What Makes A Writer.. Write?...

By Tony Lee

Well hello children, and I'm sorry to make you wait for my triumphant return. It's nothing personal, but over the last few months I've had an absolute star of an editor, Jason Sacks sorting out my column every week – he really is an editor in all senses of the word – he changes my screwed up spelling, he sets it all out, he even emails me going 'are you really sure about this' on some of my inflammatory posts. But more than anything? He's the one man who has made utterly sure that when I say my column comes out on a Monday? Come hell or high waters – it does.

Anyway, a few weeks ago Jason decided to take a couple of weeks off and I wrote my next column, but the person replacing him wasn't able to post it on time on time. In fact it was mentioned that it probably wouldn't even go up until Wednesday. I made a decision at this point to pull the column and also take a couple of weeks off. I promise you every Monday, you get it every Monday. Cake or death.

I apologise to the fans who have emailed me demanding their fix of Tony Lee-ness, I hadn't realised how important I was to your life. The pictures you sent of my effigy being burned? Incredibly touching. The Voodoo doll with my face on it? I have that on my desk now. Although I keep catching the pins.

And so, a couple of weeks later than expected, I'm back. And why am I late? Well, the first job that Jason did when he returned was to cancel last week's column. And probably for the best as well. It game me time to re-write it for this week.

Let me explain. I've been in a bad mood here and there – my house has some plumbing issues that have meant I've had to spend the last two weeks showering at my gym, my desktop PC is finally coughing up blood, has decided that it doesn't recognise that I have a G: drive (the one with all my TV and research and more importantly deviant midget porn on) and I'm rapidly backing all of my writing documents up before it decides that my D: drive? Really not that important. Having seen the nightmares that Warren Ellis has had with this sort of thing recently, I'm making damned sure I have at least most of it backed up. So as you can imagine, I really wasn't in a 'happy place' mood.

That said, I'm lucky enough to have the trusty laptop and my dinky Eee PC 901 for when I'm on the road, so I'm still able to function as a writer. Which is important because you see? I have to write. It's a need.

Luckily that need is given options to write in spades at the moment, as I've never been busier. I'm writing Doctor Who issues, while doing DFC and 2000 A.D. stories, a couple of graphic novels, a screenplay, two novels and a possible game show. That's not including the lettering, the pre-press, the pitches – I'm writing a lot. But I have to. If I didn't write, I wouldn't have things to offer publishers. Or I wouldn't be paid by them to write things. And then I would be poor. And this would make me sad. And when I'm sad I kill things with a claw hammer while dressed like a clown. Mister Jingles would not be happy, and let's leave it at that.

So I digress. I was not in the greatest of moods. While I was in this mood, it was pointed out in a well read comics forum that artists? They have the nightmare part of the collaboration, while we writers pretty much sit back in our ivory thrones, throwing rubies at serfs and wanking into hundred dollar bills while laughing maniacally. Now, I won't say that this isn't true, after all we all know that there are some writers out there, A-list writers who pretty much do this on a regular basis and that's fine by me, and they've earned that right. And one day? Perhaps I too will have a throne and hundred dollar note of my own. But this is the stuff of dreams.

And this is where the badness starts. Because every forum involved in comics has a thread (if not two) with this very same bugbear. That writers do pretty much fuck all, and that artists carry the can. If they don't? Then they should have, and their forum trolls just aren't up to the job.

WHOA. HOLD ON THERE, SKIPPY. Put the rifle down. I'm not saying I agree with this statement, I'm saying what was shown to me in the thread. This writers versus artists argument is as old as time, and most non-profit collaborations always cause issues in the lower rankings as when a comic tanks, is cancelled, people always look to the other collaborator as to why it failed.

'Oh, I did the best I could, but the artist? He never got my dream, you know? He didn't leave space for dialogue, he killed certain panels... Of course the reader hated it.'

'Oh, I did the best I could, but let's face it, the writer didn't have a bloody clue about the story, it was decompressed, and the characters were two dimensional... My art was the only thing saving it.'

We've all heard these comments in the bars at conventions. And sometimes, sure, they're true. And sometimes when artists say that the writer has the easy part, has done nothing more than throw a few lines onto a paper? They're right as well.

Now, I'm not kicking off against artists here. I'm kicking off what I can actually speak about with some experience – the writers. I hear left, right and centre that writers spend next to no time on a comic script whereas an artist has to spend weeks, etc on the comic art. And when I hear this, I'm not pissed at the artists who say this; I'm pissed at the writers out there who give artists this impression of writers.

And this is where I'm kicking off at some of you writers out there. You see, some of these statements how artists work ten, twenty times harder than the writer are slightly misconstrued, as the artist often sees a finished script and doesn't know how long the writer's actually spent on it. They don't figure in the plotting, blocking, pitching, research, etc.

Why?

Because some of the bloody writers out there don't do any of that.

Not everyone can draw – this is true. I wish I could draw for example, but I can't. Artists are incredibly talented people who I hate with a burning fire of jealousy that can never be extingui – ahem. I mean to say that artists are incredibly talented people who I love, and stroke like bunnies. Some artists can also write incredible stories. Some artists? Can draw. And let's leave it at that, yeah?

But a writer? There are many out there among the mediocre masses that are talented too, and I think that comics are too bogged down in this aforementioned mediocrity these days for some of the better ones to be seen. In a day and age where any kid with Photoshop and webspace can make a web comic, or anyone with a KaBlam account can print a comic, we're no longer assaulted by quality – we're assaulted by quantity.

At San Diego, I looked at one comic. I won't say what it was; only that it was in the Small Press area. The guy who wrote it passed me a copy and said, quite seriously 'this will be the best thing you read all day. Guaranteed.'

The art? Wasn't bad. Not what I would call 'mainstream entry level', but they understood about perspectives and basic physical anatomy which to be honest? Is a good thing.

I read it. I looked up. He smiled at me. 'What do you think? ', he asked. 'It's the shits, isn't it?'

Now I'm British, and that means a different connotation to me, so I nodded and said 'Yup, you're right. It's shit.'

There was a silence and then, annoyed at me, he snatched it from me, looking through it as if he'd given me some mirror universe copy written by his five year old sister.

'What's wrong with it?' he asked. I raised an eyebrow and questioned whether he really wanted to know. He did. So I showed him.

I showed him where the pages were stupidly decompressed. I showed him where the dialogue was clunky, where it wasn't required, where it was detrimental to the artwork. I showed him where his right turn pages didn't keep the reader invested in the story, where his constant mid page scene changes were confusing. I explained why a double page splash of a man walking along a street was a bit of a wasted opportunity. I explained why a similar double page splash two pages later was taking the piss a bit. I showed him again where the pages were decompressed, where the characters motivation changed into a contradictory situation midway through, where the story didn't finish the subplot or even explain it, where the A, B and C were not even a J,K and L and more importantly, I showed him the multitude of grammar and spelling mistakes. I took about ten minutes. At the end he looked up and said huffily -

'Well of course it's not that great – it only took an hour to write it. But the art's what's important.'

FOR GODS SAKE.

This is what I mean people, and by that I mean people who CLAIM TO BE WRITERS who think that the writey part is the easy bit and then the wordy bits get put in after the drawey bit takes the most amount of time because it is important and therefore the bestest part of the entire thing.

If you draw a comic page that would usually take you a day in an hour? It won't look as great as one you spent time on. Unless you're Igor Kordey and it will look great, as well as the double page spread and the fully painted cover you did as well between minutes twenty seven and thirty eight.

If you take an hour to write a comic? A 22 pager? That's under three minutes a page. You are spending almost as little time writing the bloody thing as the people will take reading it. Or maybe not. They'll have to read it a couple of times to make sense of your retarded story and dialogue.

Writing a comic? To me, speaking as a writer - the writing of the comic is the most important thing there is. Without the story, there is nothing to draw. And the comic will look crappy. And incredibly short. Once the comic is written, believe me when I say that then the artist adds to it, puts their own expertise into the mix. And I have no doubts here that you artists out there can put a lot of expertise in the comic right here, many of the artists I have worked with over the years have made some of the hackneyed stories that I've written into amazing works of art by taking the ball that I've thrown then and running with it – but the whole point of this rant is that some writers are miles fucking better than other writers, spend waaaaay more time on each project than others, and that we shouldn't all be labelled in the same bucket of shit.

Listen. Writers of the world. You are writing something that possibly thousands will read. So don't treat them like morons. Give them something you're proud of. If you can't honestly say that you're proud of every story you write? Get the fuck out of comics before I hunt you down and beat you to bloodied death with an art easel. If you're not proud of the story? Then it's not right somewhere. And therefore not ready to pass on until it is right. And when it is? When you work out what it is that's missing, that finally makes you proud? It's the best feeling in the world – and more importantly, you haven't realised it three months later while reading the first issue's review which is ripping the thing apart.

If you're phoning a script in? That means you're not invested into the script. That means you're writing it for the wrong reasons, usually financial. And if financial recompense is the only thing guiding you, making you write these stories? Then again, fuck off out of my sandpit. Go pimp your blackened soul in Marketing or PR. You'll make a ton more money there and do a whole less work. The hours will certainly be better.

I found that I wasn't enjoying Starship Troopers when I started the ongoing series – I'd finished my tale with the trilogy and I felt I was just trying for a quick money shot – by issue four I managed to finish a relatively okay story – but one I felt was much below my standard – and as Group Editor I fired my sorry arse. Found someone who was willing to do the research, who had pride in the license. I still had pride, I just didn't have the faith that I could do more with the tools I had there. I walked away. And if you're doing the same? Walk away.

You're writing for yourself, to show yourself something you didn't know. You're writing for the readers, giving them something they can enjoy reading time and time again, something you'll be proud of. And yes, eventually you might be able to write an excellent seven page script in a matter of hours, but that's because you've worked hard over many years, learned your craft and reached a point where you trust your skills.

But here we hit another point. I write a lot of projects, as I stated above, at the very beginning of this column – but that doesn't mean that I'm going to be writing some pages off the top of my head, save, open, write different pages, save, open etc. throughout the day – because writing a comic, or a Graphic Novel isn't just opening Final Draft and seeing what happens. There's a lot of work involved in every script. And some of these guys out there? The comic in an hour guys? They just don't understand. And most likely never will.

I'm writing a King Arthur graphic novel for Walker Books. It's just been announced, and I've recently started scripting it. I'll be done in about two months, tops. That sounds stupidly fast for 144 pages, right? Surely I must be hammering out page after page without thinking? But no - I've been blocking out the scenes, planning the page turners, noting down dialogue snippets, creating character descriptions to help me write their subplots and researching this book for close to three years, three years of reading all Arthurian texts I can get my hands on, watching every movie, hunting every related Celtic myth, the British ones, the Brittany ones, ensuring that the story I tell has enough information in it to keep a long term Arthurian Scholar happy, yet at the same time give them something new. And at the same time make it relevant and interesting to an utter newcomer. That's three years of research, scenes being planned out, the 144 pages being pre-written in story boards before I even put fingers to keyboard, of countless pitches and then synopsis being written, revised, written again – and that's before I even start looking at scripting. Only after that will the artist get involved.

Doctor Who: the Forgotten was a story I'd been working on here and there for two years. The moment I was allowed to pitch such a story? I spent weeks hunting every Doctor's finest era so I could set a tale within each one without breaking continuity. I spent solid days researching every nuance of the story. When I scripted the issues, I put in a ton of items that have historical relevance, phrases, scenarios, props etc – all of these took time to research, if only to ensure that this item was known by that Doctor during those episodes. In addition, stories I used had to be researched – The Ninth Doctor story is set during the 1915 Christmas Day Football match of World War One, and I needed to ensure that characters and situations were correct based on a very small amount of eye witness accounts. And don't even start me about the dialogue issues and the research it took to make sure every Doctor had his 'voice'...

And of course Dodge & Twist? Not only did this involve reading every contemporary Dickens book including ol' Oliver Twist, it also involved reading and learning everything I could about the Kol-I-Noor diamond, what happened to it and where it went, not to mention speaking to a variety of Victorian scholars about the way that Victorian London worked. Without this research? I would have made glaring errors, especially the finale – a battle on top of Tower Bridge would have been mighty hard, considering that it wasn't built for a further ten years!

So anyway. The point I'm making here is that any writer worth their spit won't rattle one off the wrist when asked to write a script, they'll make a point of putting together a damned good story, script, whatever, with excellent dialogue and wonderful scene transitions. They will take weeks, months of solid effort to get the information together before they start to write. And for someone to then turn around and say that writers don't work hard? Well then you haven't a clue on how much effort a good writer gives to the art.

And this is to you hack writers out there that give the diligent ones a shite name - if you don't do this, if you just go with the flow, smash one out in an hour? Then you sir? Are making us all look bad. Stop it.

Artists, I salute you. But please, the ones of you who are, stop telling all of us writers en masse that we do fuck all in the grand scheme of things. For a comic? We're both needed. If you find yourself working with a writer who rattles one off the wrist? Dump them. Find one to partner with who will give the project the time, effort and love it requires.

Now, that said - shut the hell up and draw me that splash panel with all five million of the Persians fighting some Spartans. In space. With a hundred chimpanzees flying around them, each with a definite personality and look...

By tomorrow.

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Other stuff. First off, I've been away a couple of weeks, mainly as I was burned out a little, but in the gap, a couple of things came out. Firstly, Doctor Who: the Forgotten came out. It seems to have gotten some very good press, even a big name Doctor Who writer who I actually really really like work-wise sent me a message saying he enjoyed it. And it looks like that due to the success, I may now be a guest at the Gallifrey One convention in Los Angeles next February. Which will be a week after the New York Comic Con, where I will most likely be butchered by irate artists and shite writers.

In addition, "Stalag 666" started in 2000 A.D. to, well, less than stellar reviews, people claiming (amongst other reviews) that it was utter shite and 'The Great Escape. In Space'. By week three, we seem to be on a seventy/thirty split between positive and negative and more people seem to be 'getting it', so let's hope that it all works out nice in the end. As long as people enjoy the story, I'm happy. And yes, the high concept was 'The Great Escape. In Space. With Lizards as the Nazis' so the people who hate it? You're not actually that wrong...

"The Prince of Baghdad" also started in The DFC which is only relevant if you subscribe – but apparently they've had several letters and emails saying that we're the best story in it. Which is great. And I now want those kids to go read "Stalag 666" so we can make the split 80/20.

In addition, I mentioned on my blog / LiveJournal a few weeks back that I was going to be visiting my father's home town of Dundalk in a couple of weeks to visit the family I've never met – suddenly I have the Dundalk Argus emailing and phoning me, I'm then a half page article (with picture) talking about how 'famous English writer Tony Lee is going to Dundalk'.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *COUGH COUGH* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tracy, my erstwhile and hard done by better half believes that this article was inserted because nothing happens in Dundalk. Amusingly, Dundalk FM radio now want to interview me when I'm there. So be careful what you blog, folks, because Big Brother is watching.

Amusingly though, following this article coming out in Dundalk, I had an email out of the blue from fellow comic scribe Barry Keating, currently working on the Hack/Slash/Reanimator comic for Devils Due. It seems that his family are related to my family through marriage, and that his father, still in Dundalk sent him a copy of the article.

It's a small world, kiddies. Perhaps I am after all related to Stan, Jim and Jae Lee?

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Over the next couple of months I'm all over the place, but here are a few for your diaries.

Saturday the 27th of September I will be at Orbital Comics in London to sign copies of Doctor Who: the Forgotten with Gary Russell, who'll be signing copies of his own Doctor Who series, Agent Provocateur.

I'm not asking how Orbital are getting the comics, I just know that this will be one of the few times in the UK that you'll be able to buy it. So come along to the store on Upper St Martin's Lane between 2pm and 4pm and say hi. Come in costume too!

There's a Facebook events page too for this. There will be a post-signing drink at The Angel Pub, just around the corner from around 5pm.

In October we have the Birmingham International Comic Show on the 4th-5th, I'll be a guest at The Lass O'Gowrie pub in Manchester for a Doctor Who pub mini con with people like Paul Cornell, Adrian Salmon, John Freeman and Gary Russell on the 18th as part of the Manchester Literary Festival, and the following week, the 25th and 26th I'll be at the London MCM Expo once more, drinking real Guinness and judging Cosplay contests with Emma Vieceli and Ben Templesmith.

You are of course quite welcome to come along to all events.

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And there we have it for the week, a bit of a rant by all accords, but one that was from the heart. Artists, I respect you all more than you can imagine and this rant has been aimed at a large amount of shite writers who give us proper ones a really bad name.

And if one of you could please teach me to draw, I'd never need you again! Muhaaahahahaaha! THE WORLD IS MINNNNEEEE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Ahem. See you in seven.

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Discuss this column at the Only A Forum forum.
© 2008, Tony Lee

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