Tony Lee & Dan Boultwood: Two Drunk Guys In A Bar

"Peer Pressure"

So this week past, I had to return to my hometown to see my Dad. I don’t travel home as much as I used to since Mum passed away a couple of years ago – I was always more her son than Dad’s in a three son family – but I like my Dad, and even though I live just over a hundred miles away, I don’t come back as much as I should.

The town of Hayes in West London is a small town, and every time I return it changes just that little more. An old, family run store is taken over by a chain, or it’s become an ‘everything for a pound’ type shop (for the U.S readers, that’s about five of your amusingly small dollars.). But as I walk through it, I still remember places from my childhood. Over there by the fast food shop, I fell off my bike when I was twelve. On the steps by the church, I told Louise Walsh that I loved her. I was eleven. It never worked out.

By the swimming baths – I used to play ‘Doctor Who’. Still do, sometimes. The park – I used to play superheroes with my friends. I was always Batman. But I could fly.

So many years had passed, yet I felt like it had been a day, maybe two. But no. It’s been a long time. A long time indeed.

One of the reasons I was back home was for a drink with some old school friends. In the UK we have opportunities to leave school at 16 (after GCSE’s) and at 18 (after A’Levels). I had left when I was 18 to go to college, but many of my class (being a West London comprehensive) had left as soon as they could, escaping into a life of shop clerk, waitress and postman. And as I’m thirty six now, this was twenty years ago.

Twenty years. We never had an official ‘School Reunion’ of sorts, just this drink and a few people I haven’t seen in over a decade. I entered the pub, saw faces similar yet different, ravaged by the years and a variety of good and bad events and rejoined my peer group for the first time in ages. There were tears. Hugs. Back slapping. Manly handshakes with the school bully who’s now gay and a hairdresser in Camden.

This is all nice, Tony I hear you say, and no offence, but what the hell? If I wanted your diary I’d break into your house and f*cking well steal it. What’s the comics relevance here?

Well, my little buckaroos, it’s right at the point where I sit down at the table of my peers with a pint in my hand and Lee, the now gay bully says ‘so Tony – what are you doing these days?’

Ninja. Superspy. Detective Inspector. Astronaut. Angelina Jolie’s gym instructor. I need to say something good, something big to make these people realise that I, and I alone have beaten the system and travelled to higher places.

‘I’m a writer.’ I reply. There’s lots of appreciative ooh’s and aahs. I see a couple of the girls eye me up, most likely wondering why they never took me up on my offers of dates when I was a younger, skinny bespectacled loser. Hah. They’re now wishing they hadn’t laughed and rejected me – perhaps then they too could have had a life of luxury. I bask in the adoration until Richard, now a man who examines bricks for builders says ‘of what?’

Busted. I smile, place my glass down and say ‘comics’.

And that’s the crux of the matter. You see, unless you’re a fan of the genre, comics just aren’t cool. Frank Miller can walk into a comic convention and find a line of people already waiting, quite happy to be used as a toilet or an ashtray by him. But on a street? He’s just another man. Neil Gaiman can’t walk the floor of San Diego without being mobbed. Alan Moore no longer does conventions after fans followed him into the toilet. But in Safeways? Not one of these three gets attacked in the cold foods section. Although Warren Ellis does have occasional crazies who stalk him down in his local pub. But in the main, unless you’re a fan of comics, you’re not a fan of comics creators.

Now I’m not a fool, I know that even to the comics world, I’m not a celebrity. Sure, I’ve got names behind me on my CV – names like ‘X-Men’, ‘Starship Troopers’ and ‘Doctor Who’ do well when pushing the ‘love me’ buttons – but in the scheme of things, unless you’ve read one of my books, been on a forum I frequent or read my various blogs and PR, you won’t have a bloody clue who I am. In fact, you’ll probably think that ‘Tony Lee’ is that guy who turns up in the Korean LOST flashbacks.

‘I’ve done X-Men. I say. ‘And Doctor Who.’

‘The series?’

‘Um – no, the comic.’ I pause. For a moment I had them, only to dash their dreams. ‘I’m doing a supernatural comic later this year. And an unofficial sequel to Oliver Twist. And a Robin Hood book.’ I’m losing them. They don’t care. For many of them Oliver Twist was never read – for the O’Level (the predecessor of the GCSE) they cribbed their answers from the musical movie ‘Oliver’ – which of course isn’t anything like the book, with Dodger not deported and Fagin not, well, dead and all that. I sigh resignedly.

‘I also write a monthly Starship Troopers comic.’

‘Like the movie?’

‘More like the book.’

‘There was a book?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Based on the movie?’

‘No, more the other way around.’

‘Oh.’

So of course, nobody says anything for a moment. And then, quietly one of the girls from my youth, a figure of sweaty adoration throughout my teenaged years says ‘I think my son reads Starship Troopers.’

And suddenly, at that moment in time, I am suddenly back at the top of the table.

Comics aren’t ‘cool’. But, over the last couple of years, things have started to happen that are making them cool again. It happened a few years ago when The Crow became a movie. Then Goths everywhere would go out and buy comics, safe in the knowledge that it was accepted. When Manga first started – suddenly it was cool for girls to like comics. And now, with movies like Sin City and 300, History Of Violence and half a dozen other indie movies all hitting the screens, suddenly the comic is becoming mainstream. No. Scratch that. Comics have always been mainstream. Suddenly the darker side of comics is becoming mainstream. The creator owned side, the smaller print run side. Movie and Television companies are screaming for the next big thing. Everyone wants the next indie hit.

And of course, I want some of that pie. Yes please, yum yum. But these days? It’s all back to front. Markosia are already speaking to movie companies about Hope Falls before the comic even comes out. I had movie studios discussing Robin Hood- Outlaw’s Pride before I had even written the script. Stand at a booth at San Diego and you can guarantee that you’ll get hit upon by three, four agents and studios a day, all wanting to discuss your properties and what they can do for them.

It’s a crapshoot. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. My showbiz chum Chuck Satterlee has his series Of Bitter Souls optioned for television. My fingers are crossed – because even if it only lasts a few episodes, the show will be a shot in the arm for his comic, and trade sales will rise. Dave and Daley, The Brodie’s Law guys have a movie of the same name coming out from New Line cinema, and if I say enough nice things about them, they may give me a ticket to the premiere. Well, you can but dream and all that.

But would it really have impressed my old school friends, my hairdressing, brick examining, post delivering house wifeing friends if I had told them that I was a comic writer – with a property being developed into a New Line movie?

You bet your damned life it would.

So this week Dan’s not able to write for us, as his Mac died a couple of days back and he’s only just managed to get himself organised. However, this has not stopped us from plotting, and in three weeks (at time of writing), we shall be presenting the first UK guerrilla comics awards – the Two Drunk Guys In A Bar Golden Champagne Glass Awards. Starting after the Saturday night Eagle Awards, most likely around 11pm to midnight in time, and somewhere either in the Ramada Hotel Bar or nearby, Mssrs Dan Boultwood and Tony Lee will be giving out these awards. But we need your nominations! So, email itsonlyacomic@gmail.com with your following votes…

Note – we don’t care if they’re biased. We’re doing it for shits and giggles.

THE GOLDEN CHAMPAGNE GLASS AWARDS

1) Favourite Comic Written By Friends Award

Phonogram (Gillen / McKelvie)
Queen Of Diamonds (Bevis Musson)
Testament (Rudikoff / Sharp)

2) Favourite Comic Villain Award

Skeets (DC)
Iron Man (Marvel)
Kieron Gillen (Image)

3) Scariest Fan Award

Cher
Derek Hartley
Phil, that guy who follows Dan about

4) Gayest Gay Man In Comics* Award

Bevis Musson
Richard Emms
Kev Sutherland

5) Small Press Superstar Award – (fastest riser in a year)

Emma Viecelli
Stan Lee
Trevor Landholt / Praxis Comics

6) Best Journo Scum (UK) Award

Lying In The Gutters
Down The Tubes
Fool Britannia

7) Best Journo Scum (US) Award

Newsarama
Wizard Universe
All The Rage

8) Best Online Podcast Award

Comic Geek Speak
Quiet! Panelologists At Work
Fanboy Radio

9) Best Convention Panel That Starts With A ‘H’ And Is Written By An Accountant Award

HDC Nation
HCuppa Joe
Hypotheticals

10) Fan Most Likely To Commit Murder In Our Name Award

Derek Hartley
Cher
Those Dodgy Goths From Down South (and you know who you are)

11) Hardest Drinkers Award

Jamie Boardman
Andy Diggle / Jock
Mam Tor

12) ‘You Look Like A Wookie’ Award

Len O’Grady
Ian Sharman
Alan Moore

13) Favourite Website Award

Silver Bullet Comic Books
Newsarama
The Pulse

14) Lifetime Achievement Award

Dez Skinn
Phil Barnett
Dan Boultwood’s Mum

15) Best Publisher In The Entire World Award

Walker Books
AiT/Planet Lar
AAM/Markosia

*We might be lying here.

There you go – now go vote. And we’ll either listen to your calls or just blatantly ignore you, depending on how much alcohol we’re given by the nominees during the day.

So the Hope Falls project continues, we have a cover and Dan’s colouring in the first third of the first issue as we speak – now his computer’s working again and apparently (according to a phone call we just had) the ‘Internet’s just come through the door’. With a first issue in November, we’re doing nicely – we might even have pages to show at Bristol, which would be nice.

As for Panels at Bristol, I’m on a couple of times –

RAMADA PARK SUITE: SATURDAY

12.00 Noon - THE BIG 2 Vs THE REST OF THE WORLD
Giving Marvel and DC a run for their money!

David Hine, Tony Lee, Paul Grist & Jamie McKelvie.

(yes, apparently a Tony Lee / Dave Hine panel is traditional at Bristol. However, if they really wanted tradition, they would have done it at 11am on the Sunday when we’re both hung over…)

3.00pm - BURSTING FROM THE FLAMES - THE MARKOSIA PANEL
With new EIC, Group Editor and new licenses and titles to announce, join Markosia as they discuss their past, their ever changing present and their exciting new future...
With news and previews of upcoming titles such as Vengeance of the Vapor, Starship Troopers, Hope Falls and the massive Kong - King of Skull Island!

(Expect a few pieces of news and some pretty pictures.)

RAMADA MAIN ROOM: SUNDAY

2.00pm - BLAKES 7
In an Expo Exclusive launch of the NEW audio series. Tony Lee catches up the cast and crew of the Liberator!

(Oh yes. This is the one I’m looking forwards to. But I’m sworn to secrecy until the panel itself…)

So, apart from those three (three! It’s like a bloody holiday) panels, I’ll either be on the Markosia booth signing comics, or I’ll be in the bar, having ‘pitch meetings’ (drinking), ‘plot sessions’ (drinking) or having a drink. Feel free to come over and say hi.

Especially if you’re a person I went to school with. Feel free to come and worship me if you’re someone I went to school with…

Tony Lee is the award-nominated writer of things including The Tizzle Sisters with G.P Taylor and Dan Boultwood, Starship Troopers, Doctor Who, X-Men, Midnight Kiss, Wallace & Gromit and Robin Hood – Outlaw’s Pride with Sam Hart. Michael Moorcock says that ‘Tony Lee is one of the best story-tellers working in comics today’. He drinks, though.

Dan Boultwood is the critically acclaimed artist of things including The Tizzle Sisters with G.P Taylor and Tony Lee, and both Monster Club and Comicana for APC.

Together they have written and drawn The Gloom (out later this year as a collected edition) and the upcoming Hope Falls, out in November from AAM/Markosia.

Tony’s website is www.tonylee.co.uk. Feel free to email him and interrupt his day.