Buddy Scalera is a comic book writer and self-publisher.
He is best know for his co-writing work on Deadpool and his solo story in Weapon X. He has contributed to X-Men Millennial Visions, X-Men Unlimited and other comics. He co-wrote and self-published Necrotic: Dead Flesh on a Living Body. He also recently published a multimedia CD-Rom titled Visual Reference for Comic Artists. Currently Buddy has a two-issue arc of Agent X in stores.
Scalera worked at Wizard Online for many years as the original Online Editor.
Neil Armstrong was troubled. How would he fix the Ultimate Nullifier after his last battle with his archenemy Slobodon Milosovich, the evil despot of Europe? Half the parts were smashed and lost on the ocean floor when his Pogo Plane jet exploded above the Atlantic Ocean. And he'd be goddamned if he was going to contact Kevin Costner to retrieve it.
Armstrong's deep thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of barbells being lifted. It was the work of his good friend John Goodman, a [IMG2R]fellow he'd known since his college days. Most people called him a Thing because of his thick, bumpy skin and orange complexion. But to Armstrong, he was a key member of their superteam The Fantastic Four.
Ever since that fateful day that Armstrong piloted the experimental space shuttle, he and his compatriots have helped to stamp out cosmic criminals and villains. Together with his then-fiancé Anna Kournikova and her younger brother Tom Hanks, they launched themselves into the radioactively charged atmosphere. The rac-tac-tac of the radiation transformed them and their careers into the World's Greatest Super Family.
"Neil, darling," Anna said softly. "You're working too hard."
Armstrong did not have to pivot his body to face his wife. He merely rotated his head around 180 degrees. His unusual stretching ability was the curious side effect of the radiation. But even when his face swiveled towards his back, he found that Anna was not there. Yet, he was not surprised.
Ana had also absorbed radiation on the space shuttle, as did the whole Fantastic Four. They each developed spectacular powers, and Anna's was the power to make herself invisible.
As for the others, John Goodman developed immense strength, but at the expense of his outward appearance. And Anna's younger brother, Tom Hanks, developed the power of controlling fire, especially on the set of Castaway.
They'd all flown together that fateful night. Armstrong and Goodman were to be the pilots. And Anna, with her blossoming skill as a tennis star joined the duo because they believed she would be useful on the mission. The last minute addition of Tom Hanks, Anna's kid brother and sidekick, was due to the fact that he had played an astronaut in the movie Apollo 13. Naturally, the group believed that this experience pushing non-functioning buttons and levers would be useful on a real space mission.
Nobody ever questioned their leader Armstrong, not even the night that he gathered them round in his living room to explain his plan to hijack the space shuttle. So enthused were they to be the first citizens in space, they did not even notice that Armstrong was very old and smoking a pipe.
Somehow they managed to steal the space shuttle, launch it into space and break the atmosphere. Yet, their plans were foiled when they ran out of gas and crashed back to earth into a rotted tree, that was even older than Armstrong himself.
Thus, the Fantastic Four was born. And they have been fighting evil villains ever since then, especially Armstrong's former college roommate Milosovich, who later became the monarchist Dr Doom.
But now, Armstrong was troubled. Dr Doom had once again been defeated, but at the cost of Armstrong's high-tech machinery. The parts were smashed in the past... apparently because Doom was able to send them hurtling backwards in time.
So to retrieve the parts on the ocean floor of the Atlantic, Armstrong would be forced to consult the Prince of Atlantis himself... Kevin Costner, the Sub-Mariner. His terrifying reign of the seas began right after he starred in the Hollywood flop Waterworld. But Costner's relationship with Armstrong ran deeper than just water. The men harbored resentment towards each other because they both vied for the love of Anna Kournikova, the Invisible Woman Tennis Player.
Kournikova spoke up again, "Neil, darling, please. Take a break."
Armstrong heard the pleading in her voice, and stroked her cheek. He assumed it was her cheek, at least, because at the moment she was completely invisible. "Anna, darling, I just need more time," Armstrong said sadly. "A few more hours, darling."
The couple was fond of calling each other "darling", which seemed appropriate, since they were engaged. However, it troubled Anna slightly that Armstrong stroked her younger brother Tom Hanks, and called him "darling" as well.
But Anna insisted, making herself visible to Armstrong, who discovered that he needed to make a costume for Anna that would turn invisible with her. She was visible now, and his costume felt a little tighter in places when he blurted out, "You must be cold."
She said that she was anything but cold, and tugged at his wrist. "Let's go to bed, darling," she whispered. "The Baxter Building will be here again tomorrow."
His wrist bent and stretched, and for a moment he thought that it was a shame that he had called himself Mr Fantastic, rather than the more descriptive Mr Stretch Armstrong. But he knew there would be copyright problems.
It was late, Armstrong was concerned, and the world needed saving. But it could wait until the morning for the help of the Fantastic Four.
END OF ISSUE #1.
Coming soon: More Real Hero Adventures!
Buddy Scalera is the current co-writer of Marvel Comics` Deadpool series. He`s also the former online editor for Wizard. And he`s cute as a button.
