B-Horror Movie Beauties

By Randy Gentile

I'm a sucker for award shows, and fresh off the Golden Globe Awards suckers like me are in mid-season form. I even caught some of the Critics Choice Awards on VH1... I watch these award shows despite not having seen 99% of the work nominated. I wish I was able to go to the movies more often but honestly the only movie I saw that received any nomination was The Dark Knight, a film in which the late Heath Ledger rightfully won for his amazing acting job.

But while I don't get to the movie theater very often I have been watching a hell of a lot of B-Horror Movies, possibly my favorite movie genre of all.

B-Horror movies aren't for everyone but its fans are passionate and savagely devoted to the art form. Kind of sounds like comic books, doesn't it?

After living in the “dark ages” of regular TV a few months back I bit the bullet and finally bought a HDTV... and while sports were my initial reasoning for the switch an unexpected gem hidden in the handful of HD channels made me appreciate the beauty of HiDef even more....

The MonstersHD Channel.

I've been watching this channel non-stop for its endless barrage of uncut horror classics only to find out that it's officially going off-air on January 20th. I'm so bummed by this that I'm not even sure it's hit me yet. I'm legitimately upset about it. All I can do is enjoy the time I had with unlimited access to horrible acting and immeasurable blood and gore.

So I'd like to use this Font You! to say “Thank You” to Monsters HD by talking about a few great flicks I was lucky enough to enjoy on the channel recently.

The Incredible Melting Man (1977)
Written and Directed by William Sachs

This flick is a perfect example of a great B-Horror horror film. The movie kicks off on a sci-fi angle as astronaut Steve West returns from his mission to Saturn but on the way runs through some unfortunate Cosmic Rays... unlike Ben Grim of the Fantastic Four West didn't turn to stone as a result of his radiation he turned into, for lack of a better word.... a big pile of Goo.

It should be noted that the makeup for the Incredible Melting Man isn't a B-Movie Halloween store rubber mask it's amazing work done by makeup legend Rick Baker. Other work by Baker includes An American Werewolf in London, Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video and the first Hellboy movie, to name just a few. However, the top-notch film work begins and ends with Baker's makeup.

The action kicks off when Steve West wakes up in the hospital and realizes he's melting away like a Popsicle in a sauna. As a result he goes on killing spree, starting with his chubby nurse, before fleeing to the streets where he'll start a rampage that'll terrorize the neighborhood. He'll terrorize everyone, that is, except Dr. Ted Nelson, the real star of IMM who is portrayed brilliantly horribly by actor Burr DeBenning.

Dr. Nelson is apparently the most respected doctor of all time. I say apparently because there's no real explanation given as to why a doctor would be chosen by the General of the ARMY himself to rid the world of a melting murderer from outer space. (A general who hangs out at Dr. Nelson's house eating cold turkey legs for most of the film, I kid you not.)

It's Dr. Ted Nelson who goes on a wild melting goose chase and it's DeBenning's horrendous acting and Baker's special effects that make this flick really tick. Ears found stuck on tree limbs and heads floating down a stream make up only a few of the great bloody scenes IMM provides.

The climax of the movie takes place in a factory resulting in an ending so baffling that I doubt even William Sachs himself could explain the choice he made. I'm being vague here on purpose because it's really something to see.

Please, do yourself a favor and check this flick out ASAP. It's great for getting a group of friends together and having a few screams and laughs.

Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Written and Directed by Robert Hilzik

Sleepaway Camp is a film that at first look might seem like a Friday the 13th rip-off but underneath it all is a well-done mystery slasher movie with one of the most shocking and talked about endings to a horror film of all-time.

The flick focuses on a young camper named Angela, an incredibly shy girl who is endlessly picked-on by the "cool kids". What follows is a veritable bad teen hormones gone wild movie with some murders thrown in for good measure.

From bad acting to great ancillary characters like a crazy old comb-over-sporting camp counselor who somehow manages to land a date with a popular teenage female camper, to the aforementioned Angela, who is steals the show in more ways than one. From the wooden delivery of what should be natural dialogue to her frightening blank eyes that make is no surprise that she's having a hard time making friends at camp. The girl is so creepy that she makes Michael Jackson seem normal and well adjusted.

Sleepaway Camp has everything you'd want from a B-Horror Slasher flick made during the heyday of slasher flicks. The ending is shout out loud shocking and something that will surely have you and your friends talking for years to come. So fire up the Nexflix and have an 80's horror movie weekend.

Thanks Monsters HD... I miss you already...

Thanks for reading.

Font You!
Randy