Who's Who in the CBU 2008

Name: Regie Rigby

Regie is a strange, almost ethereal creature. Who can plumb the hidden mysteries of his dark and murky past - a past which contains a terrible secret. A secret that taught him that with great power comes great responsibility, that criminals are a cowardly superstitious lot and just who exactly knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men.

By day, he assumes the appearance of a mild mannered teacher, bringing the joy of literature and the English Language to classes of enthralled and enthusiastic students. But by night?

By night he goes home and writes lesson plans. Sorry. That's as interesting as he gets. Really.

The rumours about rooftop struggles with underworld uberfiends, the gossip about the hidden cave filled with hi-tec equipment and the suggestion that his car might be fitted with turbo lasers are all nonsense.

When he's not teaching he reads comics. Sometimes he combines the two activities. When he's not doing that he's either playing computer games or asleep.

The Ten Convention "Commandments".

By Regie Rigby

Well, the convention/festival/expo season is well and truly underway on both sides of the Atlantic (and possibly elsewhere – I don’t know much about the convention scene outside the Anglo-American bubble, so if you happen to have any info I’d be glad to hear about it) and the UK’s own major event, the The Bristol Comic Expo is but days away as I type.

This means that the excitement is mounting here at FoolCentral. Over the past seven years “Bristol” has become the central point of my social calendar. It’s not a big event by US standards, but it still attracts a vast number of people from all over the UK, Europe and the States. It’s a place to make contacts, to meet old friends, make new ones and (perhaps most importantly) see how quickly you can drink the bar dry.

I’m not going to waste you time just telling you what’s on offer over the Bristol Weekend – if you’re going you probably already know, if you’re not going you’re probably not all that interested, and in any case you can read all about it here. However, I have had a few e-mails from people who are going to be there for the first time wanting some general advice about what to take, and what to look for. So, my Foolish Friends, harken ye to Regie’s all purpose convention guide!

1: Dress appropriately.

It’s going to be hot. The main venue at Bristol is a huge converted Victorian Engine Shed that used to hold Steam Locomotives for the Great Western Railway. It’s a high ceilinged bright and airy space, built with all the care and attention to detail that the Victorians lavished on such projects.

However, the kind of ventilation you need for steam locomotives is evidently very different to the kind of ventilation you need for a couple of thousand people. It is, frankly, always like a bloody furnace in there. I don’t care what the weather is like outside, wear a T Shirt, or something light. Consider shorts. If you must dress up like a Stormtrooper be ready to collapse from heat exhaustion.

2: Take liquid. But not fizzy stuff in cans.

As you can tell from point one, you’re going to dehydrate. Especially if you’ve decided to dress up as a Stormtrooper. So you’re going to need to drink stuff. Just remember you’ll be in a crowded area surrounded by very very expensive paper things, and there’s nowhere to put anything down.

Put a can in your bag, and it’ll get shaken up. It’ll overheat too, and both of those things are likely to cause the beverage of your choice to turn into a fountain when you open it. Annoying for the people around you, and potentially expensive for you of you accidentally spray a copy of Amazing Fantasy #15 with Dr. Pepper*.

Even if your can doesn’t explode, you’ll still have the problem of where to put it between swigs, and all the attendant hazards of spillage. Far better to take a bottle of something flat, with a screw cap you can reseal and return to your bag. Indeed, if you have the facilities to hand, you can even freeze your bottle the night before to ensure a supply of ice cold, freshly melted liquid goodness throughout the day.

Believe me – you’ll appreciate it!

3: And while we’re on the subject of heat…

Please – go heavy on the deodorant! It’s a big space, but two thousand sweaty people in the same room can get a bit ripe by the end of the second day…

4: Carry a sensible bag.

I use a cheap nylon briefcase. It goes over my shoulder out of the way, but has lots of nice compartments so any comics I buy don’t get creased. Carrier bags tie up your hands, and rucksacks have a tendency to hit shorter people in the face – which is hardly conducive to attracting more kids!

5: Take your ‘phone.

Especially if you’re going with other people. You will get split up, and you can waste an awful lot of time if you end up resorting to wandering around the place until you find each other. If you can call them and say “meet you by the Blink Twice stand in five minutes” life is a lot easier.

6: Put your ‘phone on silent when you’re in talks and panels.

This one is very important. You might love your new Doctor Who ringtone (I certainly love mine), but I don’t want to hear it when I’m trying to listen to Bryan Talbot talk about Alice in Sunderland. And while we’re on the subject – if you’re watching a panel and your ‘phone rings, leave the room to answer it!. I

If you even think about making a call while you’re listening to a talk or presentation, I will personally hunt you down and kill you.

7: Take some time to read the schedule.

There is nothing more annoying than realising on Saturday night that the event you were most looking forward to was on Saturday Afternoon. Five minutes with the programme at the start of the day avoids all that angst. Especially if you:

8: Wear a watch!

9: Set a budget.

Seriously. You can spend a phenomenal about of money at a convention. There is so much cool stuff in one place it’s really easy to go a bit mad. If you limit yourself to an amount you can afford you won’t accidentally blow next month’s rent money on that rare silver age Green Lantern comic you’ve been looking for for ages. It takes a bit of discipline at the time, but it avoids regrets (and potential eviction) later.

And finally…

10: Remember, this is an event that is trying to attract new young readers – mind your fucking language you foul mouthed bastards!

And I’m not joking. Comics is an odd field, in that people from all aspects of the medium are expected to get together at the same time in the same place. As a rule, fans of horror movies don’t mix socially with eight year old fans of The Power Puff Girls. At comics conventions, that’s exactly what we do.

There is nothing nothing more likely to put off a parent with young children than walking into a venue full of people swearing at the top of their voices. This extends to T-Shirt slogans too. A few years ago there was a bloke manning a stand wearing a shirt emblazoned with the legend “Jesus was a C*nt!” for goodness sake.

(In the spirit of free speech, the “C Word” wasn’t censored on his T-Shirt, it’s just the only swear word I won’t ever use…)

This sort of thing makes us look like self indulgent geeks. I don’t want to censor anybody, but it doesn’t hurt to be a little bit mindful of everyone else, y’know? Conventions are our time to get together and do our thing, of course there are, and if you can’t be a self indulgent geek at a comics convention, then really, where can you?

But they’re also our biggest showcase. It’s what the rest of the world sees of us. It’s in our own interests to make sure that we don’t look like idiots, that’s all I’m saying.



And that’s it. The best weekend of the year, bar none. If you’re going, I’ll see you there (I’ll be the bloke in black, which I suspect won’t narrow it down too much). If you’re not, well, you can read all about it next week.

See you then!















*Other beverages will cause equal levels of damage.