Cheque, Mate...

By Tony Lee

I'm writing this today and I'm happy. I'm settled in life and I'm content in my role as a writer of the comic medium. Everything is at rights with the world – the birds are tweeting, Old Mister Sun is poking his head from the clouds and I have Disney music blaring out of my hi fi as I write this.

But yesterday? Now that was a different matter. The skies were grey, the wind was howling and there was a large amount of Emilie Autumn and Abney Park playing. And, at moments even Nine Inch Nails reared its Emo head.

So what was it that made this sudden change in my outlook on life, dear, darling reader of mine? Was it falling in love with a beautiful woman? Was it a great evening out, a letter from a fan, a glimpse of the Hope Falls sales figures?

No, nothing as simple as that. You see, this morning? I got a cheque in the post.

The biggest problem with being a freelance writer isn't the long hours you sometimes work; it's not the fact that many of these are anti-social hours spent alone at a keyboard, with only Livejournal, Myspace, message forums, Facebook and Internet porn for your companionship. No, it's the fact that at no point are you in control of your destiny. Oh, I know you might think you are – but trust me, you're not. How do I know? Simple. The man that is in control of your destiny? He lives in a small office, has probably never even met you, but has one important job that affects you incredibly.

He's the man that signs your cheques.

And that is the one thing that is the bane of all freelance creators. The 'Cheque's in the post' syndrome, so often lampooned in movies, is an actual fact of life, so regular that for some publishers, you can set your clock by it.

And the creator has to not only get hold of these owed cheques, but budget their lives accordingly. These aren't just 'happy times spendies' cheques that mean that the creator, money in hand can go buy that car / bike / remote control K9 they've been lusting for – oh no, these cheques? That's the creator's salary. That's their wage for the month, possibly even the next few months, depending on the size of it. And if it's late? Everything gets altered.

Say you work for a firm that pays you a set wage on the last day of the month. It's not too had a vision, I'd bet that ninety percent of the non students reading this have this exact same situation. Now. Alter it slightly, so that every month you end up getting a differing amount — but you're not able to know exactly what you'll be getting until it hits your account. And, and most importantly – the date of paying will differ every single month – and most of the time you won't know whether you're being paid until the moment it arrives in the bank.

Fun, eh? Welcome to the world of the freelancer. Still sure you want to do it?

Now currently, I'm in the lucky situation where I have enough work coming in that I'm financially secure until the last quarter of 2008, with more scheduled for after. And that includes extra money put aside for conventions, which for a UK writer can hit the thousands. The flights to New York and Sand Diego combined cost me just under a grand. UK pounds, that is – that's close to 2k in dollars. Simply for flying to a convention. That's not including hotels, travel expenses, food and drink...

But that said, although I have money that I know is coming in, I still have to make sure that the bloody stuff actually does come in. I have a schedule. I know that project A, a project with an amount of say (for hypothetical arguments sake) three grand to be paid on completion will be finished at the end of February— which means that the cheque will turn up and clear during March. Which means that my end of March 'salary' is taken from that cheque. And possibly even the end of April's 'salary'.

But. Say that Project A runs over? Say that there's a problem and it finishes in the middle of March? Now I might not get that cheque until April. Which means my budget plans are shot – and I have to hold myself over until the cheque clears, possibly weeks later than the original estimate. It means that all the debts and direct debits I have coming out at the end of the month? Well, they're a bit buggered. And what happens if I kill myself to finish a project in time, but the publisher simply doesn't send the cheque out — or, more likely in this day and age — it gets lost in the post?

This is where the fun begins. I had this recently with a publisher — now, I'll state that this is a big name and respectable publisher worth in the millions, and this was a situation that was nothing to do with them — but I didn't expect any issues when awaiting a signing fee for completing and returning a contract (a common agreement in books is to get a percentage of the paid amount upon signing of contract, the rest upon produce of work). But, a month later the cheque still hadn't appeared. And this wasn't just an issue for me, Dan Boultwood was also due one of the cheques.

So of course, you get on the phone to the company to find out what the hell's going on. And here's where the biggest problem for me is. I'm owed the money. It's my money. But I get incredibly British about this. I feel almost like I'm asking for a loan off a mate, or begging for change. Instead of going 'Hey sucka! Quit ya jibber jabba, fool! Where's my bling bling, bitch! ' it turns into 'Um, hello there, sorry to bother you — it's really not anything of importance, I was just beside the phone and I wanted to check how the art's looking — really? Oh, that's great. Nice. Well, I must be going – oh, one more thing, and I feel silly to ask, it's such a small thing, I was wondering, if you have the time of course, I don't want to impose – whether you could see if the cheque was raised yet? No, I haven't got it, but I'm sure it's just lost in the post, haha – anyway, must dash, sorry for being a pain'.

Now often it's a simple mistake. The case of the above one for me and Dan? Purely down to the crappy UK postal system being cretins. His arrived and mine didn't. So they had to cancel mine and send another. Which I got today. Still two weeks after Dan's, but I have it. It wasn't the publisher's fault at all, and in fact they were utter stars about it – and yet I still didn't get the cheque when expected, due to one small admin cock up in a sorting office in West London. It just goes to show that anything can throw a roadblock in the way. And I don't mean armies of Ninja ripping up mail.

Luckily, I've been doing this for so long that I've gotten used to making alternative arrangements.

And getting the cheque? That's not the end. Oh no. I've had cheques bounce on me, I've had times where I've had a UK publisher put cash money in my bank over the counter because it was needed by a specific day, I've had repeated times with a now ex-acquaintance and publisher who has sworn blind down the phone to me that it was put in my account, while I stand in front of the cashier who's offering to speak to them herself, with a screen showing that they're lying through their teeth.

And then there's the fun of dollars to pounds— the first Marvel cheque I ever had was also the first dollar one I'd ever had, and nobody told me that it can take up to six weeks to clear. Why? Because they have to send it back to the U.S to clear. The cheque, which has winged its way from New York pretty much goes back next door to clear before returning. No, I have no clue why they can't just pop it across the road and save you three weeks - and when you're expecting a five day clearing, and you've planned everything around it — that can ruin your entire day, believe me.

And also, once you have that money in the account, when you've been paid? Well, bucko – remember, it's not all yours. Nope, at some point, most likely the following April at the end of the tax year, you have to account for these ill gotten gains and pay the tax man a hefty wedge of it. So you have this pile of gold in your vault and a quarter of it needs to be put somewhere safe, lest you accidentally blow it all on hookers and drugs and find yourself having to get out a five grand loan at the end of the year. Trust me, it's not that uncommon.

So the creator can go through some massive highs and lows, blow money like there's no tomorrow and at the same time become one of the most anal, money-watching people on the planet. After all, when you get an amount in the bank that's large enough to cover three, four months worth of self imposed 'salary' it takes more willpower than Hal Jordan on speed to keep it in there, not buy a plane ticket to NYC to go stalk Mike Marts - or a shiny new car - or a pretty and exciting new laptop or desktop system.

But when you do get it sorted, when you can budget, it's the best feeling in the world.

Until the point when the next cheque doesn't arrive and you have to start the process all over again...

---

Last week I mentioned that Hope Falls was out in the UK and should be out in the US at some point of the next couple of weeks. And as such, Dan and I will be holding a Two Drunk Guys In A Bar drink up for the event, the Hope Falls Wrap Party, a drink in a bar on Tuesday March 18th in the Fitzrovia Pub, on Goodge Street.



Tuesday 18th is already turning into a most hectic day for me, so it'll be good to finally sit down and relax with friends and family in the relaxing confines of the bar. We'll of course have shiny metallic pens with us to sign any copies that people bring. We'll be showing pretty preview artwork from our next collaboration, The Prince Of Baghdad. And we'll have a couple of special guests as well — the first appointment that I have that day is at the Earls Court Doctor Who Exhibition press and preview event, where IDW's Doctor Who: The Forgotten artist extraordinaire Pia Guerra and I will be attending to have photos taken in front of the TARDIS, and Pia and her wonderful hubby Ian (Boothby) will be attending the Wrap party. If we ask her nicely, she might even bring sneak previews of the art to issue #1. Also, the second meeting I have that day is at Walker Books with Starship Troopers and Robin Hood: Outlaw's Pride genius Sam Hart – we're talking about the latter book and discussing a possible sequel, so he'll be at the Wrap Party also. And considering that Sam not only lives in Brazil, but won't be at this year's Bristol Expo (instead he'll be at the New York Comic Con) this will possibly be the only time this year to see him.

At the end of the day, it'll be a nice drink in a pub with friends. And, like, famous people and shit.

---

On the subject of the New York Comic Con (or more common NYCC), it's happening in just over a month, and I'm starting to sort out my itinerary. And this will be starting on the Tuesday the 15th of April, when I'm a guest at the People's Improv Theatre, 154 West 29th Street, 2nd Floor (Between 6th and 7th Aves) from eight pm when I'm one of the guests on stage at the now world famous and critically acclaimed COMIC BOOK CLUB - A Live Weekly Talk Show about Comic Books. Now, this is big news for me as I've paid close attention to this on their website over the last year or more - http://www.popcultureshock.com/cbclub - and to be invited to attend as a guest on a stage where people like Joe Quesada, Peter David, Christos Gage, Heidi MacDonald, Greg Pak, C.B Cebulski, Brian Bendis and Ed Brubaker. Okay, there's been the occasional bad guest, hacks like Mike Oeming* have been there as well, usually invading the stage at the last moment and such like, but for a D-List writer like me? It's incredibly humbling. So expect me to be my usual shy, retiring self.

And as for the convention itself? I'll be mostly signing at the Markosia booth or apparently performing on a variety of panels. Maybe. Or I'll be in the bar.

And then but two weeks later it's Bristol on the 9th -11th of May, and I have been let of the leash for the first time in three years, only attending / hosting one, maybe two panels the entire weekend. Which of course means more time to drink myself into unconsciousness at the bar — I mean sign at the Markosia booth with Dan.

And if you miss Dan and I at Bristol? Have no fear, kiddies, for two weeks later we will be guests at the MCM London Expo on the 24th and 25th of May, and will be signing copies of Hope Falls accordingly.

But back to Bristol, remember that on the Saturday evening, Dan and I will be holding the 2nd Annual Guerrilla Award Ceremony for the Golden Champagne Glass Awards in the Ramada Bar, directly after the Eagle Awards which, no matter what we get nominated for, we don't expect to win. Although, now I work for 2000 A.D. , technically I do. So huzzah for me!

Expect the full list of nominations for the GSGA next week.

---

A couple of personal things now – As said a couple of weeks back, Lee 'Budgie' Barnet, better known as the brains behind Hypotheticals and the co-brains of The Kryptonite Factor has, over the last few years done a thing called the Fast Fiction Challenge. 200 word insta-stories right there on your screen. Basically, the rules are simple:

"Reply with a title (maximum of four words) about which you'd like me to write a fast fiction of exactly 200 words, together with a single word you want me to include in the text of the tale.

(Completely daft suggestions will be ignored, so no suggestions of "antidisestablishmentarianism" along with a title of "sex lives of cornflakes".)"

Now. Following the last couple of years, Budgie's discovered that this is the year of apathy, pretty much everywhere on the internet. And considering that he's had some pretty big comic names challenge him in the past years, he's got a long way to go for 2008. And so, I've decided to get him, well, a few more people to ask for stories.

And he's good. In the past he's done tales of horror, romance, sci fi and comedy as well as others. He's also done sonnets, limericks and other such things...

So. You want to see how a good writer works? Test him.

And tell him that I sent you.

In addition, my good friend Jaffa Holland is undertaking a pilgrimage for the next few weeks. A devout Roman Catholic, he will be walking the 500-odd miles across the mountains of the North of Spain, following the route that the bones of St John took many centuries earlier. If he makes it, all his sins are absolved or something as it's one of the most spiritual things that a Catholic can do – but more importantly he's doing if for a good cause. From the man himself :
"Hi all!

You all know me as Jaffa Holland and I work and live in Birmingham. My brother is in the armed forces and as we've all seen in the news, our returning service men and women get very little in the way of help if they are hurt abroad.

So I have decided to try and raise some money for them!

First off I'm going to walk the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage.

On March 13th I'll be starting my walk in France at St Jean-Pied-de-Port and some 36 or so days and 802 km later I'll finish on the north coast of Spain at Santiago de Compostela

ALL the money I raise is going to Help For Heroes.

Help For Heroes is all about raising money to help our returning service men and women who have been hurt abroad. Check out their website at http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/

Help For Heroes is backed by the Army Benevolent Fund, the Army's own charity that does wonderful work for soldiers and other servicemen and women both directly and through its support of other service charities.

I'll be taking pictures of each place I visit along the way just so as you know that I haven't hitched a lift and have walked the whole way.

Please know that as I am walking so far that I may get hurt - I am hoping that this will not be the case but any money given can't be taken back."

Jaffa's started up a Facebook group to follow him which can be found at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=23735115525— and you can give donations at http://www.justgiving.com/jaffaholland.

But at the least, join the group and wish him luck. Because we all want to be heroes, to do incredible things for the people around us &mdash but Jaffa? He is doing it. And to me? Whether he makes it or not he's earned the right to wear spandex and a cape and not be mocked.

---

And so that's it for another week, kiddies – Have a good week and I'll see you in seven.

That is, if I haven't blown this large cheque on hookers and booze...

*This is a joke. I love Mike to death. He's one of my favourite people in comics. And he owns a gun.

---

Discuss this column at the Only A Forum forum.
© 2008, Tony Lee

---