The Millionth Word...

By Tony Lee

First off, let me apologise for the lack of a column last week – but with a variety of conventions and public holidays, it got a bit lost in the shuffle. But I did start this last week, in fact I started this column while at the Expo, so without further adieu...

I'm writing this on a Sunday at the MCM Comic Expo – and something's wrong. For a start, we're not hung over. Secondly, we're sitting at our table and I'm working while Dan sketches some commissions. So technically, we're being professional - it's very concerning. But don't worry, gentle folk, this is mainly because we partied for the entire reputation of the comic industry on the Friday night, when happy hour gave us three for two on some rather expensive and incredibly alcoholic cocktails. And the problem with having sales is you buy more than you would, because it seems 'such a bargain'... By the end of the hour we had about eight cocktails each lined up in front of us. Not one of our brightest moments – or rather one of our finest moments, depending on whom you speak to...

Our happy hour swag, minus a couple of casualties...
So, it was a great weekend, and for a change we actually made money, which made us feel like real boys, Gepetto. To my delight I had a lot of Doctor Who fans come over to tell me how much they enjoyed The Forgotten and a) have The Time Machination on order and b) are eagerly awaiting the ongoing in July. And as a surprise treat Walker Books sent me some posters and a couple of preview copies of Outlaw: The Legend Of Robin Hood, which looks incredible and is out in a week, kids, so go order it from your local bookstore. That's right – bookstore. It's going on an international-wide release.

I also had some MILF Magnet that, once out of the 'for your safety' polybagging were a serious success, with genuine laugh-out-loud responses from people looking at them.

Of course the main reason to come to the MCM Expo for me was to judge the MCM Cosplay Masquerade with my friend Kaz – I only really see her at these events and we sit and hassle the presenters and to be honest, I laugh more in these two hours than in the rest of the day, and have done every time I've judged in the last three years. Also, it's great to see some of the kids who started making their costumes in my first masquerade now suddenly making incredible costumes. It's really taken off in the UK as shown by the fact that the Expo grabbed the Guinness Cosplay world record this weekend, and in a terribly small way, I'm proud to be involved in it.

Although fat, thirty year old men dressed like schoolgirls still freak me out.

Also, the 'FREE HUGS' signs that people have carried around are finally starting to alter in a humourous vein – I saw dozens of 'FREE SWINE FLU' banners and my favourite was a 'FREE TIBET' one. Nice one guys.

One of the amusing things this weekend for me however was the fact that people were coming to me and telling me how my writing was getting better – which is always nice to hear – and then, to show this logic would then point out cases where I'd written the story a long time ago...

Case in point. One guy came up and told me how he really loved "Necrophim", how it was leaps ahead from "Stalag #666", and how he could see my skills progress in every story – "Stalag #666" to "Citi-Def" to "Necrophim" to the recent "Tales from the Black Museum". I then explained to him that actually, the printing of these stories didn't relate to the stories being written. The first 2000 AD tale I ever wrote was my most recent one, "Tales from the Black Museum", back in 2007. Then, I wrote "Citi-Def". Then, I wrote "Stalag #666" but, while writing it, I also wrote "Necrophim: Prologue" side by side. Not including the next series of "Necrophim" (which comes out in October) and my next "Black Museum" tale, my most recent work was Stalag #666, technically. Which means I'm reversing that list, which means that technically, according this this fan? I'm getting worse. And I had it with Robin Hood, which people looked at and said I'd finally hit my stride – but Outlaw: The Legend Of Robin Hood was written over three years ago.

It's an amusing business, but luckily, before I could start to cry into my vitamin refreshment drink, I had people point out that they loved Hope Falls, which at least came out last year. And more importantly, the book that Diamond US cancelled because it wouldn't sell the figures that Diamond wanted? Has sold out of its first printing and we're now looking to go to second print, with all new cover. That's right, kids, bar maybe one or two copies left at the Markosia warehouse or copies your shop might have ordered for you, in the week since it was launched, we've sold every single copy. Huzzah. Dan and I even made money from it.

And the most amazing thing? Was being asked to sign a leather bound Doctor Who book signed over the last couple of decades by pretty much every major Doctor Who – related personage. And then asked to sign a second one later that day for the guy's father, who'd been doing this a decade longer...


The book in question, with first page of autographs...
The worst thing about the MCM Expo this year however was the red tape. This was the first year in a few that I'd stopped my organisational 'Comic Village' involvement, as the Comic Village is now in the capable hands of Anna and Emma and Andrew, or 'Pud' – and Anna did a stunning job getting so many creators there, including Warren Ellis. But the emails were a bit haphazard and creators were given the wrong information, and some of us were even left off the list and had to fight to get into the show to man our own tables. And woe betide a guest of a creator getting in.

Now, this wasn't because of Anna, god no – she had everything sorted. She hadlists of lists. This was because of the fact that some people in the Organisation of the Expo seemed to have their noses put out of joint that someone else would dare to encroach their little admin world and I had one row with the MCM Marketing woman who swore blind that I hadn't emailed her the details of guests, and that I couldn't just give them to the desk as it had never been done that way when a) I've done it that way every show for the last three years because there will always be a last minute industry or press guest, b) she didn't even have my name on her list, so the chances of her having my guests name would be slim and c) She wasn't even involved in the Comic Village.

Yeah. I'm pissed at this. If you run a show? If you want to screw me around, even when I've paid you money for a table? Fine. But you don't, I repeat don't make your exhibitors look like idiots in front of the fans, and you sure as hell don't take your frustrations out on their guests. Guests who have been on every one of the last four shows' lists.

But the point of the column this week isn't to win arguments; it's to talk about getting better as a writer. You see, I still read things I wrote years ago and wish that I could be as good as I was then – But then sometimes I write something and realise that there's no way I could have written it as well early on in my career, so it's a case of swings and roundabouts. But the reason I mention this is because there seems to be a mentality out there among some people that you're only a proper writer when you hit that millionth word, that you're just treading water until that point. Well, that's bollocks, something told to kids who want to be writers. It's not the millionth word at all – I've seen stories that have been written by 'newbies' that kill half the established writers out there stone dead. Talent is talent.

But, to be a good writer you do have to start down that route to the millionth word. You might only be a hundred thousand down there before you realise you're as good as you'll ever get – you might keep getting better way after the millionth word has passed. But if you don't travel, you'll never get better. It's the story of the man from the tiny village who, when he decided that he wanted to be a wise man, set out to see the world, or at least the surrounding area. If he hadn't started down the world, he'd still have been a fine wise man as he'd have been told what he needed to know by the other elders, he'd have learned through oral tradition, or maybe from books, depending on where he is in the world – but only by walking out there will he experience the world. He has to go out and make the mistakes so that he can recognise them.


Dan's 'Steampunk Personages' sign from the table...
And it's the same with a writer. Unless you're written enough words that you can see the mistakes that you've written, how will you know to avoid them? You need to keep trying, writing, walking – because believe me, that first epic opus that you've written – it's not going to be great, unless you've been incredibly lucky, or you're some kind of Mozart-esque prodigy. And no offense, but in comics? That doesn't happen that much.

So write towards the millionth word, but don't expect there to be a massive angelic fanfare the moment you reach it. It doesn't happen that way. Sometimes you'll reach that point and be worse than when you started, bad habits picked up along the way. Sometimes you'll be better. Sometimes you'll be exactly the same as when you started.

But the most important thing of all is you, and you alone are the only barometer on where you currently stand, skill wise. Sure, trusted reviewers and opinions count towards your self-deduced opinion, but never believe what the critics say. Because if I had, I would have quit comics the day someone sent me shit in the post.

I didn't. And now the same people who hated my story tell me how much I've improved in the following ones, when I wrote those before the offending item in question... It's a crazy world, comics.

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© 2008, Tony Lee

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