Buddy Scalera is a comic book writer and self-publisher.
He is best know for his co-writing work on Deadpool and his solo story in Weapon X. He has contributed to X-Men Millennial Visions, X-Men Unlimited and other comics. He co-wrote and self-published Necrotic: Dead Flesh on a Living Body. He also recently published a multimedia CD-Rom titled Visual Reference for Comic Artists. Currently Buddy has a two-issue arc of Agent X in stores.
Scalera worked at Wizard Online for many years as the original Online Editor.
TO: Big Joe FROM: Little Joe SUBJECT: Dropping out of college
Dear Dad,
I’m emailing you from college, which I really enjoy. But, I need to talk to you about something.
Remember that guitar that you had in the basement? I have been strumming all semester. My roommates are telling me that I am pretty good.
So. Deep breath here. I’m quitting college to become a professional musician. Don’t be mad. I know you really wanted me to be an ophthalmologist, but my heart just isn’t in it.
I can’t think of anything I want to do except play music. Day and night. I just want to get out there and jam. And tour and record. I don’t care if I ever make any money. I just want to be a musician. Please don’t be mad.
Did you listen to that CD I sent you? Do you need me to convert it to 8-track? Hah ha ha! Just kidding, Dad!
Sincerely,
Your Son Joe
TO: Little Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: RE: Dropping out of college
Dear Joe,
I received your CD and I was able to play it. Although, I was only able to find a very short song…if you can call it a song. I think it was only three chords.
Am I doing something wrong?
Is it such a good idea to drop out of college based on three chords?
Love from mother and me,
Dad
TO: Big Joe FROM: Litter Joe SUBJECT: Three Chords
Dad,
I should have told you…my demo reel is only three chords. You took music lessons a few years ago, so you probably recognize the chords as A, C, and E.
You can take A, C, and E and create almost any modern rock song. You can see that I am really, really good at A, C, and E. That means I would be great at a full song. So, no need to create a full song. I have the basics down. If they know how to spot real talent, they have everything they need on that demo reel.
I sent the demo reel (Yes, three chords!) in to Sony, Elektra, and Warner. Do you think they will like it?
Can you send a few bucks?
Love,
Joe
TO: Little Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: RE: Three Chords
Joe,
Your demo reel is only three chords? I don’t understand. I thought when people sent in a demo reel they had to send in complete songs.
Like, those kids who got signed to a record contract. They were playing their music in clubs and they got discovered.
Am I missing something?
Dad
TO: Big Joe FROM: Litter Joe SUBJECT: Sony Sucks!
Dad,
Sony sucks! I hate them. It’s been two weeks since I sent in my demo reel and I haven’t heard from them. I don’t care what they offer, I won’t never sign a contract with Sony.
Anyway. There’s a music convention in Seattle. I sold some of my schoolbooks and bought a plane ticket. I hear there will be some real record execs there, not like the idiots at Sony who don’t know how to spot talent.
Joe
PS: Seriously, it wouldn’t kill you to send some money once in a while.
TO: Litter Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: RE: Sony Sucks!
Joseph,
Is it such a good idea to spend that kind of money to travel to Seattle, if your demo reel only contains three chords?
Dad
PS: I sent in a $15,000 check to your university for tuition. That nearly killed me. I’m out of spare change for musicians.
TO: Big Joe FROM: Little Joe SUBJECT: Seattle Rocks!
Dad,
Hah! Shows how much YOU know about the music biz! I just got back from Seattle, and I am pumped!
I got the email addresses of three guys who want to make a record. We’re going to send along my three chords and the verse from a song to every indy and major label we can find.
You can’t believe how many people approached me to work on songs with them. Just from hearing my three chords! But I probably will hold out for the highest paying offer. The schoolbooks that I sold weren’t enough to pay for the trip, so I had to put it on my credit card.
Don’t worry. I wont do any songs unless I’m getting paid. I’ll pay off my credit card bill.
Joe Aka Joey aXe!
TO: Little Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: RE: Seattle Rocks!
Joe (I’m not calling you Joey Axe. I used to change your diapers.)
I’m glad your trip went well. But I was thinking…why don’t you expand your demo reel to include a few songs? Maybe the reason these record companies are passing on your demo reel is because it only has three chords.
Dad
TO: Big Joe FROM: Little Joe SUBJECT: Creating songs
Dad,
Do you know how much WORK it is to create a song? I can’t just stop my life to make up a free song? I can’t afford to do charity work!
I had to buy new strings for my guitar and a new amp. That set me back a few bucks, which are also going on my credit card.
There’s another con in Atlanta. I’m leaving on the plane now. I got my demo reel and I am going to see if I can track down a few record execs before the show opens.
I had to buy a portable CD player so I could play my music for people on the spot. Actually it’s a portable DVD player, which was a little more expensive, but I figure I can write it off on my taxes on a business expenses when I get a contract.
Do you think they will put me on the comp list for CDs and DVDs if I get a contract? If I got free CDs and DVDs, I could start a side business selling them on eBay.
aXe!
TO: Little Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: Gameboy Advance?
Joe,
I wish you would consult me before you hop a plane again. Your mother told me that you have been racking up high credit card bills. As you know, you are not paying them, we are.
Why did you buy a new Gameboy Advance?
Signed,
Dad
TO: Big Joe FROM: Little Joe SUBJECT: RE: Gameboy Advance?
Dad,
I needed the GameBoy Advance because I am talking to a guy about writing a soundtrack to a GBA game. Cool huh? He’s got my demo reel and he’s showing it to the manufacturers. This is going to be a major expensive game with a lot of big-name game designers. I can’t tell you more than that because they haven’t announced it yet.
I am working with a guy now. We’re designing a website for me to show case my music. I have another guy converting my three chords into an MP3. We’re going to see if we can get Epic Records or someone to buy ads on my website. They have big money. I figure if I can get a few big advertisers, the website can be a side business for me. I’ll be able to pay off all my credit card bills.
Signed…the aXe!
TO: Little Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: RE: RE: Gameboy Advance?
Joe…
But…but…but…
Dad
TO: Big Joe FROM: Little Joe SUBJECT: Talking to record execs
Dad,
Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be cool. I just moved out of the dorms and into a house with a bunch of other musicians. We’re going to pool our money together and open a studio.
It’s weird. I haven’t heard back from any of the record execs who have my demo reel. Although one guy asked me “can you send me more than three chords?”
I shot him an email…here’s what it said:
Dear Secretary to Tommy Motolo,
I have the utmost respect for mr Tommi Mottolo. I think that he can probably tell from my demo reel that I can sell records. Yes, it’s only three chords, but just imagine if you had a full rock band behind me. Like, imagine if I was backed by Aerosmith or something.
So at this time, I am working up some new chords. But if Mr Mottolo would contact me directly, we could talk about getting me into the studio. I don’t even need to really get paid. If you guys could just put me up in a hotel for a week or so, we could cut a few songs. And then we’ll just split the royalties. I trust you guys would treat me fair.
Let’s cut a record and tour!
Sincerely,
Joey Axe Get cut by the aXe!
They haven’t gotten back to me yet, but I bet they are just drawing up the contracts.
aXe!
TO: Little Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: RE: Talking to record execs
Joe,
Maybe you should come live at home. Maybe it would give you some flexibility to expand your demo?
I don’t know if three chords is enough to get you a record contract. You probably need a few songs recorded. If you come home, you can live rent free while you write and record some songs.
Dad
TO: Big Joe FROM: Little Joe SUBJECT: Comic Books
Dad,
Thanks, but I got it covered. Besides. I think I know more about this business than you.
Besides, I think I’m going to be a comic book artist. I hear that they make a lot of money and it’s easier to break into than music. The comics industry can be a stepping stone for me to get into directing movies. And when I direct my first feature, I will specificy in my contract that I get to do the soundtrack.
Anyway. I am enclosing my comic book portfolio, which I have sent out to Marvel, DC, Image, CrossGen, and some of the other little indies like Dark Horse. I hear Marvel is taking submissions for Epic, so I may write something for them if they let me write and draw my own book. They want a completed script, but I think when they see my art, they will make an exception for me.
If that doesn’t work, I will submit it to CrossGen. They have Code6, which is pretty cool, but Marvel is better because they have been around longer. And if I sell a big Epic book, I have a proposal for a 24-issue arc where Spider-Man switches bodies with Speedball. It’s hysterical but it will need to be a Max book because it’s very adult and it has a lot of sex and cursing.
Let me know what you think of my art portfolio,
Joe
TO: Little Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: RE: Comic Books
Joe,
Well, the three pages are nice. But these are just “pinups.” Don’t you need to do those comic pages to show that you are a comic book artist? I believe they are called “sequentials,” right?
Dad
TO: Big Joe FROM: Little Joe SUBJECT: RE: RE: Comic Books
Dad,
Again, you may be out of touch. When was the last time you read a comic book? When the cover price was 10 cents? Hahaha.
I’ve been hitting all the websites and I have been sending my art portfolio out. And there’s been a lot of interest up at DC. They don’t have anything for me right now, but they really want to see more art from me. But right now, I am too busy. So I just resent my three pinups to them and told them “this is all the work I can afford to do for free. Bring me in, give me an X-book or something, and let me prove myself.”
I’ll let you know what they say. I’m flying to San Diego and Chicago to show my portfolio to some of the smaller publishers. They will probably offer me work on the spot. I’ll take it if they let me package a CD with my music demo into the comic.
Comics are great. I don’t care if I ever make a dime. I just want to draw comics all the time. You should see the stuff I am drawing on my old textbooks. I don’t have any paper, so now I just sketch in the margins. I’m getting really good. I even created my own character named “Boobsie.”
Joe
TO: Little Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: Comic Books
Joe,
Come home.
Dad
TO: Big Joe FROM: Little Joe SUBJECT: No money
Dad,
I’m broke. I can’t afford to come home. My credit card is maxed out. I am practically homeless.
I panhandled some cash and got three minutes of video transferred to DVD. It’s not much, but I am going to contact 20th Century Fox, Warner Brothers, and HBO and see if they will give me the money to make a feature-length film based on my demo reel.
Please send money through PayPal so I can eat. I’m hungry.
Joe
TO: Little Joe FROM: Big Joe SUBJECT: RE: No money
Joe,
Just come home son. Before you find something else you want to do. I can’t afford it.
Love,
Dad
TO: Big Joe FROM: SYSTEM SUBJECT: RE: No money
ERROR: Email returned. Account “Little Joe” closed due to non-payment.
ABOUT: Buddy Scalera writes comic books. And sometimes he writes this column, when he thinks he has something to say. Who know, maybe in a few months, he’ll write another.
