Century... Part One (of Three)

By Tony Lee

One hundred columns. Wow. No, I can't believe it either.

That's not a hundred columns here, by the way – that's a hundred columns since I started writing columns. That's the ones I've written under 'He's Only A Writer', the 'Two Drunk Guys In A Bar' ones that I wrote with Dan Boultwood, the monthly 'It's Only A Comic' I did for Comics International a couple of years ago, and the original 'It's Only A Comic' I started for www.silverbulletcomics.com, the 'other' Silver Bullet Comics site - which now seems to be dead. When I counted through them a little while back, I realised I had eighty columns. And when I added recent ones to the count last week, I realised I'd hit the ninety nine mark.

So. One hundred. Sounds like an 'event' column is needed. What should I do? Well, what I decided to do was answer some questions. A hundred of them, to be precise. I put the word out on my Twitter, my Livejournal and my Facebook among others. I asked for comments. I asked for emails. And the best hundred questions? I'd answer them.

I expected some silly ones. I expected some odd ones. What I didn't expect was a mass of vaguely sensible ones. I was most impressed with my loyal supporters. I might not even kill them when the robot revolution comes.

But then I had the problem – because by the time I reached question twenty five, I had written over four thousand words. And the average column only runs to two thousand usually. So I decided to split them up over the next three weeks. Thirty three questions a week, I end the century with questions and then move into the next century with questions. Twice.

So below are the first third of my century, with names. Some people have asked multiple questions over the weeks, and if I've liked them I've added them. Some people are known only by screen names, and some are totally anonymous. But I shall answer a hundred of the best.

And photo wise? I shall spread a variety of my favourite column photos of the last few years or so. Right then. Let's get on with it...

May 2007 – Tony & Dan write the column...
001. Bar's fully stocked. Whaddya fancy? (Jamie Roberts)

This is a difficult one, really – as I don't usually have a drink 'of choice', I'll happily drink a nice Whisky and American, lager, bitter, cider – I'm quite partial to Guinness, I'll happily drink most alcopoppy things like Smirnoff Ice, etc – the one thing I'm not a massive fan of is wine. Especially red wine. I don't know why, I just seem to dislike it. I think it probably stems from when I was a child and we always had dry, white wines with the Sunday roast.

That said, I do like a nice Rose. I have no idea why. So, the bar's fully stocked? I'll have a snowball, please.

002. You have created a specific look and personality for "Tony Lee" as a public/internet persona. What are the advantages and disadvantages of that, and do you regret it? (Lee 'Budgie' Barnett)

Yeah. The 'branding' can be a bit of a pain, actually. There have been days when all I've wanted to do is kick back in a T Shirt, but I made my bed. And for very good reasons.

If you look at early pictures of me (early comic cons that is, not baby shots) you'll see me in T-Shirts, simple collared shirts, combinations of the two – whatever. I had no 'look', no branding so to speak. I was one of many creators who were out there. One San Diego I was even wandering around in a T Shirt and one of those wicker Cowboy hats that you can buy out there.

The problem was as I started to get better known, was that I felt I owed it to the fans to actually make more of an effort. I might write my stories in a dressing gown and pants (a lie actually – I find I can't write unless I'm showered and dressed, but you get the point), I felt that that I should at least look the part for conventions, have a 'uniform' of sorts. My own supercostume.

My best friend in comics is Dan Boultwood, and anyone who knows him also knows that he dresses like he's permanently locked in the '40s – three piece tweed suits and sometimes cravats, I found myself looking underdressed next to him, and so in 2006 started to wear the jeans / shirt / tie / vest combination that I'm now known for.

It's not a unique look by a long shot, and I've worn variations over the years in my 'real' life. I don't have a problem wearing a tie, I feel that it looks professional and tidy and more than anything, it's recognisable. I've had editors at conventions mention that they knew I was somewhere because they 'saw the vest'. It's as much a calling card as my, well, calling card. And I'm happy to continue with it. Even if it fills half my suitcase with shirts, vests and ties. Although that said, I do enjoy the post-con evening when I turn up in a T-Shirt to the bar, to the shocked looks of people who have never seen me in anything but...

As for the internet persona, I've talked about this before. In this day and age, the internet is the best marketing tool for someone, and people like Warren Ellis have made it their bitch, Warren being known by many as 'internet Jesus'. But there's only so many ways you can play it. You can't be shy or self depreciating on the internet, as it just slips through the cracks and you're not noticed, you have to be big, brash and bold. And this will always garner attention from critics who claim you're nothing but an arrogant prick. But if my 'glorious golden god' tongue in cheek persona pisses off one reader yet sells ten copies of my book? Then I'll do it. Because the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one. And that one, if he can't take a joke? Wasn't going to be my friend anyway.

My Internet and public personas are nothing but masks anyway – and both have evolved over the years. Have I made mistakes? Hell yes. And I've altered things rapidly on several occasions. But people seem to like this 'Tony Lee' so far, so we'll see how that goes. Which of course leads to...

003. How many waistcoats do you own? (I'm hoping this is an impressively large number.) (Stacey Frost)

Not that great, I'm afraid. Only about fourteen.

004. You've put words in the mouths of Spider-Man and The Doctor (among many others). When you're typing in those words, deciding the speech and actions of these childhood icons, characters beloved by so many... how wild is your inner child going and what types of medication do you need to force-feed him in order to think straight? (Jordan White)

There is a blog out there that I wrote in 2006, when I started writing Doctor Who: F.A.Q for The Doctor Who Magazine – and it pretty much read how awesome it was to me to write the word 'Time Lord' in a script. And you were my Spider Man editor, Jordan – you know how psyched I was to be writing that story.

But there's a lot of pressure as well when writing a hero. I recall sucking terribly when I first wrote the Tenth Doctor – because I was too scared to let rip. I tried to play safe and he came across as a kind of Hartnell-esque clone. And with Spidey, you find yourself remembering all the lines you read as a child and going 'does this rate with those? No? Then why the hell are you writing it? '

But my inner child is dancing with joy every time I write something from my youth. Doctor Who: The Forgotten was even worse because I was able to write all of the Doctors that I grew up with. And I actually found myself giggling at points, wishing somehow that I could go back in time and tell my younger self exactly what I'd be doing down the line...

As for medication? I feed him back issues. Great and wonderful back issues. When he reads them and then sees what I'm writing? He shuts up. That might however be a bad thing...

June 2007 – Dan, Mark Millar and me, London...
005. You've written each of the ten Doctors, which one of them do you relate to the most and why? (Chris McQuaid)

Hmm. I have a problem here as I grew up with several Doctors. Tom Baker was 'my' Doctor, the first I remember, but Peter Davison was the Doctor during my formative teenage years. But that said, I really enjoy the later things and, as I grew older I found myself loving the earlier episodes.

I think if we're talking 'relating to', I'd have to go with the Third Doctor, John Pertwee. Especially his UNIT years. I couldn't tell you why this is – only that for some reason I find myself agreeing with every decision he made.

I think it's an age thing now as well. After all, I'm older than Tennant, and a damn sight older than Matt Smith's Doctor...

006. Hi Tony, just one question: cake or pie? (Martin Charlton)

Depends on the mood. I like cake, but sometimes the savouriness of a pie just hits that spot, you know? I do like a nice chicken and mushroom one. But then I also love a nice carrot cake with a lemon icing.

Damn, I have to go down the shop now.

007. Why is the sky? (Al Ewing)

Because kittens need to fly.

008. When writing dialogue, how easy or difficult do you find it to make each character read differently, to give each character a distinct "voice"? (Anthony Lee)

It's incredibly difficult, and anyone who says differently is lying or is actually unaware that all their voices sound the same. I'm aware that sometimes mine can start to overlap, but sometimes the simplest changes can totally alter a character's speech pattern.

I learned my own particular way of dialoguing by listening (and I still do this) to audio books. Because here you can listen to an accomplished voice actor take these lines of dialogue and each character becomes alive. I'm listening to Stephen King's The Long Walk at the moment, a book that's sixty percent dialogue, and not once do characters merge.

Easiest way? Read the lines aloud. Act them out as if it's a script. Because in a way? It is. And if you can tell the differences while reading aloud? Then chances are that a reader will see them too.

And on the subject of voices, this isn't a voice in my head, this was asked by an actual OTHER person called Anthony Lee...

009. Out of all the stories and work you've written, what are you proudest of? (Tracy Farrow)

That's not one that can be answered easily, as I'm proud of a lot of things. I'm proud that Doctor Who: The Forgotten didn't collapse into a pile of fanwank (although there are people out there who think it did) and I'm proud of "Stalag #666", even though most of the diehard 2000 A.D. internet hated it.

But the proudest thing is probably something that hasn't come out yet – Dodge & Twist, which will come out one day from AiT / PlanetLar. It's Oliver Twist, twelve years on and I've managed to take every thread from Dickens masterpiece and weave them back into what I think is a solid story. And when it comes out, it'll be golden.

But that said, if you asked me again in a year, I'd have several other things that I think I'd say instead, because with things like Harker, Conversations With My Mother, etc – I think I'm finally hitting my stride.

010. Are there any influences of whom you would say, "without them I wouldn't be here now". Who are they? How would you most like to thank them? (Jo Ashbeth Coffey)

There are many people I need to thank, and may know it. There are people who's work got me into comics, kept me in comics, there are people who talked to me when I first set out, people like David Wohl and Geoff Johns, Pat Mills and Mark Waid who answered my endless questions, people like Andy Diggle who took my utterly terrible first stories for Epic and, as a favour explained why they were so terribly bad, editors like Chris Ryall who believed in me enough to keep me in mind for upcoming things, and writers who inspired me to be the writer that I am now, people like Neil Gaiman, Gary Russell (yes Gary, I'm not kidding) and Keith Giffen among many, many others.

I've been blessed to work and spend time with so many of my fanboy heroes, and every single one of them has helped me in a whole variety of ways. And many know, and have been thanked. But to those I haven't thanked before? Because of you I'm doing this as a living. Thank you. Seriously.

011. Explain to me, in four sentences or less, why Doctor Who is as phenomenal as "you lot" say it is. Because I don't get it. (Marc Bernardin)

You can't be told how awesome it is, Marc. You have to see. So take a day off during San Diego – Josh Fialkov and I will strap you to a hotel room chair and make you watch a day's worth of episodes...

012. Ignoring the ethics, if you found yourself in a position where you could remove an existing successful writer off a successful title and replace him or her with yourself who's the writer and what title would it be, and why? (Steve Tanner)

Up to last month, it would have been Nightwing, as I have an unnatural love for Dick Grayson and have read everything he's in. No, I have no idea why – he's just (in my mind) one of the best legacy characters of all time – because he's Batman lite. It'd probably be during the Chuck Dixon era – not because I didn't like his work, but because that was the time I enjoyed the comic the most.

But currently? Probably Hellblazer. I love Peter Milligan, but I also have a dark and secret urge to write John Constantine.

But to be honest, most of the characters I want to write aren't in their own series. There are several characters that I want to write – but I won't say here who they are...

June 2007 – Dan takes inspiration as he writes the column...
013. What are your strongest influences from the comic world? (Darren Pearce)

I have the 'fanboy love' style of Geoff Johns (and to an extent Mike Carey) and I've grown up with Neil Gaiman and Grant Morrison's work. That said, I've never tried to 'ape' someone's style, I've tried to make my own and by doing this I've taken from a variety of mainstream writers. I'd like to say for example that when doing action it's Garth Ennis, but I couldn't say for sure if that was true. I take a lot of influences. And promptly ignore them.

014. Why, Tony? For God's sake, WHY?! (David Hine)

Because it makes you cry, David. And for that I would bathe in your salty tears.

015. Do you have any writing regrets? (Stacey Whittle)

That I didn't stick with it when I first tried, when I was twenty. When I think where I could be now, having had those extra thirteen years – but then again, it could be the scene from The Wrestler. I could have burned out at twenty five.

I'm happy with most of my decisions – I think my biggest regret was that I was never able to do the Sage miniseries that at one point was being planned after X-Men Unlimited #1. We had a six parter that I was working on, building up – I even scripted a first issue – but then various reasons stopped it happening. I have my suspicions, but I'll never know what happened.

016. Boxers or briefs? (Marc Fletcher)

Boxers. I like to blow free in the wind.

017. In your experience, what has been the most successful way to pitch an editor on a project? (Chris Ryall)

I am, by far, the worst person in the world to speak to about pitching. I'm terrible at it. But the one thing I have learned over the years about pitching to an editor is to remember that they're a human being too. They have their own issues, and the last thing that they need is some bloody writer hassling them for no apparent reason other than to line their own pockets.

Because that's the main thing, really. We all write comics for the money. Sure, it's nice to see the story out there, but if you're saying you do it purely for that? Then you get your money in from other areas.

So in my mind, the most successful pitches I've had are after I've built a rapport up with that editor. For those not in the know, Chris here is the EiC of IDW, and I've been hassling him since 2005 to hire me. I would email him regularly, we would chat, we met at conventions and had drinks, and at all points, once more I was a consummate professional (I think) and respected his position. And, when an opportunity came up to pitch for Doctor Who, I had the chance. And when I didn't get it, I politely thanked Chris for the opportunity. A few months later I had another chance and I was considered once more. To this day I think that if I'd thrown a tantrum when I was passed over for Gary Russell (who I would have picked, personally) I wouldn't have had that second shot.

So the most successful way to pitch an editor? Don't pitch him / her. Get to know him /her first, see what they're actually looking for. In conversations you might even find you've sold your story without even trying.

018. Where do you see yourself in five years? (Pia Guerra)

I have no earthly idea. Because five years ago, I never saw myself here.

I'd like to still be writing comics, still writing full time, still writing licenses that I love. I'd like to have a couple of novels out; maybe a film of a comic of mine might be being made.

Do I want to be rich? Not really. Comfortable, yes. But I don't need the money. I have a fear about winning the lottery – would I still write without the financial need? I think I would. But I am also lazy by default. So we'll see. It'd be a nice dilemma to have, actually.

Five years from now? I'd like to be doing more of the same. In a shared studio perhaps. And still travelling the world, going to conventions. I'd like to be doing some TV again, too. Maybe not Doctor Who, but something of my own.

019. Do you ever do a headdesk at some of the things other writers from characters/series you've worked on come up with? (I ask, because I've seen some of the animated Wolverine and the X-Men. And read the plot synopsis. And had a cry) (Sammy Yuitsu)

Yes. But I can't say what. It's usually followed by 'how the hell do they get work doing [character X] when I don't!!! ' and then rolling into a foetal ball.

August 2005 - My 'breakfast' one day at San Diego Comic Con..."
020. Cake or death? (Tracy Farrow)

Death. No, cake.

021. Do you prefer Draconians or Drashigs? (Barnaby Edwards)

All Drashigs do is hunt, eat and scream. At least you can go see a movie with a Draconian.

022. Do comics as a creative medium allow you to say everything you want to say as a writer? Or are there still things you want say that have to be said in other mediums, like a film or a novel? (Jaspre Bark)
Yes and no. I think that done right, comics can tell all stories, but then again you sometimes can't get away with the first person narrative that you can in a novel. Conversations With My Mother was like that. I tried it as a Graphic Novel (with Kevin Colden on art) but it just didn't seem right, it didn't read true, it read cold. And so I'm writing it as a novel, first person narrative because that way I can work the entire thought process of the main character in, and it's a book that needs that.

I think anything that happens in a film can be done in a comic, and I think that Watchmen showed that not everything done in a comic can be done in a film...

023. How dare you? (Neil Kleid)

I dare, sir, just to cause you strife.

024. Who's the most under-rated artist working in comics today? (Lee Barnett)

Dan Boultwood. Hands down. We've worked on / are working on The Gloom, "Prince Of Baghdad", Hope Falls, Doppleganger Chronicles, Shotgun Samurai, FaerieTale – every piece of work he does just looks better and better. And with several things in the 'crossed fingers' area of that comics / movies split, 2009 might be the year that he finally gets recognised. In May alone he's got Hope Falls coming out as a trade, and a backup story in Phonogram: The Singles Club.

And there's 2009 news about The Gloom, "Prince Of Baghdad" and Shotgun Samurai to come soon.

025. Do you have a bear? (Becki Floyd)

No. But thanks for asking.

026. Which character have you least enjoyed, or struggled to write?? (Philip Davis)

I did an adaptation in 2005 of Brothers – The Fall Of Lucifer by a US writer called Wendy Alec. She's one of the owners of God.TV so you'll get an idea of what the book was like.

Wendy had her own idea of how the adaptation should go even though she'd confessed that she didn't know comics. And the adaptations were a mess. I enjoy adapting books, but this one was a logistical nightmare with long rambly passages that weren't needed in the comic, yet still had to be in there as they were mentioned later. I hated it. Which was a shame because the actual idea she had was surprisingly good and a take I hadn't seen before.

It got cancelled as I finished issue #5's script. I've never been so happy over a cancellation in my life.

027. If you are travelling in a Ford Cortina at the speed of light, and you turn the headlights on - what happens..? (Anthony Farrow)

You make Einstein cry.

But, to answer, it can be taken that light always goes at the same speed no matter how fast you go. Events that are simultaneous in one reference frame will happen at different times in another that has a velocity relative to the first. Space and time cannot be taken as absolute. Today everyone knows, of course, that all attempts to clarify this paradox satisfactorily were condemned to failure as long as the axiom of the absolute character of time, viz., of a simultaneous, unrecognizedly was anchored in the unconscious. Clearly to recognize this axiom and its arbitrary character really implies already the solution to the problem.

February 2008 – With Mark Corden, while filming my first short screenplay, The Shoot..."
028. If Matt Sable and Nightmare De'Lacy had a fight, who would win? (Stacey Frost)

For those of you that don't know, Matt and Nightmare are two characters from my book Midnight Kiss. And to be honest, it'd be a tough fight. Matthew is a stronger character, but Nightmare is a succubus, and can take a lot more damage, as shown in the story. So I think what would happen is that ultimately they would fight until Matt got too tired to continue, at which point Nightmare would kill him. Or screw him. Let's be honest here, we both know they've been doing that for a while.

029. Apple Mac or PC? (Corinne Sutterby)

PC all the way, baby. I know people who have moved across to the Mac, and they're all spangly and lovely and wonderful, but I just can't get my head around them.

I've worked a lot in newspapers and marketing over the years and of course they all use Macs, but I simply don't find them user friendly. But that could be because I've been using a PC every day of my life pretty much since the late 80's.

Down the line? Who knows. But it's unlikely I'll change.

030. Why the column? I know I use mine to vent. you? (Keith Giffen)

In the beginning, it was purely to get my name out there. I wanted people to know me, to discover my stories by coming across the column, reading it and then going 'wow! I must learn more about this fellow! ' – but of course that doesn't happen that way. What actually happened is that I found myself with a soapbox.

I come from London, and in Hyde Park we have a thing called 'speakers corner' where anyone can stand on a chair, soapbox, ladder, whatever – and speak about anything as long as it's not against the Queen. People would go there just to bitch about the state of the country, some would talk about television, just speaking out to the world on the off chance that someone passing might hear, pause and then listen more intently.

I vent a little in the column, but I also find myself going through some kind of cathartic therapy. I often finish a column feeling reborn, and there's nothing better than getting encouragement from someone, a fan, a peer, an idol even giving a simple 'Amen' to me, showing that although I speak bollocks most of the time, occasionally I get it right.

I don't know how many people read this column. If we go on people who reply to me when I say 'reply to me'? It's about four. But then I see editors and reviewers and journalists and they all go 'love the column' – and because of this I continue.

There have been points that I've almost hung up the spurs, but I've always said that I will stop when I run out of things to say. And currently? I haven't done that yet.

031. What was your favorite toy as a child? (Mary Lewys)

I had an Action Man toy that I played with endlessly. I had some others too, a Steve Austin figure and a blonde doll – my dark haired Action Man (in Space Ranger costume) was sometimes Buck Rogers, flying around space. Sometimes he was the Next Doctor, with his companions. And sometimes he was NOMAD, a superhero I created before I even knew there was one called, well, NOMAD.

I lost him one year. I forget when. But I never forget sitting at the top of the stairs, playing with them, almost at eye level.

032. Where do you get your inspiration from for your stories? (Leena Patel)

There's a website that all comic writers get a link and passcode to when they get their first published gig. It's run by Warren Ellis and Neil Gaiman. Each day there are ten new story ideas that go up, and you click on the one you want. Once it's taken, you can't click on it any more. When all ten are gone, you come back the following day.

Sometimes computer / internet glitches mean that two, maybe even three people click on the same link at the exact same moment and all get the right to use it. This is how sometimes stories that are almost identical come out at the same time.

Honest.

033. As a writer what are you ambitions and goals for your career? (James Henshaw)

To start with, it was always to make my mother proud of me. She passed away a few years ago now, but I hope she was, in the end. As for goals now? I want to make a successful career in writing comics. I love the genre and I know I'm good enough to make that living in it. I'd like to release a novel or two. I'd like to be respected in my genre. I'd like to write some television, get back into writing for radio.

But more than anything, I'd like to consistently write things that readers enjoy, things that actively stimulate discussions. That would be nice.

Questions 34 – 66 next week, guys. Including questions like 'What is best in life? ', 'Daddy or chips? ', 'Have you ever given one of your fans rohypnol?' and 'Are there any situations which CANNOT be fixed by killing a bear? '...

February 2008 – Writing the column while skiing in Italy..."

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Just a quick couple of things. Firstly, as ever, another appeal to go to your local comic store and order the Hope Falls collected edition, MAR094036: HOPE FALLS TP. This is the order code that Diamond gets, so they will see what we get ordered from them. In May, the orders that Diamond get will be filled and sent to those stores. It comes out in May.

Secondly – yes, The DFC has closed its doors, but currently still looks for a buyer. So until that point in time, I shall reserve my judgement and words – all I ask is that everyone take some time to think positive thoughts to the poor full-timers of The DFC who got made redundant this week. And I'll talk more about this and the future of the titles inside sometime in April.

Finally, if you're in London on the 21^st of March, there's a massive 2000 A.D. event at London's Forbidden Planet Megastore to celebrate the paperback edition of THRILL-POWER OVERLOAD. And as you can see below, I'm there as well.

2000FP - Thrill Power Overload!

Saturday 21 March, 2009 • 1:00PM - 2:30PM
Forbidden Planet London Megastore, 179 Shaftesbury Avenue, London, WC2H 8JR

To promote the release of THRILL-POWER OVERLOAD we've gathered together writers and artists from a host of 2000AD titles – together with Matt Smith, the magazine's editor, they will be available to sign, sketch and chat! On Saturday 21st March we'll have the absolute best in British comics in store: Dan Abnett • David Bishop • Simon Davis • Rufus Dayglo • Al Ewing • Brett Ewins • Henry Flint • Frazer Irving • Robbie Morrison • Tony Lee • Matt Smith • Simon Spurrier

This is 2000FP, the second of our free-form signings – no tables, no queues. With an array of fantastic Rebellion Publishing titles on hand, this event blows away the barriers and gives readers and fans a change to really find out what goes on in 2000AD!

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Until next time, kiddies. Keep sending me questions. I might change some out if yours are good enough.

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Discuss this column at the Only A Forum forum.
© 2008, Tony Lee

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