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The Good, The Bad, And This Kid: “Adrift Miscellany”

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Welcome to issue number five, and the start of my going weekly. Yes, you read right, I am no longer a bi-weekly columnist, I have transcended the fortnightly routine. My evil plan is underway, UHAHAHAHA, there is no stopping me! Ahem, sorry about that, I seemed to have gotten a little carried away. Anyway, I’m very excited that I’m now able to post my little column on a weekly basis, though I’m sure many of you are shaking your heads in disbelief. So, let’s get started on this week’s topic (I can say this week’s now, and it makes sense). I usually don’t do this, but when I was preparing to write this column I started looking at other columns being posted about comics. It’s amazing how many are out there, and yet, there are only a few that stick out as being the crème de la crème.

So, here I am, enjoying a nice can of Dr. Pepper (man, that really comes off as product placement) and I can’t help thinking, where I fall in all of this. Where my “farce” of a column stands in a sea of well defined columns. If you think about it, my column doesn’t really have a theme, there is nothing set in stone regarding what I talk about. It’s not a rumor column like “Lying In The Gutters” or “All The Rage”; it’s not a spoof column like “Spoof Central” or “You’ll All Be Sorry”; and it’s certainly not a journal of my exploits into the comic business like “My Epic Journey” or “Ambidextrous” (congratulations to Brandon on bagging your first comic writing gig, you’ve got my money). So, what the hell am I? Well, to be honest with you, I started off with the idea that I’d do a column that ranted a bit, then reviewed some comics I had just read, but that’s not really the most novel of ideas (just to be clear, I meant that last comment not as a shot at anyone, but rather saying SBC already has a guy who writes that column). So, I made the decision to be a mutt, to be the gray in the colorful world of comic book columns. Unfortunately, even that isn’t a fresh idea. There are plenty of mutt columns out there, columns that exist solely to be staples of people’s frustration or admiration for the industry. So, the question remains, what am I going to do in order to stand out amongst these other columns? The answer is really quite simple, I’m going to be myself. I’m going to be the goofy guy I’ve always been. A friend and I were talking and we were joking about the fact that I only exist to make the funny. Now, certainly that isn’t my answer to “Why am I here?” but it does raise a lot of thoughts.

Now, with half of this column done, I’ve managed to solve absolutely nothing at all. I’ve so far only succeeded in stating what many people already knew, that I’m a goofy A-hole. So, now I’d like to know where I’m going with this, and I’m sure the rest of you would like to know that too. Well, I’d hoped that at some point I’d figure out where my column was heading and what it all meant, but…oh wait, I think I’ve got it. I call this column “The Good, The Bad, and This Kid,” but why? Like I said earlier, I originally was planning on reviewing comics, but quickly dropped the idea, so why did I keep a title that hints at reviews? Because I can. Yes, that’s correct, I am simply writing to waste your valuable time, no I kid. I named the column GBK for a reason, because with my column I write about the things in comics that strike me. So, I write about the good things and the bad things, as I see it. There, it all makes sense now, sure it’s the kind of sense that leaves you feeling confused and discombobulated, but it’s sense either way. Whew, I feel so much better now, it’s like a great weight has been lifted off of me. Or better yet, it’s as though I am seeing things for the first time, like the whole spectrum of our world is clean and new. Okay, I kid again, sorry.

Also, there is something else I wanted to bitch about, what was it? Oh yeah, the new Spider-Man animated show on, of all channels, MTV. By the time you faithful three read this column the new Spidey show will have been on for a week, but last night the first episode aired (creepy time travel). I went into this thinking it was going to suck, and it didn’t disappoint, it was the worst pass at a comic cartoon I’ve ever seen, and I was a kid during UPN’s Hulk animated series. What’s even worse is, Brian Michael Bendis, the monopolist of comic writing, had a great deal to do with this series. From what I saw, he co-produced and wrote some of the teleplay for this garbage (oh no, I’m talking badly of everyone’s favorite writer, I will be hated by all). Now, I’m usually a fan of Bendis’ work on DD and Ultimate Spidey (not always, which shows that he is human), so I was that much more shocked by seeing his name in the opening credits. The man who re-wrote Spider-Man for the generation growing up now, is always the man pushing shit animated Spider-Man at the MTV crowd (or whatever the hell they want to be called).

Alright, well remember how earlier I said I let the idea of reviewing comics I read go? Well, I lied, in a way. If anyone read my last column “Coming Back With a Sword” you know that I’ve started a new thing where I promote projects I enjoy. Just a few days ago (or last week when you read this), SBC Chief Editor Craig Lemon (or as I call him, “The Lemon”) sent me a story written by Clifford Lawrence Meth called, Wearing The Horns. It’s a trade paperback published by Aardwolf Publishing, about a guy named Little Herb who spends his early adulthood years studying religion and being picked on immensely. As Little Herb grows up, his life continues to be filled with very few ups and plenty of downs. Moreover, the book is about the human psyche, and presents issues of whether religion gets in the way of human development or if human development can only be reached through religion. It also has a lot to do with the theory of “the hand you’ve been dealt”. Little Herb has had it rough and is never able to break that cycle, is it because of his religious beliefs or is he just not capable of turning the bad into something productive? Withal, does his rotten, so-called life stem from the fact that he has a small penis? The story is just amazing, I was sent only the text, so I cannot judge the art, but the story alone is worth many a praise. Mr. Meth wrote a story that I couldn’t turn away from, I started reading it and just couldn’t stop, which was kind of bad being as how I read it on a computer screen, I may have suffered serious damage. I encourage everyone to read this book, if you don’t I’m afraid something bad might happen, and do we really want that? I didn’t think so, so go check it out at Aardwolf Publishing - this is also available at shocklines.com via this link http://store.yahoo.com/shocklines/besinbook.html which gets you a freebie called Crib Death plus a FULL REFUND on the book if you’re not completely satisfied with it…how damn cool is that?

Well, that about wraps it up for this week. Please feel free to e-mail me any comments of complaints, or stop by the Soapbox message forum I’ll be starting some sort of thread there. I hope to see you all back next week, who knows there might actually be a longer column. Anyway, ‘til next time…

- Josh Stone


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