A Visit from Batman

A column article, The Squeaky Wheel by: Kyrax2


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    A Visit From Batman

By: Kyrax2

With apologies to Clement C. Moore


'Twas Thanksgiving Night, and throughout Gotham City

All the villains were scheming, which was really a pity

Good citizens of Gotham trembled under their beds

As nightmares of mayhem tripped through their heads


Two-face had balanced a great, giant scale

On one end, the mayor! His face was quite pale

On the other, unflappable (his suit showed no stain)

Hung the faithful old butler of one Mr. Wayne!


Poison Ivy had Robin in her vines entangled

The boy couldn't move for fear he'd get mangled

"He'll stop you!" he cried out, "Just wait and see!"

But the woman just laughed and said, "Oh, will he?"


The Scarecrow had Batgirl with fear gas infected

He chortled, his voice with pleasure inflected

"Thanks to me, the city will tremble in fear!

She replied bravely, "Not when Batman gets here!"


The Joker (of course) was laughing with glee

And said "Tonight's just the night for a spree!

Come Harley, come Mo, come Larry and Curly!

We'll see that tomorrow no one wakes up too early!"


And with that, the devious fiend cut the power

To ensure no one's clocks would show the right hour

Poor merchants of Gotham would make not a dime

For nary a shopper would waken in time!


Then to my ears came the sound of a shout

I peeked through my curtains, afraid to look out

The moon through the smog with its dull orange glow

Could not penetrate the shadows of Crime Alley below


As I ducked in again and was turning around

Batman was there - he'd made not a sound!

The cape that he wore was as black as the night

The lenses that covered his eyes were quite white.


His bat-ears, how pointy! His glare, how foreboding!

My secrets, I knew, I would soon be unloading

A belt of bright yellow was wrapped round his waist

(I've heard that any who touch it get Maced.)


I shook when I saw him and said, "What do you want?

I'm clean, man, I swear! Pick another to haunt!"

He just narrowed his eyes behind that black cowl

Picked me up with one hand, then spoke with a growl.


"Talk!" he said, "That you are clean is your claim,

But you know their nefarious plans just the same!

You know the Riddler's plot and the mayor's location.

Now tell me, or else! I want information!"


I said, "Geeze man, why are you talking that way?

You sound just like somebody out of a play

Or a poem, or a-" 

"Just answer the question," 

He said, and I gulped, and took his suggestion.


While I spilled out my guts he spoke not a word

Just nodded, and smirked, and I knew that he'd heard.

Then he dropped me, and when I looked up, he was gone!

I ran to the window, looked hither and yon-


A swoop and a leap took him back to the wheel

Of that vehicle known only as the 'Batmobile'

But I heard a someone say as he drove from the spot

"What a superstitious and cowardly lot!"


The Final Squeak


Who Wants the Dark Meat?

Partially inspired by an image drawn by Mark Dos Santos and colored by Steve Downer.  You can purchase a print of it here! 

Squeaky Wheel Logo by soulfulmanifesto@hotmail.com

Kyrax2, in her secret identity, is:

A. A part-time model.

B. An ace World War I pilot.

C. A mild-mannered office manager.

She has a bachelor's degree in:

A. Japanese

B. Zentraedi

C. Kryptonian

Her daughter:

A. Was sent to Earth by her real parents to escape the destruction of their home planet.

B. Is secretly a robot who can remove her own head.

C. Loves comics and reads any she can get her hands on. (I know, this one's pretty farfetched!)

Her husband:

A. Races ultralights for fun and profit.

B. Used to have a crush on Kitty Pryde.

C. Was born during a total eclipse of the sun.

In her spare time she enjoys:

A. Reading (books and comics), writing (fiction and non), gaming (everything from tabletop wargames and RPGs to Cardcaptor Sakura, Tetris, Rock Band, and DCUO) and watching TV (mainly anime, animated superhero cartoons, and Rifftrax).

B. Building emissions-free vehicles out of recycled materials.

C. Alligator wrestling.

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