Plot: Short vignettes about the lives of a slightly wacky Japanese family. ... Summarizing the plot doesn't really do this film justice -- it's really pretty funny. The only reason it comes at this point in my list is just because there's so much good stuff that tops it.

Panda Go Panda: One-Sentence Plot: A little girl who's very responsible is temporarily left on her own while her grandmother goes on a trip, and a little panda and his dad, attracted by the really nice bamboo nearby, move in. ... Now we’re really starting to get there. If you have really small children, then for Christ’s sake (he loved the little children-- all the children of the world) go out immediately and get a copy of PANDA GO PANDA. It’s a pretty good title in and of itself, but in Japanese it was Panda KoPanda, which apparently means: “Panda, Baby Panda.” This is a totally fantastic show that’s this low on my list for only one reason: it’s NOT all-ages -- it excludes all 8-year-olds through 16-year olds right off the bat, who will roll their eyes and pretend to throw up at being offered such kiddie fare. Boys ages 8 on up to 25 are liable to do this, frankly. You have to be a sweet little child or really in touch with the Cute Side Of The Force to truly enjoy Panda Go Panda. But if you are… there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfect for what it is. Which is just not for everyone.

Only Yesterday: One-Sentence Plot: A grown woman on vacation just can’t help but get in touch with the little girl inside her, as she re-discovers feelings she thought she’d set aside for-maybe-forever… like true love. ... Oh, man, this is almost there. The only problem is that the guy she falls in love is a little preachy when it comes to the environment and thus has at least one speech that slows down the pacing right when it shouldn’t. Barb and I can never remember the real title of this film; we just refer to it as “It Is Important To Preserve Hydroponic Farming In Modern Japan,” or “Hydroponic Farming” for short. But it’s really good, and has The Old Master's BEST ending, hands down.

Howl’s Moving Castle: One-Sentence Plot: A witch casts a spell on Sophie that makes her into an old lady… can good-lookin’, irresponsible, bad-boy magician Howl help her break the spell… before all the bad stuff Howl’s been running away from catches up with him? ... Based on the book by Diana Wynne-Jones. Which I rather enjoyed, but the weakest parts of the book were by Wynne-Jones, and the best and most innovative bits were invented by The Old Master. The big climax (from the book) feels weak. Great cast, though. The anti-war message feels a little preachy… or would, if we didn’t live in Bush’s America now. As it is, it just feels like “Yep. We understand, The Old Master, we’re sick of the war, too.”

Tales From Earthsea: One-Sentence Plot: All the magic and life and good stuff is going out of the world, and a young man who’s our narrator follows the greatest magician in the world around to see who’s behind it… and if they can stop it. ... Right about HERE is where I’m hoping this movie will be.

Laputa: Castle in the Sky. One-Sentence Plot: A boy meets and teams up with a girl who holds the secret to the land of Laputa, a.k.a. the Castle in the Sky… and everybody but everybody wants to capture them. ... This is a heck of a good adventure with a satisfying ending. The pacing makes it seem a little longer than it is, but it’s so exciting and beautiful, you don’t mind it much – you don’t really want it to end, anyway. You can’t watch the first 20, 30 minutes and turn away – I predict you’ll be pretty hooked.

Porco Rosso: One-Sentence Plot: In the first half of the 20th century, a guy cursed to look like a humanoid pig is the bravest and most daring pilot in the world, but can he and his new girl mechanic stop the air pirates, the rival for his love’s affections, AND the Italian Air Force that he’s AWOL from? ... Okay, all the movies I’ve mentioned by The Old Master before now? Porco Rosso beats them all. It’s great, with a great cast, too. You don’t get it explained to you, exactly, how (so they say) a witch cursed Porco to look like a pig in a world of human beings, or what, but it doesn’t matter. This is a great film.

Spirited Away: Once-Sentence Plot: A little girl’s family gets lost while trying to find the new house they’re moving to, and get stuck on, well, The Other Side, and it’s up to her to save them all. ... Okay, you know how everyone was supposed to be impressed with this Hayao Miyazaki they’d heard so much about, and here came Princess Mononoke, and they were like, "Hmm, that’s Miyazaki, eh? Gee, I guess it was pretty good…" THIS is the movie that came next and they were all like, "Oh. Oh my God. Truly, He IS The Old Master." Spirited Away is really, really good. Based on the personality of a real 11-year-old girl, the daughter of one of the top people developing the film, Chihiro FEELS real. Please see this film.

The Cat Returns: One-Sentence Plot: A girl saves the life of a cat, who turns out to be the Cat Prince, but his dad thinks that a marriage would be a great idea for the girl and the Prince, which is how she gets stuck in the Land of Cats… only the greatest hero of Cat World, The Baron (and his associates), can stop the wedding and get her out of this mess! ... A basic, delightful fairytale that… well, delights. It’s just great. Not as complex as most of Ghibli’s other films, probably because it’s really by a favored former apprentice of The Old Master, but it’s no less great for that, in my opinion. Man, I wanna see this movie again. I’m gonna go put it on Netflix right now.

Whisper of the Heart: One-Sentence Plot: A girl, inspired by a little curio shop and the doll of a cat named “The Baron” that she discovers there, finds that she wants to be a writer – no, NEEDS to be a writer – but what about the grandson of the shop owner, who she’s getting increasingly attached to, who’s about to leave and go to Italy to try to learn to be a master craftsman of violas – are they going to wait for each other, or what? ... This is a really great film about a high school girl who suddenly finds that the adult world of life-altering decisions and creative passions (but not sex) is rushing in on her all at once. Plus, the story she ends up writing sounds a LOT like it was a rough draft for The Cat Returns. This is a great film, and that guy who’s the vice-president and spokesman for Pixar said so on Turner Movie Classics.

Kiki’s Delivery Service: One-Sentence Plot: A young witch, Kiki, doesn’t seem to have any real magical skills, other than flying on her broom… can she use her infectiously positive personality to discover her inner strength? ... This is a fantastic movie. Barb and I were in an anime rental place one time and a family came in. Kiki’s Delivery Service was on a shelf near ground level. When she saw it, a little girl ran over to it, squealing, “Kiki! Kiki! Look, Daddy, Kiki! Kiki! Kiki!” Pause… “Can we take this one home?”

Lupin III: Castle of Cagliostro: One-Sentence Plot: Lupin III sets out to save the girl and find out who’s making the counterfeit money that’s started to flood Europe, and he stumbles onto an even bigger secret. ... This is THE Lupin movie. I’ve talked before in this column about how much I love it. It’s pretty much perfect.

My Neighbor Totoro: One-Sentence Plot: A couple of sisters whose mother is sick in the hospital move to a new country house, and meet Totoro, the spirit of the forest (and his little helpers). ... This is it. This is pretty much the holy grail of The Old Master. This is the one that says it all. It’s just beautiful, it’s all-ages, the ending is perfect, it’s exciting, it’s unforgettable.

So that’s it. That’s where I’m placing my expectations for TALES OF EARTHSEA.

I can say, though, that people are going nuts for the theme song overseas. Play the trailers and you’ll hear why.

http://www.ghibli.jp/25trailer/
http://www.ghibli.jp/26trailer/

http://www.nausicaa.net/miyazaki/earthsea/
http://www.jpop.com/

…

Doing a little more research, I have just learned that because someone allowed The Sci-Fi Channel to make an Earthsea series, the licensing involved means that a translated TALES OF EARTHSEA won’t be allowed to be released in the U.S. by Disney until 2009.

::Inexpressable rage::

::Jon Stewart voice:: DAMN YOU, SCI-FI CHANNEL!!!

…

All I can say is, The Cat Returns better show up in my mailbox pretty damn quick.

That’s it for this time. Next time: Naruto, Shonen Jump, Pandora, Kibakichi, toys, Stan the Man and more…