Interview Me (Part 1)...

By Tony Lee

It seemed like a great idea at the time.

There I was, being interviewed left, right and centre for Doctor Who and I thought to myself 'They're all the same questions. Just once, I'd like something totally out of left field, something to actually make me think. After all, I am indeed awesome and I owe it to my minions out there to provide them with such entertainment. '

And so I decided that I should host my own interview. Ask the questions other people dare not ask. But the problem was, I didn't know what questions to ask! I mean, I can only ask 'Tony Lee, why are you so awesome? ' a finite amount of times, kiddies. But then I had the idea, the ultimate of ideas.

I would get my creator friends to ask me questions. And I promised them that nothing would be too 'off the grid' for me, although I couldn't say whether this included my editors, currently cringing in a corner at this statement.

Of course, this is one of those ideas that starts like a plan, but then spirals totally out of control. Because sure, my creator friends are used to interviews, and as such will know the best questions to ask, but I forgot that many of them are drink sozzled deviants, always looking for a chance to screw over the next person in the queue.

And so I have a rather... eclectic range of questions. Some people have asked more than one, others have asked none, and proceeded instead just to hurl abuse and insult me. Which for them is actually an improvement.

And so, for the next two weeks as we walk towards San Diego, I'm going to answer these questions, as well as talk about preparations for the con and other stuff. And then, on the third week? I'll answer the best ones from you, the reader.

That's right – email me at itsonlyacomic@gmail.com with the header as 'HOAW INTERVIEW' and the first few questions will be answered by me on the Monday before San Diego starts. We won't be doing a two-parter for these, however as the second part would clash with the San Diego write up...

And if you're wondering how far you can go with these questions? Well, here are the first batch, from my supposed creator 'friends...'

Jordan White is an Assistant Editor for Marvel. He's a nice guy and we did a Spider Man story together. And, unlike several other editors, he's asked me a nice question, which we shall start with...

"What's the nicest thing someone in the comics industry has ever done for you? How about the meanest thing done to you?"

What a terribly nice question to start! The nicest thing that someone's ever done – has to be the introduction that Michael Moorcock gave us for the Midnight Kiss trade. I've been a massive fan of his work since I could pretty much read, and when I was writing Midnight Kiss it was suggested by Bryan Talbot that I should contact Michael about using Jerry Cornelius as a cameo. As it was, Jerry became pretty much a supporting character if not (in his mind anyway) a vital, main one.

When he heard what we intended to do, Michael was understandably concerned, as he'd been burned before with peoples interpretations in the past – but at all points he was kept in the loop about what we were doing and he gave his full blessing. And then, when it was finally being packaged (something that took a while as the book was cancelled one issue before the end) he offered to write the introduction to the book, stating that I was one of the select few writers that 'got' Cornelius. Which is something I'll dine on for the rest of my life and keep to my grave. He really is a hell of a man, and one day I'll buy him that drink I owe him.

The meanest thing? There was a female writer who I assisted in 2004 – I won't give their name, but at the time I was working with a major company, and there was a title that I was connected with that she was desperate to pitch for, she had a great story in mind and at the time she was a friend of mine, and so I offered to put her together with the then editor of the aforementioned title. At the time I would speak to the writer by MSN, but pretty much the moment I networked them together, this dropped off, my messages ignored. I wanted to see how it had gone, whether she had got anywhere with it, but I never heard back. I tried a few times, as at the time I was also having issues with the publisher (Unbeknownst to me the editor was about to leave) and was hoping that the writer may be able to shed some light on project timings and suchlike.

A little while later I heard that she'd been telling mutual friends that I had been 'stalking' her. Which mildly pissed me off because to be honest, I'd acted around her like I did around everyone, regardless of sex or networking importance and she'd obviously misread the signs. Whether or not it was a mistake or a misconstrued comment during the MSN notes on my part or her part, who knows. We've talked since at conventions and suchlike and it's water under the bridge and all that, but at the time it felt like a kick in the teeth by someone who seemed a little too paranoid about simple acts of friendship. It's pretty much a given that I'll never trust her again. I do wish her the best though; she still is a hell of a writer.

But to be honest, that's the meanest thing that's happened to me —and from the horror stories I've heard from other creators, I've gotten off lightly.

Liam Sharp is an artist of great comics note. He is also a writer, the main force behind Mamtor Publishing, a musician and pretty much a damned fine fellow. Which is why we must band together and kill him...

"Tony, given your 'involvement' in the sex riot during the 2004 San Diego convention - which cumulated in 'that' incident with Lou Ferigno, Jessica Alba and a paraplegic Klingon - how do you intend to make good and put this sordid incident behind you (Given that they actually let you into the country of course)?"

Now, let's get this sorted right at the start. I'm sick to death of fake rumours. For a start, the Klingon wasn't papaplegic – he had just found an empty wheelchair and thought that it'd be fun to wheel around in it for a while. I wasn't there when this happened and I never saw any reported incident which involved him throwing a small child with no legs out of a chair to the cry of 'Ka-Plaugh! ' and repeatedly beating him with a bat'leth.

Jessica Alba was so out of it after drinking engine oil that she was table dancing the scene from Sin City. And Lou was, well, Lou, that loveable rogue with a twinkle in his eye and a bucket load of Irish charm – you know that his real name is O'Ferigno, yes? Anyway, he decided that he could be a pole dancer too, but the mushrooms he'd taken kicked in just as the green spotlight hit him and suddenly it was 'Hulk Smash' time all over again.

I tried to wheel Ricky, the Klingon out of the way, but Lou by this point was in the land of the Gummi Bears, and he was hungry. As he tried to eat the Klingon's prosthetic forehead, claiming that it was obviously a Cornish pasty, I took Jessica out through the back entrance, where the paparazzi caught us, covered in bits of latex Klingon. Hence the Enquirer photospread.

I was given two years worth of Community service—to be fulfilled at concurrent San Diego conventions, where I had to pretend to be a Group Editor and listen to people tell me their Vampire Western pitches. I think I'm good to go now. But with the Hulk movie out again, I'm expecting flashbacks.

Keith Giffen is a comic writer. He's done some stuff. I don't care really as it all pales next to the fact that he created Ambush Bug. One day I will kidnap him and Robert Loren Fleming and make them write Ambush Bug skits to play to me in a finger puppet theatre, every day. Yes, every day...

"Were your parents poets?"

My father was a pig smuggler and my mother a variety of things including cashier, cleaner, bus conductress and Spiritualist Medium.

Actually that's quite hard on my father. He also smuggled sugar. But later down the line he became a bit more respectable - only a bit though, and we still have the Lee Irish family charm running through the veins, and every night he would read me stories and sing me songs to sleep. Even when I was fourteen, he'd still strap me down to the gurney, place the gasmask over my mouth and sing as the chloroform took hold. Every night, without fail.

My mother? She read. Lots. She read anything and everything. And when she wasn't reading, she was doing a variety of other crafts while listening to an audio tape. My father though, he didn't read. Well he did, but he preferred a good John Wayne western on the TV to a book any day. But he could tell a good tale and often he would make the stories and songs he told me up on the spot, improvising them there and then for me.

Whether he admitted it or not, my father was a true Irish poet. And my mother was his muse.

Brendan Deneen is the award nominated writer of Scatterbrain, half of Ardden Entertainment and the writer of the new Flash Gordon comic. He's also my US manager and his company, Objective Entertainment represent my comics to the movie studios...

"Which female comic book creator would you most like to sleep with?"

That Jazan Wild chick. Mmm mmm mmm, with her long golden hair and her tight ass – What do you mean, Jazan Wild's a dude?

Harry Markos is the publisher of AAM/Markosia, and a writer in his own right. He also worries a lot and can often be seen in conventions wringing his hands together and claiming that the sky is falling...

"When you've made it big in comics are you likely to stop working with small press or Indy publishers altogether?"

I could make a witty answer here and say 'only you', but I won't as this is quite an important question. So of course I shall mock it and make fun of it. Maybe.

The fact of the matter is that only something like about twenty percent of creator owned books out there make money. The rest? Either lose money or take a stupidly long time to break even. Therefore people, artists and writers, etc., who need to, well, eat and pay mortgages and all that will more than likely go to the larger two and use them to pay the bills, working for hire on non-creator owned things.

The thing is, however, is that some creator owned stories can sell stupid amounts. Look at Powers, or The Walking Dead. They sell thousands, and new readers have to buy the back trades, which again puts money in the creator's pocket. And then of course you have the ancillaries, the movies, television shows, games etc – each of these add a little something to the pot. If you honestly think that Mark Millar won't make seven figures from being a producer on Wanted? You're crazy.

But again, barely any comics ever get made into movies. Sure, we've seen tons of them this year – but how many of them are from small press? And how many small press are there out there? Check Previews. There's a phonebook worth.

To get the movie, the sales and the fans you need to have something utterly new and exciting. Powers was. Walking Dead was. A story about superheroes with attitude? Done. Someone who's just like John Constantine, but he's black? Done. The market is flooded with people making movie friendly titles just hoping that they've pre-packaged it enough to make movie producers drool. And if not? Fuck'em. They'll put it on Wowio and gain a few bucks from downloads.

(or not, as the case seems to be now.)

I'll never leave Indy press as that's the place that I'm allowed to play. And when I have done, I get to put the toys back in my box and not someone else's.

Do I care about making money? Duh. Of course I'd like the Wanted movie treatment on Hope Falls. But as long as I can pay my bills, eat and have a roof over my head? I don't care if I'm making oodles of cash. And my girlfriend loves me regardless of how much I make.

And the Indy press is needed purely to remind the big boys not to fuck about.

I first met Fiona Staples in San Diego 2006 when she was promoting Parting Ways for Markosia. Since then she's gone from strength to strength, and is now working on an Authority book for DC/Wildstorm...

"Tony- care to address the rumours that you're dating a Suicide Girl?"

Sure. I'm not. There you go!

I did however date a Suicide Girl briefly at the start of the year, and it made Lying in the Gutters when I mentioned in passing to Rich Johnston that by doing so I felt like the Bastard Child of Warren Ellis and Jamie McKelvie.

That said, my girlfriend Tracy has done a bit of modelling including stuff for gothic photographers in the past and recently I've heard rumours that she is the Suicide Girl in question—but sadly to my multitude of fans, she's not. And to be honest, with her by my side? I don't need no Suicide Girls.

But she does own a Suicide Girl necklace. Does that count?

David Hine is an incredibly talented writer for a variety of publisher including both DC and Marvel , and for that I have to kill him and hide the body...

"I know you're a big fan of Hentai, Tony. Any favourite sites you'd like to recommend?"

None that you already don't know, David. And that saddens me, because I'd love to have been able to provide you with some new ones, but that style of Hentai you like is frowned upon these days.

Perhaps some of my readers could help! Let's find David Hine some nice new Hentai to watch! Email me at the usual address – no, wait, that's probably a bad idea...

Pia Guerra is the nicest artist I've ever worked with—and I've worked with Dan Boultwood a ton of times. Best known as the artist of Y: The Last Man, she's currently the artist of my Doctor Who: The Forgotten series, and as such gets to ask a multitude of questions. I however get to answer with one liners.

"1) Are you related to Stan Lee, Jim Lee, Bruce Lee or Leelee Sobieski?"

Of course I am. All creators with the surname 'Lee' are. Which is a real shame as I used to have a real crush on Leelee, and it made me feel dirty inside.

1b) Who would win in a fight between Stan Lee, Jim Lee, Bruce Lee and Leelee Sobieski?"

Close up? Bruce Lee. He'd do his kung fu shit on them.

Ranged weapons? It's a toss up. I reckon the US Military would give Stan whatever the hell he asked for so that he could go blow shit up.

2) How many waistcoats do you own?

Lots. I used to steal them off my dad when I was little and wear these oversized vests around the house. Nowadays I have about ten I regularly wear. I even have two of my favourite pinstripe in case one rips.

3) Doctor Who related: Blue suit or Brown?

Both. ;-)

4) Will you be wearing pinstripe in SDCC? I only ask because I'm on the hunt for some and we may end up coordinating again.

I have two pinstripes and three grey already packed for SDCC, my dear.

5) Who would win in a fight? Winston Churchill or Margaret Thatcher?

Thatcher would go for the eyes.

6) Drink up with Grant Morrison, Bryan Talbot or Warren Ellis? Who ends up under the table first?

A multitude of Suicide Girls ;-)

And there you have it for one week – next week I have the second half, with questions from people including Emma Vieceli, Dean Haspiel, Frazer Irving, Kieron Gillen, Neil Kleid and Larry Young, to name but a few...

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Just a quick could of things, I'm writing this on the Fourth of July and last night I got the 'pre press proof lettering' PDF emailed to me of Doctor Who: The Forgotten #1. And by god, was it pant-wetting good—and I wrote it! Pia's done an amazing job, and you should all enjoy it.

But, don't sit there waiting until August, remember I have another comics out later this month, when Christian Beranek and I join current Starship Troopers scribe Cy Dethan for a special, never-done-before two part crossover called 'Triple Threat' from issue #9! We're joined on this escapade by artists Scott James, Jim Boswell and Neil Edwards and boy does it look great. But press for it has been light, what with the convention season killing blog space, so if you'd like to interview the art team about how such a crossover can be made, drop me a line and I'll make sure you get the right people...

After last week's mention of Shotgun Samurai, Dan and I hunted for a colourist and are happy to say that we've now found one in colour genius Kelli Gilbert. More to come on that one.

And that's it for 7. Next week, I have some more questions and I'll be talking about the San Diego countdown...

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© 2008, Tony Lee

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