Tony Lee & Dan Boultwood: Two Drunk Guys In A Bar

"Auld Lang Syne…"

So two weeks ago on the Monday, the last edition of this column came out. And, about thirty minutes later I learned of James Redington’s death.

There was a point where me and Dan almost asked for the column to be pulled, so we could write something new, a tribute to James, but we both realised that if we had done such a thing, we’d actually go against everything that James had loved – we would be sacrificing comics for a non comics event, albeit an important one.

James loved comics. And I mean he loved them. And I’ve spoken elsewhere on James, especially in the tribute THE PANEL, but we just wanted to, once more, express our condolences to his friends and family on this most tragic of losses.

Right. I’m writing this on Friday morning. In a week’s time I’ll be naked, drunk and face down in a gutter in Tijuana. As of this point however, I’m four days and counting before I strap myself into a pressurised metal tube and blast myself across to the good ol’ US of A. And surprisingly, I’m packed! Well, pretty much. There are things I can’t pack until the Monday night, and I need to swap a couple of shirts but apart from that, it’s all systems go.

Which means of course that I’ll have plenty of time this weekend to read the new Harry Potter book.

I jest of course – for before then I have to write two interviews, block out a comic and create pitch documentation for another. I need to plan a couple of meetings and schedule the meetings I have where people pitch me. I also need to go to the Dentist which, although usually scary is a half hour period that I’m actually looking forwards to – because it’s half an hour where I’ll be doing absolutely nothing.

But in four days everything I’ve planned won’t matter – because it’ll be too late to change anything. I’ll be there. In the flesh. And jetlagged to hell, as ever.

Places I intend to be – in case you happen to be around, on the Tuesday night I intend to be in Renfields at the Hyatt from about 9.30pm. Additionally I’ve got a couple of people talking through their pitches around 9pm onwards on the Wednesday at Renfields (noting a theme here?) Thursday is the packed one - I’m at the Digital Webbing Dinner, probably passing through the Hyatt BOOM! Party and then off to a couple of other events before probably staggering back into the Hyatt before kickout. On Friday there are the Eisners of course and for those that don’t go the ENGINE will be having their Prayer Breakfast that evening, and on Saturday –

Well, on Saturday night at the Hyatt, Silver Bullet Comic Books, Two Drunk Guys In A Bar and All The Rage will be having a little soiree. Yes, we’re blatantly stealing BOOM!’s idea, but come along and meet some of the guys and gals that put the columns together. It’ll be a blast.

And of course Sunday night will be ‘wind down’ night.

It’s weird, but this still feels like a holiday to me. I know about five pm on Thursday I’ll be standing in a corner weeping, but currently? It seems like a dream. It’s not really happening.

Next week it turns into the nightmare.

And as ever, I’ll be running a daily photo blog at www.livejournal.com/users/_tonylee_ so feel free to read along with the crazy guy. Take bets on the point when they stop because I’ve been barred from returning from Mexico, or I’ve had to sell the Laptop for STAY AWAKE pills and Rockstar drink…

So a couple of days back I had a package in the post from kindly ol’ Uncle Harry at Markosia Towers – copies of both Midnight Kiss and Starship Troopers 2 – Dead Man’s Hand. And of course if I have them - it means that the shops have them. And if they don't, it means they can get them for you.

Remember -

Midnight Kiss's ISBN number is ISBN: 978-1-905692-16-3 and

Dead Man's Hand is ISBN: 978-1-905692-57-6.

So what are you waiting for? Let’s get some positive press out there!

And while we’re talking about positive press, we need to start pushing HOPE FALLS. I know we go on about this a hell of a lot, but we are Two Drunk Guys In A Bar, and this is a Two Drunk Guys In A Bar Production, so of course we’re going to go on about it a lot.

The solicit has been sent for #1, which means it’ll come out in Septembers PREVIEWS. Once we have the ordering code, we shall be passing it onto you, my pretties. Dan’s already on issue #2 and it’s looking incredible. I also have a few San Diego Ashcans, so if I still have any at the end of the week, I’ll pass them out to anyone who asks. Retailers and journalists first, though…

What? What’s that you say? You want a little bit of HOPE FALLS lovin’? Well how about the never seen before cover to issue #2, by Szymon Kudranski….

And yes, if you’ve read All The Rage, I am indeed doing a spy comic with the Consulting producer of BURN NOTICE. I’ll be telling you all about it after San Diego. It’s called ROUGH TRADE.

So this has indeed been a short column, but we are both heavily bogged down with work, so it’s a bit of a pain to write as much as we really want to write. And it’s 7- degrees and sunny at San Diego, whilst here I’m in the middle of a deluge. My mind is so into next week…

But, Dan has managed a few words this week….

I awoke with wind rushing through my fetlock as I loosened my sardonic grip on the controlling stick thing.

The Tiger Moth dived with lacklustre intent as widows howled from the rooftops, their banshee wail causing my dysentery to rear more than its ugly head.

I retched enthusiastically.

“Stand and Deliver!” I cried like a small kitten, deftly removing my pupils with a scouring pad as the plane lurched uncontrollably. Instinctively I cleaned my pipe.

Out of the corner of my good eye I caught the shine of something shining off of something shiny. Terror gripped my flange as I threw the kite into a bit of rough and tumble, but hope stroked my thigh as my gunner that bastion of morals Count Woogie could be heard keeping his end up the in the rear.

“They don’t like it up ‘em!” he expunged in a porcine manner.

Suddenly some bullets came from somewhat ricocheting off of the gazebo as I headed for the stratosphere gurning the engine the only way I knew how, romance.

Flinging the old bird perpendicular I pulled out a long one and came up behind.

I gritted my chin as my moustache copped a blighty. The tears in my satire saying more than mere words ever could. With no spare time to spare, I quickly fashioned a crude splint out of tinkers tailors soldiers and spies, and applied it with much gusto to my visog.

Upending a zeppelin I turned to my chum, the impartial movement causing one of my lungs to collapse and creasing my waist coat slightly. I gasped gasping with a gasp the bleach in my eyes was hurting a lot more than I thought it would.

“SURRUPTITIOUS!” I gargled, the blood filling my lungs getting into my Martini.

Suddenly a bullet caught the fuel tank, thinking quickly I lit a cigar and wound up the gramophone.

“Ergo Bibamus!” we cried having drunk the last of the lighter fuel as we plunged to our eternal demise to the melody of doom and the pitch of bugger!

With scant seconds to spare and thumb caught in the door we leapt from the stricken bodkin and into some French onion sellers outfits cursing the lapels and lamenting the cufflinks. Our ankles shattered with shattering force shattering them as we gently alighted onto a seat-less tandem.

Peddling into the sunset we laughed a gay laugh then giggled like school girls because we had said gay. Yes a beautiful summers day, the day I grew hair in funny places.

Tony Lee is the award-nominated writer of things including The Tizzle Sisters with G.P Taylor and Dan Boultwood, Starship Troopers, Doctor Who, X-Men, and Midnight Kiss. Later this year Tony has stories involving Wallace & Gromit and Shrek coming out. At the end of the year he hopes to have Dodge & Twist out by AiT/PlanetLar. In 2008 he has Robin Hood – Outlaw’s Pride with Sam Hart.

Michael Moorcock says that ‘Tony Lee is one of the best story-tellers working in comics today’. He drinks, though.

Dan Boultwood is the critically acclaimed artist of things including The Tizzle Sisters with G.P Taylor and Tony Lee, and both Monster Club and Comicana for APC.

Together they have written and drawn The Gloom (out later this year as a collected edition) and the upcoming Hope Falls, out in November from AAM/Markosia. The website is www.hope-falls.com.

Tony’s website is www.tonylee.co.uk. Feel free to email him and interrupt his day. But don’t expect a reply. Because he is VERY STRESSED.