Century... Part Three (Of Three).

By Tony Lee

God, this was a good idea at the beginning – but already in the last two weeks? I've done over ten thousand words – and I'm only two thirds of the way through...

And so we hit the last straight, the final hurdle, those last few yards as I answer questions 64 to 100. And yes, I know that some of you didn't get your questions in, mainly because there were a lot of duplicates, or questions that were covering the same topic – I mean, we had two separate people ask 'Daddy or Chips' for gods sake!

So, as the same as the last two weeks, here are the final thirty four questions, interspersed with some of my favourite photos of the last hundred columns... Let's start.

October 2008 – My table at the Birmingham Comic Show...

067. Which of your creations would you most like to see put on the big or little screen. Who would you want to play the characters from your choice? (James Henshaw)

I'd love to see them all, really. But there's a hope that Hope Falls will get somewhere as a movie. I'd love to see Midnight Kiss do it, but I don't think the story could adapt well to movies or television.

The two that I think will do the comic – movie transition without a problem will be both Journal and Dodge & Twist, and possibly Harker too, although as a part of the Dracula mythos I think that's a given.

As for who play the parts? I'd always seen Hope Falls cast with nobodies, but with Ian McShane as McClusky. However, he's a bit too old now, but I could see someone taking that aspect and using it.

As for Helen? Well, she'd need to be someone in her early twenties who's strong enough to hold a film together. That'd be a tough one. But as for Michael, I'd love to see someone like Kevin Costner play it. No, really. I actually think he's a good actor.

Back in the day, we (Dan and I) really wanted Bruce Campbell to play The Gloom – but obviously that never happened!

It's difficult to answer this because when I write this, I never see the actor – I see the character. I know people who go 'I totally see this character as [insert celebrity here] ' – but I just can't do that.

That said, we really want the movie version of Jonathan Harker to be Ralph Fiennes...

068. When you were little Tony at school, in shorts and a cap (for I assume you were) what did you want to be/do most in the world when you grew up? (Rich Gaunt)

I wanted to write children's books. I remember being at school and this local children's writer turned up and did a talk, and I was all 'wow I want to do that when I grow up! ' – I even wrote stories as a kid, convinced I could make it – I recall one called 'Mystery In The Castle' which was utter bobbins, really, but I always considered it a pipedream. And when I was about thirteen it'd moved to becoming either an actor or a computer programmer. Because I'd watched Superman III, you see and I now knew that computer programmers ruled the world.

Luckily when I was in sixth form, I couldn't get work experience in computers, so I got the next best thing – reviewing computer games for a magazine called 'Your Sinclair'. It got me started in writing and gave me a solid portfolio. And from that point onwards, I was a writer.

069. Would you ever consider posing nude, or nude with a waistcoat, to promote your work? (Amy Marie Taylor)

God no. I think I might sell more / promote my work more if I threatened to do it if I didn't get any promotion...

I have no fear of performing nude – I just don't think I should subject the world to it.

070. If you were a kitchen utensil which one would you be? I would be a tea spoon as I am classically British. (Marc Alden Taylor)

I think I'd be either an egg whisk beater things, you know the one with the twirly windy thing on the side that you spin – or one of those things you put eggs in to slice them up nice and small.

October 2008 – School talks about being a writer...

071. Favorite super-hero: Marvel, DC and Other? (Alulla Kefelegn)

Hmm. I have a few, actually. But my favourite two DC heroes are probably the Len Wein Blue Beetle (and yes, I cried like a baby when he died – for years I'd felt he was the most underused character and then, just as he started to get better...) – and Dick Grayson / Nightwing, although that was always because I grew up while he was Robin.

I was one of the few who liked the Bart Allen Flash, who liked Thunderstrike over Thor. I'm just wired that way, I suppose.

I also like the Punisher and Spider Man, Wolverine and Neil Gaiman's Sandman. But recently I've also been buying the omnibuses of James Robinson's Starman. Bloody hell, that's good stuff right there.

But my favourite? My favourite of all time hero? Nick Fury. I love Nick Fury. My first Marvel / EPIC pitch was Nick Fury. I've wanted to do something with him since I was a kid, and I'm loving the new series.

072. Who's the best editor you've worked with? (Remind me where to send the bribe again, eh? Lost the original email) (Lee 'Budgie' Barnett)

All of them. What, you expected a different answer?

Actually, I've had a lot of good editors who have really helped me along. Some are superstars. But I'd never single one out as I think it's unfair to the stellar work that so many others put in. I've been blessed to work with the best in the business, in my opinion. But I will give a special shout out to Teresa Focarile, the first editor I dealt with when I got back into comics. Thank you, Teresa, it's because of you I'm here.

073. If you could kill off any superhero who would it be, why and how would you do it? (Stuart Claw)

Joey Chapman's Union Jack. Don't get me wrong, I love Joey Chapman and would kill to have a chance to write him – and I'm looking forwards to seeing what Paul Cornell's about to do with him, but I grew up reading Union Jack as Lord Falsworth, and I'd like to see that legacy return there. I even had a pitch a while back, before Joey appeared in the short-lived Invaders revamp, which had Brian's daughter take on the mantle.

It never got anywhere, of course. And that's probably for the best, as Joey's finally started to shine, recently.

074. Why does the marriage of art and literature continue to be perceived as intrinsically juvenile? (Jon Browne)

Personally, I think it's because we start reading comics as kids. People class the classical novel as 'grown up' as many people need to be of a grown up level to both read and understand. Yet with comics, people seem to think that as they read The Beano as a kid, they obviously could read Watchmen without a problem. Which of course they can't, but they'd never admit this because, well, it's comics.

It's a problem that I think will never go away. I think Manga has helped in the Western world, with more people now carrying on into their late teens reading comics, but there will always be that crowd that goes 'comics? They're for babies. ' And there's nothing we can do about that, because even if we showed them it wasn't, we'd never convince them all.

075. In a grudge match between Zombie Jesus and Drunken Gallifrey revellers, who would win? (Natasha Von Snape)

Zombie Jesus. Because he's already dead, and can rise up anyway. So he'd keep killing until they were all dead.

Unless he found his 'water into wine' made him incredibly popular, and ended up joining in the fun.

October 2008 – Ben Templesmith meets my niece Sam...

076. Who are you writing that Doctor Who musical with? (Barnaby Edwards)

I told you – I'm not writing the Doctor Who musical. People far higher up the chain than I am are. Last I heard it was Andrew Lloyd Webber and Neil Gaiman, with Alan Moore on lyrics.

And before I continue, because I know how these things work...

076. Oh wow, is there going to be a Doctor Who musical? (A.N. Other)

No.

077. Do bears shit in the woods? And is the Pope a Catholic? (Tracy Farrow)

I believe that they do. Unless they're being killed by aliens to show Norse Chieftains that they're mates. (Don't understand this? Then you didn't read last week's, did you...)

As for the Pope? You know, I'm really not sure whether Pope Palpatine really is. He keeps making some very odd decisions.

078. Is there anyone you would like to apologise to but haven't. Or can't?

In comics? Not really. If I've pissed someone off, I've usually already apologised to. And if there's someone who I've pissed off who I haven't apologised to? Chances are I a) haven't realised or b) don't want to.

079. What was the first comic or graphic novel you read that made an impact on you? (Cerys Lewis)

Asterix. I loved Asterix. And there was one book, I can't remember the name where Asterix was framed by a bad guy and forced to leave the village, and at the end he comes back and fights the villain while there's a blazing fire all around, and I was utterly transfixed. Even today I remember that scene with a shiver down my spine.

080. I now you enjoy your trips to the States for cons and meetings, but if you were to make a trip over that wasn't New York or San Diego/LA, where would you like to visit? (Sean Dulaney)

I've heard a lot about Heroes Con in Charlotte, and I think I'd like to get to that one day. Actually, I'm going to be going somewhere that's not LA or New York later this year, which leads to...

081. When are you next doing a US Doctor Who convention! We can't wait until 2010! (Louise Simmonds)

I'm probably not supposed to tell you this yet, but it looks 99% likely that I'll be attending Hurricane Who as a special guest in Orlando, Florida, on the 30th Oct – 1^st November. More on this when it happens.

082. How do you work out your Doctor Who stories? ( Debbie Ellison)

With great difficulty. The problem with a good Doctor story is that most of them have been done. I mean, the show's been on (or on / off / on) for over forty five years now, there are countless books and boxes of audio plays, each with a different story. To find one that 'hasn't been done' is incredibly difficult. All you can do is write the best story you can and then hope that there's enough wiggle room if another story turns out to be similar.

I'm lucky to have several friends who are Who-experts of sort, and I can go 'has the Doctor ever done this?' and I'll get replies in the positive and negative. A couple of days ago I had a two hour conversation with Craig, my housemate and Who expert and came up with an idea I've never seen before – but has most likely been done elsewhere. It's the way that it goes.

October 2008 – Tony with Andre 'Bubbles from The Wire' Royo...

083. You've written scripts for radio and TV. Does that make it easier or harder to write scripts for comic books? (Alan Smithee)

This is a real question, but the poster didn't want their real name used.

There seems to be this myth that people who write for radio or television instantly find themselves able to write comics. This is what we call in the trade 'bollocks'. You see, just because you can write a screenplay, it doesn't mean that you know how a comic works. And this goes the same way, I know countless comic writers who think that they can write a screenplay in a second because it's 'just like comics'. It's not.

First off, television and radio aren't even like each other. Television is a visual media, and eight times out of ten will go for the 'splodo option of guns and cars and fast chases. If it's a slower pace tale, then we find it turning into long arty direction shots, moody theme music and well acted dialogue in a well directed scene. The West Wing, or The Wire are two very good examples of great dialogue in scenes that have not much else happening during them, but the viewer doesn't care. Mad Men tries to do this and succeeds in the main, but the show has the visual element too, the '60's' style of the buildings and clothes distract you, pull you into the show.

With radio, you don't have that. You're reliant on sound effects and script. But even then you can use this to your advantage. You have a listener who, unlike television where people are doing the ironing, cooking, talking etc, is probably intently listening to your story. So they take more out of the experience. They pick up small audio clues. They take the dialogue and process it in a different way. And as such, you can tell better stories on radio because unlike television, where you lead them along by the hand, in radio you let their own minds make the scene in their head. This way the most incredible scenes in the world can be built in radio just by emotions, dialogue and interesting effects. Look at what happened when Orson Welles did his War of the Worlds radio show!

And then you have comics. Again, a different structure. And the easiest way to explain this is to use an example I stole in part off JMS when he was explaining the differences in writing Babylon 5 and writing a comic, and that I use in my school talks.

Imagine the scene. James Bond walks down a hotel corridor. It's late, he's in his tuxedo. He's been to the casino. Probably kissed a girl, shot a bad guy, whatever. That's in the past. Right now? Simply walking. But he stops. He sees his door is slightly open. Now he knows it was locked, so he pulls his gun, creeps to the door and kicks it in, entering the room, gun out, scanning around the empty suite. He walks around the room and then sees the bathroom door – it's shut. He makes his way to the door –

- And we have one of those view changes. Now we're in the bathroom, looking at the door as he kicks it in, facing the camera, looking at the audience in sudden shock...

In a movie, that's about twenty seconds. How many pages of a comic book is that? One? Two? Five? Twenty? The answer of course is all of them. There is no correct answer. I can do it in under two. Some would do it in less, some in more. But the point is that to work the scene correctly in comics, you learn the beats, the snapshot moments of the story. So. Panel 1. Bond walks down the corridor. Panel 2. View of the half open door. Panel 3. Frowning, Bond pulls the gun. Panel 4. Bond kicks in the door. Panel 5. Bond scans around the room. End of page one I haven't put in the tense moments that a director could. I could have added Bond backing against the wall, preparing to go in. I could have added a panel where Bond locks and loads the gun. But I didn't because I feel personally that it doesn't need it. Also – it's twenty seconds of a film. If I use five pages, it's a quarter of a book wasted on nothing. Not even any dialogue.

At San Diego a couple of years back I asked an aspiring comic writer what he would do it in. He thought, counted on his fingers and said, straight faced – 'twelve pages'. Over half the comic on a twenty second scene.

So to learn to write comics, you need to learn comics. What works, what doesn't. And coming from Radio? All that did to help me was show me sentence structure in dialogue. It didn't show me the joys of a right page turn. My work in television? Taught me the power of a well placed scene. It didn't show me how that scene can be ruined with the wrong narrative.

So, coming from TV and radio – it makes it both easier and harder to write comics. You need to learn things, you need to un-learn others. But, I do seriously suggest to all comic writers, radio writers, TV writers – learn all the formats. Because they're all strings to your bow.

And on that note...

084. You've done the Doctor Who comic – would you ever consider writing for Big Finish? Or even the TV show? (John Matthews)

I'd love the opportunity to write for Big Finish. I've been a fan for years – it's one of the reasons I hero worship Gary Russell. But it's not a case of going 'Oh I think I'll write for radio today'. Big Finish has a ton of excellent radio writers and only a finite amount of placements for stories. To get into Big Finish I'd effectively need to be invited, and I can't see that happening in the near future, although I met Jason Haigh-Ellery at Gallifrey and he seemed to know who I was (I think someone told him, as I was too scared to properly talk to him) so who knows.

As for the TV show? Again, there are people way higher than me who should be on there first. Perhaps I'll have a shot when the Twelfth Doctor is on air. As it is though, I'm just really happy to be doing the Doctor Who comic. I'm writing my own corner of the Whoniverse and it's brilliant.

May 2006 – Tony and Dan prepare for the Eagle Awards...

085. Okay, Matt Smith is the 11th Doctor, so apart from him, if you were asked to write an episode titled "The Four Doctors" for Series Six of Doctor Who, which of the Doctors still alive would you prefer to write for? Granted, they'd have to agree to guest-star, and who wouldn't want to guest-star in an episode of Doctor Who. (Please include Christopher Eccleston and Paul McGann) (John Amadeus Knight)

To be honest, I'd probably like to do a 'post time war' episode that has eight, nine, ten and eleven in it. That said, I almost like the idea of a four, five, six and eleven story, where eleven, even though he's the oldest is treated like the child...

But it'd be the final four. I think with the show as it is now, these four would be the best choice.

Although I still think the Twelfth Doctor should be a returning Sylvester McCoy...

086. Who'd win in a fight between Wolverine and Batman? (Stacey Whittle)

The fans.

087. When you sit down to write a comic, do you already know what to write, or is it a blank space? (Peter Lee)

Usually, I'll have the whole scene blocked out in my head. I'm a bit odd like that, I actually send myself off to sleep by working out page layouts in my mind. Always have done. I think I've read so many comics that I've just got used to it. So I'll shut my eyes and work out the panels. Sometimes I'll have dialogue, but mainly it's the pacing.

Once I have that nailed, I'll then block it out. I'll often use an Excel sheet and put what happens on each page, just a line – but enough to show me if the page is working out. If not, I'll move things around. And when I'm happy with it, I'll script it out in Final Draft.

Because I've spent so much time on that scene (I'll be playing around with it in my head, visualising it for weeks sometimes) I'll be able to transcribe it directly to the page. So usually it's a blank page I face, but I already know what I'm going to fill it with.

088. You've said in other interviews when talking about our work area that you have inspiring books, or reference books around you. What are they? (Barry Davies)

Okay. In front of me I have The West Wing Script Book by Aaron Sorkin, Story by Robert McKee, the script book to the Sam Neill Merlin, Comic Book Lettering the Comicraft Way, Lessons From a Lifetime of Writing by Robert Morrell, probably one of the best books on writing out there followed by the other best one Stephen King on Writing, Touching The Void by Joe Simpson (signed), a 1^st edition of Andrew Lang's Book of Romance, Jack Bickham's The 38 Most Common Writing Mistakes – and How to Avoid Them, The Naked Artist by Bryan Talbot, Writers on Comic Scriptwriting books one and two and a HM Revenue Tax Guide. Beside me I have the massive Dictionary of Mythology, London Under London, Sir Thomas Mallory's Mort D'Arthur, and Simon Lovell's How to Cheat at Everything. Beside that I have a variety of books, the main ones being London Lore and The Lore of the Land, two books that talk about urban legends and stories.

I also have a bookshelf beside me, but that's the main ones.

089. At Christmas, you did a scenario for the Flintloque website Orcs In The Webbe, that spoofed characters like Indiana Jones and Zorro. I remember it being very funny. Will there be any more of these? (Roger Arkin)

Actually, I'm writing a start piece for a new scenario this weekend called the The Dwarven Sauerkraut Wars. It involves steam driven creatures of Dwarven death called Dwarleks...

For those who missed my starting prose for the scenario The League of Extra-Curricular, Not so Gentle Beings, go and have a look at this and let me know what you think.

090. What's the one thing that a writer should never do with an editor? (Lucy Rinder)

Outstay their welcome. If they want to hire you, they will. Your continual harassment won't make them suddenly change their mind.

That said, you still need to keep in contact with them, otherwise they might not have your name in the top of their head when they have a pitch they need written.

December 2008 – Tony and Dan – Two Drunk Guys In A Bar...

091. You've written for a variety of UK and US publishers including Rebellion, Marvel, Image and IDW. Who's next? Who would you love to work for that you haven't already? (Mark Young)

Well the obvious one is the holy trinity of DC/Vertigo/Wildstorm. I grew up reading DC comics, love Vertigo and have a serious love of the mainstream.

Apart from them? I'd love to have a shot on some licenses with Dynamite. They're bringing out some of the best licensed books out there at the moment and Nick Barrucci is one of the coolest guys in comics. Other than that probably Dark Horse, maybe Radical, although I'd love a shot on Farscape for BOOM! - and I'd love to write something for Oni Press. Anything. Even a lunch order. I love Oni's stuff.

092. With the benefit of hindsight, which of your 99 previous columns are you most proud of writing? (Rich Gaunt)

Actually, it was one I didn't really write – I did a two part column on pitching, asking a variety of industry professionals their opinions and suggestions on how they pitched. It was one of the most educating things I've ever done.

Apart from that, the one where I talk about how awesomeI am for most of the column, just because I could.

093. As you answer this question – What did you work on yesterday? What are you working on today? What will you be working on tomorrow? (Dave Pearce)

Yesterday – I wrote eight pages of Harker, I wrote two thousand words of Conversations with my Mother, I watched five episodes of a TV show for reference. I spoke to several editors.

Today – I'm writing this column, refining a pitch called Patriot, writing some script to Journal, starting Doctor Who #2 and #4 simultaneously.

Tomorrow – I'm writing two thousand words of Conversations With My Mother, scripting some Doctor Who and then travelling to London for a couple of meetings, and to see my Literary Agent before the weekend.

094. Will you ever kiss Warren Ellis on the mouth! I'd love to see that! (Valerie D'Orazio)

I've wanted to kiss Warren Ellis on the mouth for years. But I think his fembot assistants would kill me first.

Seriously though, no. That said, Warren is (in the couple of times I've met him) a damn fine man to go for a drink with and someone I'd be happy for you to fantasize about me kissing.

Now go get therapy, woman.

February 2009 – Ian Holt, Tony, Alex Gallant, Dacre Stoker, Ken Atchity, NYC...

095. Are you a good cook? What's the one dish that you would say is your specialty dish? (Mary Lewys)

No. I'm very much a Microwave man. I love those easy to make things. But then I live alone in a shared house, so when I move in with Tracy down the line, I'm sure that suddenly I shall become a culinary genius in the same way that all men become DIY experts when they become fathers.

That said, I do have a speciality dish, passed down to me by my father, Goldenrod Eggs – a traditional Irish dish involving toasted bread, cheese, sliced eggs and a white sauce. It's beautiful.

096. If you had to become a female superhero and date a male superhero, who would you turn into, and who would you "date"? (Jordan White)

I would become Barbara Gordon and date Dick Grayson again as the completist in me says IT MUST CONTINUE. One of the things I always hated was the cock tease where Dick proposed to Barbara and it's all happy and then the next month, 'one year later' it's all screwed up.

Otherwise, I'd pick someone like Susan Storm and make her date Lobo just for shits and giggles. Could you imagine THAT odd couple?

097. Which would you rather lick: A cat or a dog? (Laurie Sage)

Why do I have to choose? Why can't I lick both? Don't be species-ist!

098. what five things do you think every aspiring writer should read/watch/listen to? (Eric Palicki)

Hmm. Five things? Well, there's way more than five things. But here are five of the many things I would suggest.

1. Watch the West Wing. Watch The Wire. Watch intelligent TV shows that have good dialogue. It leaches you a lot. And also you learn about overlaying arcs to individual episodes.


2. Read Stephen King on Writing. He's incredibly candid about his own life, and he gives great instruction on being a writer.


3. Read anything by Alan Moore, especially his Future Shocks. He made that format, the five page story with a beginning, middle and end with a twist if not two inside, his bitch. If you want to be a good writer? Learn the short form five page story. It's easier to learn the 5 page contained story and move up to 22 pages than it is to do it the other way.


4. Listen to the people around you. On the bus, in the shops, at the Pizza Hut you're sitting in. Listen to their speech patterns. Listen to the way they interact with people. It helps you find more individual voices.


5. Listen to the advice that any editor gives you. Seriously. They're editors for a reason. They know what the hell they're talking about and if they tell you that you're too decompressed? Then you are too decompressed. Stop bitching about it and follow what they say.

February 2009 – NYCC – Neil Kleid, Tony, Rantz Hoseley, Ben Templesmith...

099. Paragraph plans or go with the flow? (Steph Ryan)

Both. I hate knowing what the story turns into as when I go 'the story goes from A to B to C to D' you can pretty much guarantee that between B and C weird shit happens and the story tangents off. And if you've already nailed down what it should be doing, you can't let it be as free as it wants.

That said, there's a lot to be said for nailing down the whole thing – because then you can place things in, foreshadow nicely. I never used to like this, but recently I've really liked being able to look ahead and go 'this is what happens here, and then this happens...' Doctor Who has been blocked out for the next eighteen issues. I might go 'wow! I could do this story!' but it'd have to wait until issue #19 now, and to be honest, I'd be impressed if it still ran then with me on it, with the way that comics work these days. But because I've done this, I have so much freedom to work on the overall arc, I get to throw Easter eggs into issue #1 that catch you in #17, I get to put mentions of a character in #3 and have them appear in #10 – I don't do these, but you get the idea.

However, Midnight Kiss wasn't planned at all. I didn't even have a pitch that explained where I was going with it, and I think it came out quite well. So work how you want to work. Douglas Adams once said that he hated planning out books, as he wanted to learn what happened when he wrote the words, but then he wrote himself into so many massive holes during Hitchhiker's Guide, that he had to find the most Improbable answer to get out of it.

And so, the 100^th question...

100. Christ it's a lame question, don't wait for it. Just wanted to know if you would ever consider doing a Torchwood comic. (Jessica Montague)

I would kill to write a Torchwood comic, and if anyone ever got the rights in the US, I'd be camping on their door to do it, directly after Dan Abnett and Ian Edginton.

I love Torchwood and I have so many ideas for stories. But that's the best kind of franchise – the ones where the stories just flow. But until that day? I'm happy to sit here writing about Time Lords...

One hundred questions. Fifteen thousand words or so in total.

Right then. I'm done. Back to normal next week, I think.

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© 2008, Tony Lee

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