Write Of The Living Dead…

By Tony Lee

Oh yes, kiddies.

Uncle Tony is back and bad and awesome and glad to be writing once more. A one month break while SBC changed into CB seemed to grow into a quarter of a year, and I missed you, my little pumpkins. Daddy missed you all.

Well, except for you. Yeah, you over there. You can fuck off right now. Go on, off you go.

So, welcome to a new column – ‘He’s Only A Writer’. Why the change? Well, let me explain. A couple of years ago I used to write a column for the other Silver Bullet Comics called ‘It’s Only A Comic’, a column that after a few months and much editorial and personal life confusion (now sorted) moved across to Comics International. When I was fired from that illustrious journal – not for any wrongdoings (although some believe it was due to my outspoken post about the Eagle Awards) bar the fact that I had been made Markosia’s Group Editor and they felt I might not be able to stay unbiased, I brought it to SBC, with long time mate and co-conspirator Dan Boultwood. But, out of respect to W.Alan Davis and the original Silver Bullet Comics column (which is still up and well worth visiting), we changed the name to Two Drunk Guys In A Bar. And every other Monday for almost a year we spoke to you, the reader through the medium of internetally communication.

But in October this changed, for in October it was pointed out to me, quite correctly that Dan’s workload was too much to be able to take on any more non-paying projects, and it was decided that when the column returned, he would take a more reduced role, writing when he felt like it, not when he was forced to. And believe me, there were times when he was forced. I recall one time during the summer, when we wrote our column while in the pub during Chris ‘IDW’ Ryall’s London visit, where we actually removed Dan’s glass of red wine from his very lips and wouldn’t pass it back until he wrote his piece. And stopped crying like a girl.

So, Dan was set free to frolic one more with Count Woogie in the meadows outside his castle. Once more, I was flying solo. Because of this, we decided to alter the name of the column, bring it closer to what it used to be. And instead of it being only a comic, we would talk about me being only a writer.

See what we did there?

And for those who don’t know me, that’s what I am. Hello. I’m Tony Lee. I’ve written things over the last few years that include Starship Troopers, X-Men, Wallace & Gromit, Shrek and Shadowmancer’s adaptation, amongst others. In 2006 I wrote the three part Tenth Doctor story called 'F.A.Q' for Doctor Who Magazine. In the same year I was nominated for an Eagle award for my creator owned book Midnight Kiss, and Michael Moorcock wrote me an introduction that pretty much said I was great.

With Dan Boultwood I wrote the critical hit series The Gloom in 2005 which is now being serialised weekly at The Chemistry Set, and in November we started our second collaboration, Hope Falls, a five part series for Markosia. Our third collaboration, The Prince of Baghdad is yet to be properly announced.

Later this year I have a 6 part series from IDW called Doctor Who: The Forgotten. I also have a 6 part series from Antarctic Press called Warrior Nun Areala: Excommunicated. From AiT/PlanetLar I have the Graphic Novel Dodge & Twist, with Walker Books I have both the adaptation of Anthony Horowitz’s Raven’s Gate, and an OGN called Robin Hood: Outlaw’s Pride. I have some work with Judge Dredd: The Megazine including a five part City Def story. And in June I have my first Spider Man story for Marvel.

There’s other stuff, but I’ll announce those as we move throughout the year.

So now you know who I am, feel free to go to the forum and tell me who you are. After all, this is a conversation rather than a column – and I want to know more about you. What you’re into, where you’ve come from, whether you have a hot, slutty older sister, etc.

Just a thought.

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And so it’s January. And for the first time in many years, I’m not working on Starship Troopers.

In January 2005, I was writing the second book for Mongoose Publishing. Named Dead Man’s Hand, it was destined never to come out from them. In January 2006, I was working on adapting all three books into four part serials for Markosia, having just finished book three, Damaged Justice. The serials would start in early 2006 and run for a year, three stories of four issues each.

And in January2007, I was pulling my hair out over art for book three, and writing the first arc of the new Starship Troopers ongoing. In the end I would take the position of Group Editor, change the artist of the third book mid-run and eventually, in May fire myself from the book.

Yeah, you heard that right. After four issues of Starship Troopers, I fired myself off the book. Why did I do such a thing? Well, I found a better writer in Cy Dethan.

You see, when I first started writing Starship Troopers back at the start of 2004, I had two aces in my hand. Firstly, I had worked with Alex Fennell, the founder and owner of Mongoose several years earlier at a company called The Paradyme Group, where he was a trainer, and I was the marketing guy / project leader for games. I created a game called Rollerblade Rabbit. It involved a rabbit on, well, rollerblades that hit things with a yoyo. They even made promotional yoyos. I have one, snuck out to me after I was made redundant. That’s office talk for fired for being a fucking pain.

A year or two later, I created the plot and basis for the first Mongoose Judge Dredd ‘adventure’ – The Sleeping Kin. So, I knew the company and the boss quite well. But even that wouldn’t guarantee me a shot at making it, so I had the extra ace – the month before I emailed them about Starship Troopers? I had an X-Men comic come out. It was actually my first published comic work in the UK in over ten years. In the US it was preceded by a Trailer Park Of Terror story. But of course, this meant I had a sudden amount of clout behind me – when Alex went ‘sure Tony, I’d love to give you a shot – but what comic experience do you really have?’ I was able to go ‘Well, this issue of Marvel Comics X-Men Unlimited…’ It’s a great door opener.

But, as I started writing them, there was another guy who was brought on board. In the early days, Mongoose had great plans for graphic novels, but eventually they fell to the side, and the other guy never got his chance to follow on from my trilogy. Instead, he wrote single strips in ‘Signs And Portents’, Mongoose’s trade magazine while I traded on Starship Troopers and, once Markosia took it over, saw my series grow - even nominated for awards.

But I never forgot the other guy, the unspoken hero of Starship Troopers. His name was Cy. And he wasn’t half bad, you know. We chatted occasionally. We met at conventions. Not once did he begrudge me what I had achieved, something that he perhaps thought that he should have had. I could be wrong, of course – he might hate my fucking guts. I know I would.

And so we travel forward in our literary time machine to May 2007. That’s now last year, those of you who forget it’s now 2008. Anyway, at this point, May last year I’m writing the new ongoing Starship Troopers, and to be honest? I’m not really in the zone. I’d written the trilogy as a start, middle and an end and apart from an eight page Tamari story between books two and three, I didn’t haven anywhere to go with it. Well, I had ideas, but apparently we weren’t able to have Starship Troopers – The Musical. Which is a shame as I had some great musical numbers –

Come on you lugs, well we’re killing some bugs,
I’m tell-ing you, we’ll wipe out a few,
So come on you apes, now lets have us some japes,
Our po-wer suits are ready to go!

And of course the more famous ‘The Girl from Klendathnu’…

Klendathnu, I’ve just met a girl from Klendathnu,
And suddenly her claws
Will never be – CRUNCH
Aiiiiiieeeeee – oh god my leg
My fucking leg arrghhhh I’m dying stop applauding you bastards
Eat nuke you son of a –

CURTAIN

And so on.

So I was stuck in a rut. And then Cy turned up, eager for a shot and all fired up over the series. He was me, three years earlier. And he had the advantage that for three years, his strips in Signs & Portents were his main outlet. He knew the roleplay game, the world of the Mobile Infantry like the back of his hand. I barely know the back of my hand, concentrating more often on my palm, instead.

I asked him to pitch – and the story (and the subsequent script) blew me away. I’ll admit, I’m good, but this? This was spot on Starship Troopers and it was brilliant. I spoke to Harry Markos that day, stopped plotting out the next arc and fired myself by tea time. Cy became the new writer.

And so why am I telling you all this? Well, this is the first January in several years that I’m not involved with Starship Troopers – but it’s not a Trooper-less month. For this month the new series continues with Bad Blood – Cy’s first arc. And I can tell you now, I’ll be buying it the moment it comes out. The Troopers are back. Am I down at all that I’m not doing it? Yeah, a little. Am I glad I left the book? You only have to read the first issue of Cy’s run. Yeah. I am. Because as a reader, this is the Starship Troopers book I want to read.

I still want to write that musical, though.

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So the new year has started and already my workload has trebled. And a lot of it? A lot of it seems to be coming out in June/July.

So as you can imagine, I’m looking at conventions to show myself at, allow the adoring fans to see me. Currently I’m at New York in April, Bristol and London in May and San Diego in July, but you’ll have guessed that last one already, going on how much I always say how much I love that particular convention.

I love conventions, and not because it’s the best place to meet my adoring fans. I know my adoring fans already; they sit outside my house and masturbate while reading Nextwave and old copies of Action Comics. It’s all rather sweet really. I’ve invited them to tea before.

But American cons are great when you’re a British creator because you have, well, the accent. It’s great. You smile warmly and shake that hot American girls hand and say ‘Hi. I’m Tony Lee. I’m British’ and watch that ice façade melt. And the American creators start to cry in the corner as all the Brits pull out their Red Coats and powdered wigs and return this country to the state it should be – ahem. Got a bit ahead of myself there. Ignore that.

One American friend was so impressed by this that he even started a screenplay about this very phenomenon. My accent is mighty. Which is lucky, really – at an American convention my accent makes up the points that my Mister Potato Head face loses for me.

I have a very generic ‘Southern England / London’ accent, one that’s very hard to pinpoint. Henry Higgins would have a stroke trying to work me out. Why? Because, dear reader, my accent? It’s fake. I’m half Irish, a product of a Southern Irish father and Southern English Mother and in 1977 I lived in West London with what was becoming a very broad Southern Irish lilt to my voice.

Now I know, many women would melt at such a lilt, but a seven year old in London in 1977 with an Irish accent? Not good. My nickname for two years was ‘IRA’. And so my school provided me elocution lessons, the result of which was a generic middle-class ‘south’ RADA drama school accent.

(The lilt never went away however, and often returns when I’m drunk.)

But it can backfire. Beware, minions. At San Diego on the Saturday night, Mike Oeming, blown away at my commanding ability of the Queen’s English (of course I’m good at it – it’s called English) decides that talking in a posh, Hugh Grant accent is quite obviously my party trick. He calls me over at the Hyatt one night and makes me say hello to everyone with him. He then introduces me to Jenna Marques, the incredibly hot and witty Marketing guru for Spacedog.

‘Hello.’ I say. ‘I’m Tony Lee –‘

‘Aw, Geez, that’s all we need.’ She replies in a chillingly familiar accent. I feel my power slipping. ‘Another skeezey Pom.’

That’s right. For there is one Kryptonite to an English accent.

Being Australian.

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I have a new desk.

I know, to most people it’s not really that exciting, but it really is, you know. For years I’ve used this workstation thing that’s less than a metre wide, and now I have space to expand. And more than that – I have space to put both my desktop and my laptop. Which, considering I use both is big news indeed.

A desk is an important thing for a writer. Many people say they can write anywhere, Warren Ellis works at a pub most of the time, half the writers I know go to Starbucks or suchlike – but to me, the fact that I get up and sit at a desk is majorly important to me. It makes me feel like a real writer.

And this column? It’s the first thing that’s been written on it. It won’t however be the only thing written on it – I have pages upon pages of scripting to do before we speak next. And with that in mind, it’s time to bid you adieu until the end of January. Have a good month, and we’ll all catch up soon…

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Discuss this column at the Only A Forum forum.
© 2008, Tony Lee

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