Back To Skool…

By Tony Lee

Hi everyone, the column I wrote on Friday starts in a second but I just wanted to add this late edit onto the top. I write this on Sunday in a state of shock and exultation as last night I asked, on bended knee my best friend, partner in crime and mused inspiration Tracy Farrow whether she would be my wife. She agreed, and we are now engaged.

I just wanted to share this with you all. Now back to the scheduled programming!

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So yesterday I went to school. That is to say that I went back to school. Not as a student, far from those days am I, but as a special guest speaker.

It was Regie Rigby of this website's wonderful Fool Britannia that started this. He happens to be a teacher at this particular school in his secret identity, and they were doing a week about comics, graphic novels, that sort of thing – and he thought it'd be a nice idea to invite me up to do a couple of talks to the kiddiewinkies.

Well, I've done a lot of talks and lectures in the past, but on this sort of thing I've only done one or two, primarily back in May when The DFC launched and I spoke at my old school... But I've got enough experience to do such a talk and so I agreed to come up and speak to the kiddies. And the talk itself? Was yesterday. Which is yesterday to me as I write this. Not yesterday to you as you read this – I mean, what happens if you read this two days after someone else? That means I'll have been here on two days!

Regie, Tony, Lynne...

So yesterday to me, that is Thursday the 9^th to you, I got up at 5:30 a.m. and, after a very quick breakfast, I got in my car and drove to Doncaster, which is about three hours away. I knew that it was going to be a long day, but I was enthusiastic and optimistic, if a little tired still.

At around 9 a.m., I got to the school in question and was met by Lynne Coppendale, who was the lovely lady who not only organised this, but who also had my lovely cheque for turning up in the first place. She explained to me the format – three sessions of talks/Q and A, with a lunch in between sessions two and three. Average audience was going to be about fifty strong, and ages got older throughout the day. Which seemed fine. And so I waited for the children to arrive.

The first session was the 'year sevens' which made them about eleven or so. And I clambered onto a table so that they could all see me, and I started to talk. I spoke about what I was like as a writer when I was their age, why I moved into comics, I talked about what it was like to be a comic writer, I talked about movies and how writers weren't as famous as movie stars – I did the whole kit and caboodle. And I even told a few jokes and funny stories.

But I was a little unnerved because a large chunk of the kids? Just stared vacantly at me, glassy eyed and almost drooling.

Great, I thought. I've melted their brains.

Now this actually put me off my stride at some points, after all, I'm good with kids and these kids looked like they quite frankly couldn't give a shit, and the questions and answers session only just started to gain some animation before the bell went. I was mildly devastated. Had I been that boring? I remembered when I had been around their age and the school had brought in a children's book writer to talk to us. I remember this because this was the man that inspired me. Had I inspired any of them? Had they even been awake?

But at the end many of them came over to me and asked for my autograph. Their local book distributor had managed to get hold of some comics and trades, and these were being sold for me to sign, but several of the kids didn't have the money and so resorted to ways to get my signature for free.

'Will you sign my arm? ' One kid asked. I raised my eyebrows, looked to the teacher who sighed and nodded and so sign an arm I did. And then suddenly I was signing everyone's arm. I even signed one girl's forehead after she begged her teacher to allow me to. And the one little brain surgeon of a boy came up with his report book and asked me to sign a sheet from that instead. Oh yes, you could see the lightbulbs hit the other kids. We could get paper and ask him to sign that. It was like the scene from 2001 with the monkeys. And then I was signing all over again, this time on paper.

'Well that went well.' Regie chortled as he dragged my dejected carcass to the staff room to have a break. I stared at him in amazement.

'They were comatose.' I replied. He shook his head and explained that the way they looked at me? Was actually how they acted when they were interested. No word of lie.

'You're doing great.' He finished. 'You know you're doing well if they don't stab you. '

And so to the second lesson, once more split across two smaller ones, with two classes in front of me. This time they were 'year eight' and 'year nine', and so therefore a little bit older and mature. But I also knew that one of the classes was only there for the first half, so I had to get the talk done far quicker than the previous time. And so once more I started, talked about my life and finished just as the bell sounded. The first class left and the teachers promised that I'd answer some questions and answers. One of the teachers, a closet 2000 A.D. fan, had even put her hand up to ask questions. The teachers were as interested as the kids.

But then – problems. As class one left and class two were ready to start the Q and A, another class arrived. These guys hadn't seen the talk, had arrived in time for some questions and had no idea who I was, it was almost as if their teacher had seen all these kids going into the library and gone 'screw that, I want a taste of this pie.' And so my Q and A turned into a Q and A that also went back over things from my talk. I had the usual questions, was I related to Stan Lee, how much did I make, what was my favourite superhero, all those – but at least this time I was able to keep the stage, and I think at the end? They enjoyed it.

And then it was lunch, but no break for me, for as a treat, the book review group got to have lunch with me – which was a crappy treat for them, really – but I chatted about stories they were writing and hopefully gave some good advice. Or I just came off a twat. One of the two.

Some of the kids from the second talk were inspired to write small stories for me and one boy who I affectionately called 'freakishly tall child' as he was taller than me at around twelve, kept giving me stories about cheese. He seemed very proud when I read them aloud. I liked these until he wrote one about Regie beating my army of zombie robots up. My army of zombie robots stands down to no man, freakishly tall child.

The 2000 A.D fan and another teacher came over for me to sign things at lunchtime too, they were both gushing over how great 2000 A.D was, and I think that they 'came out of the closet' as comic geeks that day, which was good.

And then with lunch over? I started the third and last one of the day, this time it was the year tens and above with several from the sixth form in the audience. This was the better of the talks because by then the teachers were relaxed, I was able to get away with a lot more and the audience, made up of older kids and the ones (including freakishly tall child once more) who'd enjoyed the morning talks and returned. I talked one last time about comics, realising that one seventeen year old was a massive Neil Gaiman fan and squeed and clapped her hands every time I mentioned his name – Sorry Neil, I ended up turning it into a gameshow where every now and then I'd just go 'Neil Gaiman' and watch her yelp with glee – and another who had similar yelpness for David Tennant. This time the questions were more detailed, we talked about rejection, self belief in work, ethics and a whole load of more complicated areas and by the end of it, we'd had mini debates on writing and comics in general.

And then, too soon it seemed, the day was over. The kids left after getting autographs, I got a hug from the Neil Gaiman fan and was told by one of the others that this was the best talk they'd had in six years (that being the amount of time they'd been there) and that I really should come back.

And then it was done, and I drove home. I had a great day and I hope that like a writer once did to me, I inspired a new generation of kids to pick up a pen, or open up a word document and just write.

Or at worst, stop bullying any kid they see reading Batman...

Thanks to Lynn and Regie for making it possible.

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So what's next? Well at the end of this week I'm in Manchester at the Lass O'Gowrie as part of the Manchester Literary Festival for Vvroop Vvroop! Comic Book Adventures in Time and Space, where guests include –

• John Cooper – MC



• Dez Skinn (founding editor of Doctor Who Weekly. Considered the UK's equivalent of Stan Lee)



• Jon Doyle (two-time Bafta winning Animation Producer/ Director/Artist, and founder of Firestep, the studio behind Doctor Who's animated adventures Scream of the Shalka, The Invasion and The Infinite Quest)



• Paul Cornell (writer – Doctor Who – TV show/comics, Wisdom, Benny Summerfield



• Gary Russell (writer/editor; Script Editor - Doctor Who, Torchwood, Sarah Jane Adventures; former editor - Doctor Who Magazine and writer of IDW's new Doctor Who US comic mini-series)



• Scott Gray (writer/editor – Doctor Who 1991-date – by far the strip's most prolific writer, Razor Magazine, Time Space Visualiser and Timestreams, Marvel Comics – Fin Fang Four)



• Martin Geraghty (artist – Doctor Who. 1993-date, including almost the entire 8th Doctor run)



• Adrian Salmon (artist – Doctor Who, the Cybermen, Power Rangers, 2000 A.D. - whose work is currently on display in the Snug of the Lass)



• D'Israeli (Artist –Judge Dredd, Batman, Leviathan, 2000 A.D. , Roy of the Rovers, Sandman, Torchwood)



• Ian Edginton (writer – 2000 A.D. , Marvel, DC Comics, Doctor Who, Planet of the Apes, Predator, Aliens, Torchwood)
  
  
• Lee Sullivan (artist – Doctor Who, Thunderbirds, Transformers, Robocop



• John Freeman (writer/editor – Doctor Who, Planet of the Apes, Star Wars, Simpsons, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Xena)



• John Ainsworth (writer/producer – producer of the 2000 A.D. series of audio dramas released by Big Finish Productions. John has written numerous articles, reviews and interviews for various SF magazines and wrote the definitive history of Doctor Who in comics for Doctor Who - Classic Comics)



• And me.

Apparently tickets are still available at the scandalously cheap price of £9.00 for adults and £6.50 for concessions/U16. Tickets are strictly limited to 80 (and well over half are already gone) and available by phone on 0870 428 0785 or online.

And hopefully I'll see you there!

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Anyway that's it for the week, and I'll see you in seven. Hopefully by now my new website will be up at www.tonylee.co.uk so if you link to my blogspot? Don't bother, as it's not going to be used any more...

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Discuss this column at the Only A Forum forum.
© 2008, Tony Lee

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